Wednesday, December 31, 2008
bye bye
It's so strange that my weight fluctuates so dramatically. I had a good work out at the gym yesterday. I'm kind of snowed in currently, so I'm not sure what I'll do for a work out today, but maybe I'll do yoga.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wii Dance Dance Revolution
Speaking of the gym, I did not work out yesterday because I was in the car all day, and I just wanted to relax when I finally got home, but I do need to go today. I need to reschedule my session with my personal trainer that I had to postpone due to the storm. I'm really looking forward to that!
As I mentioned, 2009 is going to be the year of the sculpt for me, and I'm going to post some Biggest Loser style photos shortly. WARNING: they are not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach. ;-)
As you can see from some of the pictures I've posted, I can look pretty good in the right clothing, but I obviously have a good deal of weight left to lose, and I need to continue to tone. After losing 160 lbs, my body needs time and exercise to get to a firm place, and whatever my workouts can't accomplish, a surgeon can, but not until I do my best first. :)
Toooooo much salt
That's what I look like right now, only it's my feet and legs and hands and face that are all puffed out. Not for long, my friends! :)
Monday, December 29, 2008
The Last Supper
The prime rib was a 14 oz cut. At least a third of it was fat. (Gross) I ate about 4 oz of it, and probably about a half cup of the mashed potatoes. The waiter teased me about not doing a good job on it, and I told him it was huge! It's still funny for me to think of these things as huge. I could have polished away all 14 oz before, plus an appetizer, salad and all of the potatoes - easy.
I haven't had a fill in about four months. Right now, my level of restriction is what it will be when I have exhausted all of my fills, and I think it's going to be perfect for maintaining. I can definitely eat much more than I could have when I was getting fills regularly, but it's still less than the average sized people I know. It's not so small that it's annoying because I get full so fast I can never enjoy a meal, and it's not large enough so that I can do any amount of huge damage with my portions (as long as I don't try to trick the band, which some people do).
I'm going to schedule a fill, but I may wait until I'm back from Key West. I've gotten used to having this low restriction level, and I know I can stay within my calories as I am currently, so rather than being on vacation with a baby bird appetite, I may wait. We'll see. Either way, I'm going to get a fill in January. It will be nice to have the change, but I'm glad I've had this time to practice what life will be like when I am maintaining.
We are heading out shortly. The front desk folks told me my best bet heading north out of DC on a Monday AM would be 9 AM, so 9 AM it is. In all of our walking yesterday, I didn't see a single gas station. Strange. I will probably wait to find one in MD when we stop for a quick breakfast to go. I can't wait to return to my home cooked meals. We bought a few books on CDs last night, so that should help this last leg of our journey go as quickly as possible. We are 475 miles from home. Mapquest says that's 9 hrs with no stops. I'm going to try to make it in 7, with stops included. Wish me luck!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
These dogs are tired!
We walked from our hotel, north of Dupont Circle, to the White House (which was surprisingly small to Darcy - in fact she asked me if it wasn't indeed the Vice President's house - LOL - she is a funny one!), then onto three of the Smithsonian's, including the Museum of Natural History that was WAY cool. We saw an IMAX show about the ocean, and it was amazing! We walked the National Mall, then onto the WWII Memorial, to the reflection pool...we saw the Jefferson and Lincoln Memorials, the Capital building, and everything from the EPA HQ to the Department of Commerce...
Darcy has never been to DC before, and she was asking me what everything was. She pointed to puddles on the street (practically), and asked me what significance they had. I have only been to DC for bleeding heart causes I love, so I just wasn't quite the tour guide she was hoping for. She asked me what the point of the reflection pool was. I didn't know. I told her it was probably a place for us to reflect upon...something... She asked me why Washington was the District of Columbia...did it have to do with Columbia? Yeah....no clue. I must have skipped US History class that day.
I did some research, and the answer was slightly harder to find than I imagined. Apparently, there are a lot of people confused about this, as I was. It's named after Christopher Columbus, in the feminine. In fact, here is a picture of him/her that was created for a WW1 poster:
So there you have it.
Tonight, when we are up for walking again, we are going to head out to find a lovely dinner, which shouldn't be hard. DC has some great restaurants! I'm in the mood for something vegilicious, so I'm going to look online for menus ahead of time.
The original stairmaster
Friday, December 26, 2008
Five Guys Burgers and Fries
Movin' on up
Yesterday, I used my sister's free weights, and I moved up to 20 lbs, so that was just after one work out at 15, which leads me to believe I'll be back to 25-30 in no time, but it was very interesting to see how quickly muscles forget and then remember.
With the weights I'm lifting in general, I'm movin' on up, like George and Weezy, and I think I'll be back to my previous routine within 2 more weeks.
Oops, I did it again
We had a delicious dinner yesterday. My sister made a fresh herb crusted beef tenderloin on the grill (aptly grilled by hubby Jeff), and she served four delicious dipping sauces with it: wasabi cream, mustard sauce, Bearnaise mayonnaise and Gorgonzola cream. Um, yum. We also had creamed spinach, crash hot potatoes (naughty), Christmas Salad, and of course egg nog pie and holiday praline pie. I portion-controlled my way to a total of 1379 calories for the day, which isn't so bad for a Christmas day filled with goodies.
