NSV

For all you skinny's out there, you won't get it, but I'm happy to say, I can now utilize my lap top, in my lap! I know plenty of you do know what I mean by that. LOL

If your stomach is in your lap, it's hard to have room for much else. I worked at Panera at lunch today, and they were low on chairs so I just plopped my computer in my lap and worked in a big comfy chair. Who'd a thunk it?! I can even cross my legs and sit with the lap top on top. It's like I'm a magician. haha

I haven't had any noticeable NSVs in a while, so it's a nice feeling! :)

Waddle away

I had quite the full chin action going on at the beginning of this journey, as you can see in my before picture. My chin was BIG! I'm getting a bit of a waddle as a result. It doesn't hang down, but the skin hasn't snippity snapped back into place as much as I would have liked.

I've read that after significant weight loss, it can take 1-2 years for your skin to shrink back into place. I'm lucky that I have youth on my side, but at the end of this weight loss, when I'm hopefully down 2 bills, I am going to have to have some pretty snazzy skin to hope it all shrinks back into place.

If I'm not happy with the way I am after all this work (and waiting to see if it does spring back somewhat), I'm going to get plastic surgery, absolutely. I won't be able to truly feel like a thin person if I end up having a deflated fat suit under my clothes.

I know that's gross, but I'm just being honest. I still have a good 40+ (or more) lbs to lose, so I don't know how I'll end up. I know that the more I work out, the better my chances are, but if it comes to it, nip/tuck, baby.

Plastic surgery is one thousand times worse than the lap band surgery, so I'm not looking forward to it. I've met lots of people on line that have had it, and it's totally gross. You're out of commission for like 6 weeks, and there are drain tubes (gag), and bruising and nastiness all around...BUT, the end result is fabulous.

So we'll see, but I just want to mentally prepare all of you that this may be in my future. Deep breath. ;-)

Weight loss update

Still no change in the scale...I won't worry about it if you don't. :) I went through the same thing in January, as I've mentioned before, when I was sick for a few weeks, and immobile and not making the healthiest choices...it took a little bit to get back on track, and I went 3 weeks or so without any change.

I think I'm going through the same thing now. I'm back to making the good food choices, and the weight will follow. I've been slow to get back into my work out routine, which isn't helping, because I've been so over extended, as well as achy.

I few weeks ago, I tripped and fell hard on my left knee on cement, and it hasn't been the same. It's swollen and it creeks when I go up and down stairs. I can't bend my knee back very far either. Also, I pulled a muscle in my lower back last weekend, so as a result I'm afraid to do upper or lower body weight lifting. I think swimming would be a good cardiovascular work out, but I canceled our memberships to Hampshire Hills. With my schedule as it is now, there is no way I would be able to get there more than once/week, and it's just not worth the $170/mo for that.

Lanie joined a gym in Manchester with a pool, and I'm going to check it out and hopefully join it. I may go down there today.

The weight will start coming off again soon, and I'm just going to keep doing the right things. Even though my weight isn't changing, I think my body is shrinking, and that is just as fun if not more so!

Keep your chin up, dear readers.

You look awesome!

I look terrible today. My suit is too big, and my hair is just awful. I need a cut...BAD. I tried to get Darcy to cut it the other night, but she was tired and mumbled something about how if it was too short, it wouldn't make my suit look as good... I know that was a line of donkey poo because she likes my hair short more than anyone!

Anyway, I am seeing a bunch of people I haven't seen in a long time, and some people are afraid to say that you've lost weight...they think that may offend you by somehow implying you were overweight before.

Moi?

Noo, I was never overweight. That large person in the red shirt was merely big boned! :)

I don't mind one bit when people tell me I look like I've lost weight. I clearly have, and I was clearly extremely large before. It wasn't a secret, and I think everyone knew. LOL

Anyway, there are still those overly sensitive folks who are afraid to tell me I look thinner, so they tell me I look great! or awesome! or fabulous!!, and ironically, I always seem to run into these people when I do not look great, awesome or fabulous. So they give me this nice compliment, and I have to take it, but I feel silly because I look baaaaad. Maybe not as bad as when I was a lot bigger, but compared to my good days, bad.

I can't have all new clothes at once. The suits I was thrilled to fit into a few months ago now look silly on me, and it is what it is. I have to wear them until I can't, and I'm not getting new clothes every time I drop a few lbs.

I guess I could at least have nice hair...DARCE! ;-)

New to me, anyway

The camera quality isn't so great, but this is the nice hand me down suit that I have on today. It's a good fit, and it's very nice quality. Thanks, Brooke!

Another day, another dollar...spent...

I stopped by Kohl's (the epicenter of fashion - LOL) on my way home, and they were having a sale. Shocker. I found two new shirts for work that are very versatile to wear under suits, and I also found a delicious suit coat that I can wear with some dress pants I have. It was 80% off, so I got it for $40! Also, it's snug on me now, but I know it will absolutely fit me perfectly when I reach my goal.

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I just had my first glimpse of truly being in the home stretch!

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I found a shirt to go under this nice hand me down Jones New York black suit that I inherited. It looks really nice, and it fits me well. It's funny the difference it makes when my clothes actually fit.

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I have been having a breakdown lately about my messy house. Every sunny weekend day, when I choose to abandon my chores to enjoy boating and swimming, I tell myself that I won't be sitting around some snowy winter day regretting that I hadn't spent more sunny summer days cleaning...and I *know* that's true, but right now, we are way past my comfort zone. My car has been a mess too.

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I'm always on the go, and when I have a moment where I can relax, I take it. However, I need to get some of this under control because it's affecting my mental health at this point. :) On my way home from Kohl's (by the way, I spent under three minutes in the store), I stopped by a gas station to clean out my car. One small step, but it helped me feel a little more peace.

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When I arrived home, I had more work to do, and I worked until 9. It was a nice sunny night, and from my office area, I can see out a big window onto the water. I kept seeing boats go by, enjoying the sun, then the sun set...jealous... I got over it, pressed on through, and watched a little tv from 9-10 before calling it a night.

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I haven't had any change on the scale in a while. I know that for two weeks I was sick and sedentary, which didn't help, especially combined with my desire for comfort foods. I've been feeling better for the past few days, but I am not back in my routine yet. I need to go grocery shopping, and I need to get back to the gym. Monday and Tuesday I worked from early AM until 9PM at night, and today shouldn't be much different. I am working in Boston today, and from Boston I need to head to a conservation committee meeting in Goffstown for 8PM, and I won't be home until 9, and I know I'll have more work to do at that point.

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There are always excuses for not getting to the gym, and I know I just need to make the time, but I also know that I need to be mindful of the fact that I'm still getting well. Darcy is going grocery shopping tonight, and by tomorrow, I should be able to work the gym back into my routine.

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I'm looking forward to having a long weekend!

Finding the right size

I need some new shirts. Everything I have is either way too big or too small. The stuff I have inherited is all women's clothing, so while the pants fit, the shirts are ridiculous. I put on a women's button down shirt yesterday that fit me fine around, but my long arms were sticking out 4 inches past the cuff. I have really wide shoulders, so shirts are hard for me. I need to go shopping tonight because I have a new (to me) suit that I'm happy to wear (as it fits) but I have nothing to wear under it.

Yesterday was extremely busy. I was working and on the go until 9PM, and my mind wouldn't stop racing with all I had going on. I couldn't sleep last night, and I was up most of the night so today I'm dragging. I should have purchased a coffee on the way in.

Speaking of which, I cannot eat and drive. When you are banded, you have to be able to eat slowly. If you take too big of a bite, the food gets stuck and it's very painful. You can either suffer through it or spit it up. I know, gross. (Not as gross as being 200 lbs overweight, though)

Yesterday I stopped by Dunkins on the way to a meeting, and I purchased an ice coffee and a turkey sausage multigrain flat bread for lunch. I didn't realize it, but they gave me a turkey, bacon and cheese flat bread - not what I ordered. Oh well - I didn't have time to get anything else, and I started to eat the sandwich while driving. I was in a rush, and I wasn't thinking, and all of the sudden, I had a giant golf ball feeling in my chest (technically, my esophagus).

It wouldn't go away, and it was very painful, and I ended up having to spit up my food into a bag that almost started leaking all over my suit. Nice. Very nice.

So, I must plan to be much better about planning to eat when I have time (which isn't always possible), and no more attempts at eating in the car when I am distracted.

What a beautiful weekend!

Hello dear readers,

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I'm sorry that I haven't blogged since Thursday. I was having trouble with the site on Friday, and I've been out on the lake since Friday evening. The picture above is one of the openings. If it panned just a little more to the right, you would be able to see cupcake island, and most likely, me. :)

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Health update: I'm feeling loads better - almost back to normal! Yesterday I was out kayaking twice, and it was so nice to be able to be active again. I can finally breathe. We also had fun tossing a football around at cupcake island on Saturday and Sunday.

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This is going to be a busy week for me, as I have two town meetings to attend for the lake association, a busy week for work as well as my side project, and my summer classes are coming to an end, which means preparing for finals and research papers. Still, I plan to fit in my regular exercise routine now that I'm feeling better.

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I can't believe Labor Day is next weekend!

Whatcha eatin'?

As I've mentioned in previous posts, being sick is not a friend of eating healthy...at least not for this kid! Today is the 2 week anniversary of me being sick. I ate junk the first 2-3 days, and then I said enough was enough, and I ate healthy for the next few days, but then I wasn't getting any better, and I just got lazy with my food choices, and then I tried to be good again, and then we had all this leftover junk in the house and we ate out a few meals, so I wasn't eating as well as I should, and then at the beginning of this week I started with my healthy routine again, but then when I saw my MD and she told me how sick I was and that I should rest, I started to slump into overeating and making bad choices again.

I think I went through a similar phenomenon this past winter (late December or early January) when I had the same sickness, and it put my weight loss on hold. I think I went through a three week time span in January when I was sick, and I didn't lose any weight. As soon as I felt better, I was back with a vengeance! I can't wait to hit that point again, but I know I need to get better first.

For now, I'm going to do my best one day at a time, and I'm going to hold myself accountable by posting my daily food diary:

Breakfast: Kashi Multigrain Blueberry waffles with sugar free syrup
Lunch: Grilled Turkey Kielbasa with caramelized onions, mustard and horseradish on a Joseph's Flax Oil/Whole Grain Tortilla with baby carrots
Snack: Kiwi
Dinner: I plan to have 3 oz of grilled pork chops with garlic grilled green beans and baked sweet potato "fries"

Daily totals
Calories: 858
Fat: 32 g
Fiber: 24.3 g
Protein: 54.6 g

Acadia National Park

My mom left me a message after reading about my vacation quandary, and she suggested that I go to Acadia National Park in Maine for my birthday. Normally, I would think, yeah right. My idea of a vacation is not some crunchy tourist trap, but now, I think differently. Well, kind of. I wouldn't want to spend a whole week there, but a 4 day weekend would be great!

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It's a great place to hike, bike, walk, explore, etc...all things active! In the past, all I wanted to do was relax on my vacations, but now, I love the prospect of going somewhere beautiful and being outside in nature. It's funny how things change.

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I'm on the mend still, but I'm very tired today. I think it's just running its' course. My MD wasn't in yesterday, but I'll connect with her today. I think if I just continue to take my meds and lay low, I will kick this thing soon enough.

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Happy Birthday to Jimmy, who turns 46 years young today!

Soooooooo ready for a vacation

The last vacation we had was Key West, this past January. We did have the 4 day trip to Scottsdale too, which was awesome, but I had to work during it, so I can't really call it a vacation. We were planning to take a week+ off in September to do a nice California vacation, but now that September is so close, I don't see this happening. With all I have on my plate right now, I wouldn't have time to plan a trip, let alone take the time off to go.

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I think I'm going to try for October. That gives me a little more breathing room. I'm also thinking of only signing up for one class for the fall term. I'm probably just being realistic about all of these things because I'm sick. When I'm feeling better, there's no stopping me. Oy.

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I'm working from home today, and I just feel tired and weak still. I could really go for a nap, but I don't have time for it. Sweet little Lanie just texted me saying she's going to the store, and she wanted to know if I needed anything. What a doll. I thought about it, and if there was anything I could go for right now, it would be soup. That reminded me, however, that I already have soup!

I'm going to make some. I continue to be much hungrier than usual...I'm wondering if my body just needs more nutrients than usual to help get well, or if I just need a fill! I wish I knew, because then I would either ignore the hunger pains or I would eat to get in more nutrients.

Yesterday, I ate pretty healthy, but I ate whenever I was hungry. I ended up consuming 1400 calories. It's not the end of the world, but it's more than usual.

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I'm up a few lbs on the scale. Some of it is bloat, but other must be related to me eating more and moving less. I need to get well soon, so I can get back into my routine. In the mean time, I'm going to focus on getting well.

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Good night. (I wish)

Update from the MD

I went to the MD, and she gave me meds for bronchitis as well as a new type of inhaler. She said it sounded like I was only getting a tiny bit of air into my lungs (not surprising, as I haven't been able to breathe in weeks), and that I'm very sick. I don't know if she is just being motherly or what, but she's very sweet. She said she's very concerned about me, and I need to take a few days to rest.

I have so many things on my plate right now, I don't know how I can rest, but I may work from home for a few more days. I'm at one of the hospitals now, and I don't want to see anyone because apparently I look so pale. That's what my doctor said. She said everyone must be telling me how pale I look. LOL

She was concerned that the bronchitis may have blossomed into pneumonia, so she sent me to the hospital for a chest x-ray. In the picture above, you can see lungs that are cloudy as a result of pneumonia. I don't know my results yet, but I'll keep you posted.

In the mean time, I'm hoping the new (stronger) inhaler will work, as well as the drugs. She prescribed me something with codeine too, so maybe I can sleep through the night! That will be a good start. Overall, I don't feel deathly, just weak, tired, a little shakey, and the whole coughing and inability to breathe thing...I really was much worse at the beginning...

Nice Dinner

For dinner last night, I made marinated grass fed local steak tips on the grill. I had a locally grown organic cucumber on the side. I was keeping it light, since I'd had junk during the day and I want to detox. Darcy said the steak tips were the best she'd ever had in her life, and I would agree!

I used one of my staple marinades: fat free italian dressing with reduced sodium soy sauce. I tenderized the tips, and they were grilled to perfection...my version of perfection anyway... I'm looking forward to having them again for lunch today.

For breakfast, I will have 2 Kashi multigrain blueberry waffles with sugar free syrup. If I have extra room, I will have some kiwi on the side, and if not, I'll have that for a mid-morning snack.

I'm glad to be focusing on healthy foods again, and not just whatever is the easiest to grab. I'm still sick, and I think that if I eat healthy and continue to get a lot of liquids, I'll start to get better. I'm taking vitamins again (I've been bad about that), and I may even take a Claritan today to see what happens, but I just hate how they make me feel.

Last night, I worked until about 8ish, and then we watched CSI. After that, we went to bed and took nyquil. I slept okay at first, but I was up coughing and sweating, but freezing for quite a bit until I ended up taking nyquil again. I think this thing is trying to work is way out of me, and I'd like to help it. :) At this point, I'm pretty sure a lot of it is allergy related, and I'm thinking about getting a prescription for some allergy meds.

Today I have a full day of work, plus a draft of a paper I need to finish for school. We have a lake association meeting tomorrow night, so I have somethings I need to get in order for that tonight as well, since I'll be heading to the meeting directly from Boston tomorrow.

Stay well!

Junk food

I seem to be in a little bit of a funk. I'm a very happy person, so being in a funk for me is probably like being normal for most. I'm not upset or depressed, I'm just a little bit blah. I've been sick for a while now, and it's draining. Plus, I *really* miss working out and feeling healthy.

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When I feel sick and lazy, it makes me feel gross and fat. I don't make as good of choices with food. We have some leftover junk in the house from the cook out. I don't even like junk food, but I feel like junk, so when I pass the chips, I take a few...not many, but whatever...I don't feel good. Not feeling well seems to be a crutch for me.

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I grazed on chips 4 times today, which ended up being a total serving, and a giant waste of 175 calories. The salad I ordered was late, so I had 3 slices of salami - they were thin slices, but still, another 100 calories. I only eat 1000 calories a day, and I already wasted almost 300 of them! I almost never feel tempted to eat bad things when I'm healthy, but when I'm sick, I'm useless.

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I need to remove the temptation, because apparently I can't handle it. I threw out all the left over junk food from the weekend, and now I can easily see all of my healthy food in the refrigerator. It's easy to grab something quick and easy when you're in a hurry, and sometimes it's more work to pick out the healthier options... By making sure that healthy foods are in plain view, it's easier to pick them!

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I also sorted through my clothes again, and I have 3 more bags of clothes that are too big. It's funny seeing the things that I just bought a few months ago in my fat clothes pile. I remember trying to squeeze into the jeans and being so excited when I finally could button them...now they wouldn't even stay up...

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I'm really hoping that tomorrow I will be well enough to work out. I am very eager to start feeling healthy again.

Michael Phelps

I need to step it up a bit. I'm pretty happy with myself if I eat healthy and workout regularly, but it's easy to let those things slide too. No, I don't want to compete in the olympics, but the thought of being in the shape of an olympian seems pretty awesome.

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This kid started training at 7, I think. He was in the olympics for the first time at 15, and now at 23, he's set records that will probably remain for decades. At 23, I was working a cubicle job that was not at all challenging, and I was just all about having fun with my friends. I can't imagine being this driven.

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I may be a late bloomer, though. ;-) Michael Phelps swims 2-5 hours, every single day. I know that's his job, but he's also a student, and he helps to coach his schools swim team as well. It's very admirable.

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When I'm eating healthy and working out, I feel so much better and healthier. Even though I still have a good chunk of weight to lose, I don't feel like a fat load, and I have a good energy level. Since I've been sick, I've been eating okay. I haven't been going over my calories, since my first 2 day food bender (with the exception of one day since then), but I haven't been eating great either.

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I haven't worked out because I still can't breathe, and I feel fat and gross. I'm not training for the olympics, but I can learn something from these athletes about making health a *constant* priority. That is something I could do better, and that is something I want to do better.

Great success

The BBQ was a success. We had about 50 people attend, which is much more than I expected. I'm glad I have so much outdoor seating! Jimmy was a *huge* help, as he BBQd everything while I mingled and answered questions, and Alison came up early to help me prepare, and she wrote out receipts all night long. Thank you!!

Yesterday was overcast, but we did make it out for a sunset cruise, which was nice. I taught Alison how to drive the boat, and she did a great job!

Today we have Kitty and Nancy's wedding. It's at their house, which is on a lake. I've never been, and I'm glad I'll be spending this sunny day near water. These kids have been together longer than I've been alive (32 years!!), and I wish them the absolute best!

I'm down another lb today, for a total of 156 lbs lost. My BMI is down 23 points. Holy moly.

Let them eat junk!

Even before I started my healthy living journey, I was never one to serve hot dogs and hamburgers at a BBQ. I'm not a snob; it just truly never occurred to me. I have probably hosted more than 100 cookouts in my adult life, and I only remember 2 times when hot dogs and hamburgers surfaced.

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One was a labor day BBQ, 4 years ago. We were away in Northampton, MA all weekend, but we had invited people over for a BBQ. We got home just as folks were arriving, so I ordered hot dogs and hamburgers from a nearby restaurant.

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The other time was the Memorial Day BBQ last year. Alison brought over...I want to say hundreds of hot dogs and hamburgers...although I know that must be an exaggeration. We were expecting a lot of people, so we supplemented the chicken and beef with hot dogs and hamburgers.

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Today, I am hosting my first BBQ where hot dogs and hamburgers are the planned focus of the menu. We are having a BBQ as a kick off for a membership drive for the lake association, and I have absolutely no idea how many people are going to show up. I have 48 hot dogs and 20 burgers, as well as about 10 chicken patties ready to go. If we need more, we can run to the store. It's supposed to rain, however, so I'm not anticipating much.

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As I was paying for my items at the grocery store last night, it occurred to me that I was buying an *entire* shopping cart full of items that I won't eat. It seems like such a waste..then part of me feels bad for serving food that I won't eat, but again, it's not like my guests don't eat this stuff... I wish I had the money to have a healthy BBQ, but it would have cost 5 times as much, no doubt...

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I have a lot to do today before the BBQ, so I best get crack-a-lackin.

Exhausted

I give in. I'm calling my MD today. I was up coughing during the night, and I've been up since 4AM because I couldn't stop that time. I want to swallow some nyquil and take a sick day, but I have too much to do.

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I also have an appointment with a gastroenterologist today, to see what's wrong with me from that stomach pain I had. I *really* don't feel like doing all that today, and they probably don't want me in their office! I will call when they open to see if they would like to reschedule. It took a long time to get the appointment, so they may tell me to come in anyway.

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This is the rainiest summer in 50 years, so far...we may ever surpass that. Yesterday, the sky was finally clear, so we went out for a boat ride with Jimmy and Anita. I probably shouldn't have been outside at night (I was bundled up, though), but these are the choices I make...I missed the sun over the weekend because I was so sick, and I couldn't miss the sun during the week. Life is just too short.

Loser!

This is my friend TJ. Yes, he is wearing scrubs, but no, he is not a doctor. He just plays one on Halloween...yes, every Halloween. Why am I calling him a loser? Because it's funny!

Noooo, I'm not calling him a loser. I am calling myself a loser, and this fine specimen is going to be my next person lost. TJ weighs in at a lean and muscular 177 lbs. I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but he appears to have a cigarette in his right hand. That is before he quit smoking. He is doing a FABULOUS job, and we are so proud of him. You can read all about his journey on his blog. He is hilarious, and his blog is much more entertaining than mine.

So I'm 22 lbs away from losing my dear TJ (you know him from the comments as "Tom" - he thinks that's his grown up name or something). In the last 2 months, I've averaged a 2.25 lb loss per week. If I continue along that path, which would be swell, I will ditch TJ by mid to late October, and I could be down as much as 170 lbs by my one year bandiversary date (10/3). That would be cool, because I was originally hoping for 150!

I have about 40 lbs left to go to reach my original goal, although I will continue to evaluate it as I get closer and closer. I had planned to reach my original goal in February, but if I continue at this pace, I'll hit it by the end of 2008. I can't imagine what I will do with myself once I'm at goal.

What details will I bore you with then?

I'm sure I'll have plenty. ;0-)

I seem to have misplaced a cute Brazilian

Okay, I so know I already posted that I was down a lb, but I weighed myself again, and I was actually down 2 lbs, to a total of 155, and I have now lost Marcel/lo!

However, looking at him in this picture, I'm wondering why I would want to lose him and keep lumpy old me... Hmmmm.... perhaps I should rethink my strategy... ;-)

My next human lost goal will be posted soon!

Strange day...

I worked from home yesterday, in an attempt to keep my colleagues healthy, and I took a break midday to pass out some flyers in my neighborhood (for a neighborhood BBQ I'm hosting on Friday night as part of a membership drive for the lake association), and I drove down the road to an area near the trestle, and there were fire trucks, ambulances, police, marine patrol, a diving squad, news 9 and about 50 onlookers gathered around the boat launch.

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Our friend Denis, who manages to *never* miss any piece of the action, was on his cell phone, reporting live to his friends and family. I parked my car, and I caught up with him to see what happened. This blog is public, and I don't want to fuel any rumors that are unfounded, so until the official reports are out, I will leave out the speculation, but what I do know is that a local 30 year old man entered the water, but no one saw him surface.

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The first responders were on the scene at 12:50, and the divers went in with underwater cameras, etc, to find him. I arrived after 2PM, and it was just as they were finding him. He was towed out of the water, and he had passed away. It was very surreal, and I can't believe my timing. The officers were asking everyone to leave, and I was trying to explain to them that I was just down there to pass out flyers for the lake association... Who knew it would turn into all that. Very, very sad...

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Today I'm down another lb, for a total of 154 lbs lost, 1 lb away from losing Marcel/lo! I have to say, I feel like I've been in the 150's forever, and I'm anxious to get into the 160's. Let's hope I get there soon!

Dunkin Donuts goes healthy...ish

I rarely to never drink caffeine, because I don't want to get addicted again, but today I was dragging so much from lack of sleep, I decided to get a coffee at Dunkin's. I also decided I wanted to try one of their new multi-grain egg white flatbread sandwhiches. I chose the turkey sausage and vegetable. I think it was a bit smaller than the traditional flatbread sandwiches, which is not a concern to me, as I think they are all too big.

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I must say, it wasn't bad. I have a hard time really critquing it, as I have a cold and my taste bugs are muted, but I thought it was pretty tasty. It's very processed, so I wouldn't advocate eating it all the time, but if you are desperate and on the go, this isn't a bad choice. I ate about a third of it, but the entire thing has 280 calories and 6 grams of fat, so not bad...

Bad host

Last year, I cooked out almost every weekend - I'd have potato salad, mac n cheese, corn on the cob, steak tips, chicken breasts...you name it. I didn't plan these cook outs - they just happened. On the weekend, people just show up, and I was always ready.

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Now I buy the gross cheap bags of chips and popcorn at the grocery store, and put that out to eat. Every once in a while, Darcy breaks out the pita and hummus too. I used to spend hundreds of dollars on food for one cook out. That's craziness. Now that I don't eat much, I wouldn't dream of it.

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When my family was in town last week, I hardly made anything. I made a chicken sausage with roasted vegetables and orzo the first day, and then a big roast beef dinner the second, but that was really it. I used to plan out something good for every meal, and now it just doesn't even occur to me.

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I'm glad to be more apathetic about food, but I should probably step it up a bit when I have guests! I need to remind myself that they still like to eat! It's not that I don't like to eat...it's just that I don't care about it that much. I eat for fuel. I can eat the same meal 7 times in a row if I have leftovers. It's strange.

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I should have one big BBQ before the season is done. I need to feed the people.

1 lb of fat (gross)

That is a replica of one lb of fat; the mug is just a reference point. Oh, Planet Hollywood. Whatever happened to you? I used to love that place when I was younger. I went to the one in New York a few times, and I met some great C and D list folks. I loved that place mat with all the celebrity high school photos, but they probably should have updated it every, oh, decade or so...

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I'm getting off point. I lost a lb. Yay. I thought my body was on strike for lack of exercise. I'm now down 153, 2 lbs away from losing Marcel/lo. I'm going to train like Rocky today (yes, I just watched Rocky VI, aka Rocky Balboa this weekend, so hence, the outdated reference) to lose those last 2 lbs...not really...I'm still wheezy and coughy. I don't feel as weak or out of it as I was over the weekend, but the annoying symptoms are still present.

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I can't believe how contagious this thing is. I caught it from my Mom, I think, and I've given it to Darcy, Stephanie and Caroline. I haven't seen anyone else, and it's probably a good thing, because I think they would have it too!

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Yesterday was loads of fun. I worked on one project for 11 hours straight. It was all based on a 15 page excel spreadsheet, and I thought I was going to go blind by the end of the day. After that fun, I watched an hour of TV with Darcy, but she went to bed at 8 (because I got her sick), so I decided to do some homework and a little more work. I continued on with that excitement until 10, and then I went to bed. I woke up coughing at 5, and I've been up since then, but it was better than the night before when I was up half the night.

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My mother warned me that this thing lasts forever. I can handle the annoying cough and wheeze and runny nose, but just keep the weak and tired stuff away. Deal? Deal.

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Don't forget to wash your hands! (I hear there's something going around.)

Phat clothes

One of my friends lost a bunch of weight, but at her highest, she was a size 16. Last year, she brought me about eight bags of clothing that was too big for her. Darcy and I went through it, and I kept the suits in my closet, knowing I would have the lap band and they would eventually fit, and Darcy put the rest of the clothes in bins in the garage.

My new obsession is my need to clean out the garage, and since I was too sick to deal with it yesterday, we decided to start working on it by going through all of these clothes. As it turns out, the pants all fit me now! I was very surprised. I figured I could fit into certain size 16 pants, but not all of them, but pair after pair that I tried on kept fitting!

The next pair of men's shorts that I had to fit into were a size 34, so I decided to try those on last night, and they fit too! They were snug, but they fit. Size 16 women's and size 34 men's is slightly misleading for me, because while the bottoms fit, I still have a lot of weight on top to lose. I'm not even close to wearing the tops she gave us, although I did fit into a size large men's sweater, which I also found to be a miracle. :)

I'm still up a lb or two, but I know it will be gone tomorrow. Even though I weighed less on the scale a week ago, I didn't fit into the size 34 shorts, so my body is shrinking and catching up with my weight loss, and that is a really cool thing!

Yesterday I was back on track with healthy eating, and I had 902 calories for the day. I'm still sick with the cold, and I was up coughing all throughout the night (worse than the past 2 nights for some reason), so I may call the MD today to see if she thinks it's more than a cold/flu. I am looking forward to getting well so I can start working out again!

Grass fed pork

About 6 weeks ago, I went to my local organic foods market, and I purchased 2 frozen grass fed pork chops from a local farm. I didn't have time to cook them that day, and I put them in the freezer and forgot about them. I found them today when I was trying to determine what I needed to buy for groceries this week, and I thawed them out and made them for lunch, with my vegetable "fried" rice.

This was the first time I had ever had grass fed pork, and it was delicious. It doesn't even taste like the pork that you buy at the grocery store - the difference is even more dramatic than grain fed verses grass fed beef. The pork was so moist, tender and flavorful. When I buy pork chops at the grocery store, they are fed grains (which they too are not intended to eat), and they are loaded up with growth hormones and antibiotics, and tons of other chemicals, and they lose all flavor, and almost all nutritional value.

It costs a good bit more to buy locally grown grass fed meats, but the animals have a much healthier and happier existence, and they are so much better for you. It's unfortunate that in many cases, this kind of food is cost prohibitive, but I do think that if you can buy it in bulk, there is definitely a savings. I am in the market for a freezer for the garage, so that I can get some good deals from the local farms.

I still don't know where I've landed on the whole organic thing, but I think I really need to eat locally grown organic produce, and locally grown grass fed, free range meats...I'm still working through the grains, and I'm trying to drastically limit the amount of processed foods that I eat, but it is hard. I'm not fanatical, and I don't think it will kill me to have corn fed meats when I'm at someone's home or at a restaurant. I think that as long as the majority of the time, I'm eating the healthier meats, it will make a big difference in lowering my cholesterol, raising my omega-3 intake, and lowering the amount of unhealthy fats (and chemicals) that I'm consuming.

I encourage you to give these meats a try!

Meal plan

I have found that when I designate certain days for certain meals, it doesn't always happen on the day I plan it, and that doesn't matter, so from now on, my weekly meal plans will be more in a summary fashion.

Breakfast options:

• vegetable omelet
• yogurt + kashi
• kashi waffles + fresh fruit

Lunch options:

• leftovers (preferred, as dinner is usually my most well balanced meal)
• turkey ham on joseph's tortilla with fresh fruit or veggies
• tuna on joseph's tortilla with fresh fruit or veggies
• hummus and cucumber on joseph's pita

Dinner options:

• Mesquite chicken salad with whole grain croutons
• Hoison pork chop with vegetable "fried" rice
• Whole grain english muffin pizzas with fresh carrots and celery
• Grilled marinated chicken breasts with low fat potato salad and yellow and green beans
• Teriyaki beef tips with potato salad and garlic snow peas

(It's not realistic to plan to make seven separate dinners for each night of the week because when you are only eating 3 oz. of lean protein per serving, there is bound to be leftovers, even beyond lunch time. If anything, we would go out for sushi for a different meal option this week.)

Snacks:

• Watermelon
• Nectarines
• Cucumbers
• Celery
• Carrots
• Kiwi
• Strawberries
• Fruit salad
• Yogurt
• 99% fat free single serving popcorn (100 calories/4 grams of fiber)

I have heard some bandsters say they do not snack, and that they only eat their 3 meals per day, and that's it. If that works for you, great. I eat when I'm hungry. That is often between meals. I had breakfast 2 hrs ago, and I'm not ready for lunch, but I could go for a nectarine right now, so that's what I'll have. We all have to do what works best for us, individually.

The road to recovery

I must be feeling better today, because all I want are fruits, vegetables, and other healthy things. The junk I ate the past two days has made my body feel gross. I don't know why being sick makes me want gross foods. It's not as though I go through life craving bad foods, but rejecting the urges to eat them with will power, I truly prefer to eat healthy. I'm not rewarding myself with a treat for being sick by eating bad foods - it's just that when I'm sick, it's the only time I really crave bad things.

I've made a practice of giving into my urges since I've been on this journey because that is what works for me. I know it wouldn't work for everyone. For me, every diet I ever had ended when I "fell off the wagon," and gave in to have something that was bad. I decided that in order to end that cycle, I shouldn't be on the wagon to begin with.

I eat healthy because I want to eat healthy, and I enjoy eating healthy. The rare times I crave something that is unhealthy, I have it, in moderation, and then I get back to my healthy eating. I think this is how the thin people do it, and it seems to work for me. These past two days, I just really wanted junk, and I had it.

I'm feeling better today (about 70%), and now all I want are healthy foods. I had a sugar free carnation instant breakfast for breakfast this morning because I know it's full of vitamins and nutrients, and it seemed like a bit of a cleanse from the foods I've been eating.

It's amazing how much more I can eat when I'm sick with the flu. I think it's largely because I'm eating softer foods that travel through the band easier than meats, but I also had an increased appetite for sure. On Friday, I consumed 1405 calories, and on Saturday I had 1770. Last week, even with those high days, I averaged 1100 calories per day, which is within my range. I'm not justifying that those two days were okay, because even if I ate 800 calories of junk food per day, that would be missing the point, it's just interesting how I can eat whatever I want for two days and still be within my target calorie range for the week.

At this point, I'm not sure if I'll make it to exercise today, but I will definitely be on the healthy eating bandwagon.

I'm up a few lbs today. I know that some of it is water weight, since I consumed a ton of sodium the past two days, but I probably put on some real weight too from sitting around, not exercising, and eating junk food. I know it will all be gone in a few days, and hopefully I'll be losing Marcel/lo this week!

Last day

I feel slightly better than I did yesterday...I think... I'm taking Tylenol cold (day and night), per my Mom's urging, but the day stuff makes me feel foggy and slow. I've been taking it all day, but I still have a fever. I'm betting that will break tonight.

I'm giving myself the rest of the day to be sick, and I'm determined to feel much better tomorrow. I'm invoking my process of mind over matter. ;-)

Seriously, though, it's been two days of being plopped on the couch, eating whatever I want, and not moving. I feel gross. I know most of that is because I'm sick, but part of it is because I'm not eating like I normally do.

Tomorrow I plan to feel better, and I'm going to put my meal plan in place, grocery shop, get some work done, and hopefully exercise, as long as that's not pushing it, and as long as my fever is gone.

I've been drinking lots of liquids and getting LOTS of rest, although I did manage to get some work and lake association projects done this AM before loading up on the cold medicine, so I feel good about that as well.

We only have a few weekends left of summer, and it's been killing me to watch the boats drive by my house on this beautiful day, but such is life. I want to get this over with as soon as possible, so if that means missing a sunny Saturday, so be it.

Shout out to little Benny (nephew) who turned 3 today! Happy Birthday, buddy!

Sick

I feel like junk today. I'm tired, warm, my chest is burning, I can't stop wheezing whenever I inhale/exhale, my cough is loud, gross and annoying... It's not fun. I prefer to be healthy, thank you.

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I'm obsessed with this Clark Rockefeller thing. I can't get enough of it. My obsession started the day I was driving to work, and I saw the amber alerts for the black SUV with red sox plates and stickers. I was driving down the road, weaving in and out of traffic to get a good look at every black SUV in my path. I'm insane, oh yes.

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I never dreamed it would turn into all this! It's all very exciting for me. I can't wait for the movie. I really can't wait to find out how it all turns out! At this point, he should just spill his guts, but I think that may be a bit anticlimactic. You can't make this stuff up, seriously.

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That has nothing to do with health, but I just had to mention it. Every decade or so, I get obsessed with some crime. I always pick the good ones...like Pam/e Smart when I was in high school. We used to correspond with each other - oh yeah. I would get cards from her on Disney stationary, and I'd read them to my class at school. I was on the student council, and I remembered (from one of the many books I read about her) that she was too, so I'd ask for her advice on certain student council issues. I'm a nutty nut.

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So I'm sick and obsessed, and I can't be bothered with thinking about working out or eating healthy. When I'm sick, all bets are off. It's not a good thing, but it's a thing. I just don't care about counting calories or eating my normal portions of blah, blah, blah. I just want to veg out in front of the TV and do whatever makes me feel a little better.

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When I'm no longer sick, I'll evaluate this pattern to see if I should change. For now, it is what it is. So there. ;-)

Good little girl scouts

Girl scouts learn to leave a place looking better than it did when they arrived. That's what my mom and my sister were determined to do! (Even though we were pioneer girls, rather than girl scouts.)

I took time off while they were here, but in my down time, I still had work to do and homework to do, so I couldn't stay on top of things as much as I would have liked to. Every time I turned around, they were doing dishes, laundry, taking out the trash...I felt like a loser!

They are too good, and I'll just never be as good as they are, so I'm not going to try. :) I wish I had done a better job of keeping up with things, and I think that if I didn't have quite so much on my plate right now to keep up with, I would have done a better job.

They are going to need a vacation after visiting with me!

xo! :)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm coming down with something. I thought it was allergies, but I woke up really early this AM with tightness in my chest, burning in my throat and an annoying cough. I am too busy to be sick, so this better be a false alarm!

Skinny people have all the fun

Yesterday we went to the SEE Science Center with the boys. It was a great museum! They have an exhibit called the moon walk. As you can see in the picture above, the kids wear a vest with straps, and it's attached to a pulley system that recreates the feeling of less gravity. They say if you can jump one foot in the air on earth, you could jump 6 feet on the moon!

The machine allows the kids to jump, and they jump way up high! So fun! There is a maximum weight limit, however, set at 70 lbs. That's not very much weight. They actually weigh all of the kids before letting them use the moon walk. Lots of kids were turned away, and many of them were older, but some of them were just bigger for their age. I also some some children step out of line, as soon as they heard they were going to be weighed. That would have been me as a kid.

I wasn't fat - I was an active kid, but I was certainly on the husky side. I've always had a big frame, and I was much bigger than my skinny little friends when we were growing up. I remembered hearing that the Ground Round would charge parents their kid's weight for their dinner, and I was horrified at that thought. I knew I weighed more than other kids my age, and I knew that wasn't a good thing.

All the little skinny kids didn't think twice about standing in line and getting weighed in front of a crowd. Then they got to do the cool moon walk after, which the bigger kids couldn't. I felt a little bit bad for them, and hence today's topic: skinny people have all the fun.

There were so many things I skipped out on when I was bigger. Some things because I didn't have a choice, and other things because I didn't want to put myself in a spot where I may be embarrassed. When I decided to have weight loss surgery, I started to get over those hang ups, even though I hadn't lost any weight. We moved to the water last year, and before, I never would have gone on boats because I would have worried I was too fat.

I was huge last summer, but for some reason, since I knew I was taking care of it, I started getting over it before I even started losing it. So many of us let our weight and body image issues hold us back from doing things we enjoy, and it's not necessary. If you don't like your weight, try to fix it, but in the mean time, LIVE.

This is not a dress rehearsal, so make it count!

Oh, my aching back!

I didn't go to the gym yesterday, because my back was hurting me. I haven't worked out at a gym since my company arrived, but I feel like I've been active! I do look forward to getting back into my routine (ha! as if I have a routine!), but I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything. I can't believe they are leaving tomorrow!

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I took today off from work to spend with them, but they have been off visiting with relatives all morning. That works out well, though, because we're having a pre-birthday party for Benny tonight, and I had an opportunity to go shopping, decorate, wrap the gifts, etc... I've also had a chance to do a little work, which is a good thing.

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I haven't had a chance to do much/any school work or work for the lake association this week, so I'm going to have to kick it into overdrive tomorrow night after work! I haven't been eating as well rounded as I usually do. I'm not sure why, but I need to go grocery shopping this weekend, as well as put together a meal plan for next week. My weight has been staying the same.

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I'm going to miss my little guys (and my mom and sister!!) when they leave tomorrow! I've had so much fun with them. We are going to the SEE Science Museum in Manchester this afternoon. I think they will like that. I'm hoping Darcy comes home from work early, so that we can get Ben's party started!

Hungry day

Yesterday I had the hungry horrors. Every once in a while this happens to me, and it's very strange. I'm usually barely hungry at all, but then I have a day when I feel like I have a hollow leg to fill.

I eat if I'm hungry. I don't starve myself because I'm supposed to stay around 1000 calories per day. I never average 1000 calories per day. Yesterday I consumed 1408 calories. I wasn't binging...obviously... I just ate when I was hungry. Even with that, I averaged 765 calories per day for the past week.

I can tell today isn't a hungry day. I had trouble finding the oomph to eat all of my breakfast, but I know I need to get my meals in.

Yesterday we had a nice active day swimming, playing with the boys, kayaking, boating, etc... My grandmother came up, and it was great to spend time with her as well. My sister went kayaking for the first time, and she did great!

Today I'm working a half day, and the fam is going to the beach, so I think I'm going to the gym to work out legs today. My upper body has had plenty of work throwing my little guys around, so we're good there.

My weight is the same. Maybe I'll lose a lb tomorrow since the hungry horrors are now gone!

Two little monkeys

My mom, sister, and nephews arrived Saturday afternoon. Jack and Benny immediately changed into their bathing suits, and jumped into the water. It was fun playing with them! Jack is turning 6 in September, and Ben is turning 3 in a few days (August 9th, he's happy to tell you).

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I haven't worked out since they got here, but I think I'm calling it even. These little boys love to climb on me, and run and jump into my arms as I swing them around. It is not uncommon for me to have both of them on my arms in the water, climbing on top of me, and wanting to be thrown.

I don't think my shoulders have ever had such a good work out. It's fun having them here!

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Yesterday, we went out to Rita Mae's for breakfast, and the boys had Mickey Mouse pancakes. Jack is an exceptional reader, considering he hasn't even attended kindergarten yet, but had no problem reading out of my book "Speak Like a CEO," so he was reading all the signs at the restaurant, and it was very funny.

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My mom and sister were sipping their coffee, and all of the sudden, Jack said, "I'm not cheap, I'm just on sale this week." What?! Oh, yeah, the sign on the pie rack. LOL! Benny is funny in his own way, in that he likes to growl randomly in restaurants. Everyone seemed to think he was funny, so that was a good thing!

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We took the boat out to cupcake island, and we had so much fun! We played with a football, a beach ball, noodles, and then a rousing game of marco polo.

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We came back to the house to prepare for some relatives coming over to visit. After dinner, I went swimming again with the boys. They go to bed early, but so did I last night! They wore me out!

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I'm working from home this AM, and I have the afternoon off. I'm hoping to take them back out to cupcake island, and I'm going to see if I can get my sister tubing! I don't know how she does it all, between those boys, teaching college classes, being mother and wife of the year, etc... She is amazing! Speaking of that, she's making dinner tonight, and I can't wait!

Thank you!!!!!!!!

This week has given me a run for my money. I can handle a lot, but even for me, it was a stretch. I couldn't have accomplished everything I needed to, without the amazing people in my life. (I sound like I won an academy award. Really, I just did some work, homework, lake stuff, and prepared for company...close enough.)

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I'm so busy every weekend, because if I'm not working or doing homework or cleaning, I like to enjoy the precious days off of summer. I'm always on the boat or parked at cupcake island or hanging out with my friends. The point is: my lawn was very very overgrown.

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I kind of overdid it with the outdoor seating. We have 4 lawn chairs, 4 fake Adirondack chairs, a picnic table, a bench, another bench, and an outdoor patio set (not counting all the furniture on the porch, and certainly not counting all of the portable chairs that we have). I have to move a ton of stuff when I mow, and it's just a pain. Sometimes I procrastinate about it. :)

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When I got home from work on Wednesday, I noticed that my whole lawn had been weedwacked and mowed. Jimmy came over and did the whole thing while I was gone! What a huge help! The next day, he moved my boat trailer from my driveway to his house so that it would be out of my way, and this morning, he came over and brought a ton of things to the dump for me, that were too big for the normal weekly pick up.

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Jimmy has always been unbelievably helpful to us, and he doesn't really like being thanked, so I have to think of a way to show him our appreciation for all he does without scaring him off.

Alison has always been a friend I can rely on. When I used to move every other day, practically, and couldn't afford to hire movers, Alison was always there, packing, moving, speeding things along and making it fun. When I decided to remodel an apartment that I didn't even own, Alison was there, tiling the floor with me, and helping me paint. If I was 10 hrs away (or more) and I needed Alison, she would be there in an instant. It is a wonderful feeling to know that someone has your back, no matter what. Alison spent hours cleaning and tidying our house yesterday. We have company a lot (almost daily I think), and it's a lot to keep up with. I enjoy it, but my house is never the way I want it.

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It was an amazing help for Alison to clean while I did homework, took a test, worked, and cleaned as well.

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I've mentioned my ridiculous cat before. He has an overeating disorder, like a dog. He would eat himself to death if we let him. He got into the room where we keep his food, and he opened the bag and ate himself sick, and he got sick, all over the house. Alison picked it up the first time, because I'm completely unable to deal with it, but then he kept going and going...in the corner, on the rug...I wasn't sure if I should throw the rug out or the cat out. (joke)

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Stephanie came over and she cleaned up the whole mess, changed the litter box, scrubbed the rug, and then vacuumed!

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Although we (mostly Alison!) got a lot done yesterday, we probably had about 10 people over yesterday, so we had plenty to do this morning as well. Darcy ran around the house like a mad woman all morning, while I did the shopping and some school work that I *had* to do, as well as some cleaning too.

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There are never enough hours in the day, and I'm just so lucky to have so many wonderful and amazing people in my life who keep me on track when I bite off more than I can chew. It's so important to have a good support system, and it's the same thing with my weight loss. Those of you who have been with me the whole way, encouraging me and telling me I look pretty and 12 (TJ, you are insane), you are making this journey so much more fun and enjoyable and that much easier.

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Thank you all! I am truly blessed.

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PS - I'm down another lb today for a total of 152 lbs lost. 3 more lbs until I lose Marcel/lo!

I'll take it.

The greasy mess featured above is a 16 oz corn fed rib eye. Heart attack, anyone? ;-) It's pictured above because I finally lost another lb today, for a total of 151. Marcel/lo, here I come!

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Although 1 lb seems insignificant when you have lost 150, I have to remind myself that it's still a lot. I lost that steak! I hope it came off my stomach. LOL

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I went from 140 to 150 lbs lost very quickly, so I wasn't surprised that I didn't have a loss since the beginning of last week, but clothes fit looser, and people noticed I was shrinking, even though the scale didn't move. I knew it would eventually, and it has.