My sister's family headed off to see Jeff's side of the family, and Darcy, my parents and I decided to go to the movies. This was quite a quest, as everyone else had the same idea. We finally secured tickets for a 7PM showing of Marley and Me (very sweet story), and naturally, I gave into my popcorn adoration. I just loooove popcorn. I don't know why, but I do blame my Mother. ;-) I had a small, but of course, that added another 600 calories to my daily total. Yikes.
I know that under 2,000 calories for Christmas is still not that bad, since that's the recommended daily intake (actually, less) for a female my age, but it wasn't necessary. I wasn't even hungry, I just really like it. :)
Anyway, I had a very special Christmas, and it was really nice to be able to spend the day with my family, since they abandoned me to move south many years ago. (I kid!) Watching the little boys open presents was hilarious, and so much fun.
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday as well.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Donner, party of five?
I got a LOT of new cook books today, and I'm excited to try the recipes. My sister got me the new WW cook book, and I know I'll like that. I have the original one, and I always got great ideas from that. I love cook books with the calorie information as well. My Mom and Dad gave me several cook books, and one of them has all snacks and meals that are 100 calories or fewer. I can't wait to try that out.
My top priority will be getting our floor fixed when we get back from ATL, but after that, we're breaking out the real silverware (no more plastic stuff - haha), and I'm going to try out some new dishes on my guests. Who wants to come first?!
I've been meaning to get back into the groove of having Sunday dinners as well. It's a nice time to get together with friends/family and to make a big meal with lots of leftovers for the week! This is just the time of year. I probably won't attempt this until we get back from FL, but we'll see...
I will keep you posted on the recipes as I try them, and I'll post the good ones (with my edits) once I complete them. Meanwhile, stay tuned for a dinner invitation in the near future! Sorry, TJ, I won't be serving fritos, but you can suffer through whatever I make. You really don't eat much anyway. ;-)
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
I hope you are all enjoying your wonderful, fattening holiday. :) I have only made it through one meal, and I'm already over 800 calories for the day. Yikes.
We got up at 6:30 with the boys and we opened presents until 9:30. Yep, that's right, three hours worth of presents. LOL! I think the boys were actually getting sick of opening presents after two hours. ;-) There were 6 adults (loose use of the word for some of us) and my two nephews. I would guess there were about 120+ presents. I'm not even a kid (sort of), and I had at least 20 presents. Wow! My family is very generous, and I got a lot of great presents, and I also was given a treasure from my sister. She made me a scrap book of the last three years that the boys have visited NH/MA. It is PRECIOUS.
After all the presents were open, we started making breakfast. Correction: my sister finished cooking the breakfast/brunch she had prepared yesterday. I just cut up some fruit...see how quick I am to steal her thunder? ;-)
She made a ridiculously good breakfast casserole, cinnamon rolls (sugary, moist and covered in frosty goodness), and a fruit salad with a brown sugar yogurt dressing. Everything was delicious, but we didn't eat until about 11ish. That's late for me, and I was hungry, so earlier in the morning, I had 2 mincemeat foldovers that my Mom made (a holiday favorite of mine), and a piece of sea salt taffy my sister made (YUM - of course!). For brunch, I had a piece of the egg casserole, a cinnamon roll and some fruit salad. I didn't have huge portions of anything, but as you can see, that is how I reached 800 calories in one meal!
I did manage to work out this morning, so at least I burned SOME of the calories. We are having beef tenderloin for lunch, and, no doubt, some sinful sides to go with it. Not to mention, the egg nog cream pie my dad made, and the holiday praline pie my mom made... My sister is a phenomenal cook, and she goes all out for every meal she makes, let alone if it's a holiday! I'm not going to freak out if/when I go over my usual 1000-1200 calories for the day. I will just make sure to have an extra light day tomorrow and to put in a good work out to make up for it. It's all good.
I hope your holiday is as special (and yummy) as mine. XO
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The daily weigh in
Heart Attack
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Magical Nights of Lights at Lake Lanier Island
Neat-o!
At the end of the 6.5 mile light display, there was a holiday carnival with shops, rides and games. I played the games, naturally. We had a great night.
***
Yesterday afternoon, I went online to track the rest of my shipment from Amazon.com, and I couldn't find any information about the remaining 20+ items that hadn't arrived yet. I called customer service, and they said the orders were cancelled, but they weren't sure why. Naturally, there wasn't time to place the orders again in time for Christmas (even though they said some of the items could still make it - as if I would trust them again!!!), so I had to start shopping for 2/3rds of the presents I needed yesterday afternoon, 3 days before Christmas, with a 90 minute window. Fun! :)
Thankfully, I was able to find a lot of what I needed at the outlets nearby, and I'm in good shape again. I still have 5-6 more presents to pick up this morning, but I know what I'm getting and where to get it, so it should be easy. I'm hoping to wrap all my presents this morning (except for the ones that I ordered on another web site that are due to arrive tomorrow), because I'm going to be quite busy between now and 12/25.
Darcy and I are heading into Atlanta today to see the sites. I want to visit CNN and Coke, and then I'd also like to find some local yocal places, because I always love those. I know it will be hard because I don't have much time, but it will be a fun quest. We are staying overnight at a cool hotel (blog more later once we've stayed there), and tomorrow AM, we are meeting up with my parents and sister's family to go to the aquarium. That will be fun!
When we get back tomorrow night, we are going to try to make the Christmas Eve service at a nearby church, and then we are all spending the night at my sister's house so that we'll be there when the boys wake up on Christmas morning. They are such cute little guys, and I can't wait to see them on Christmas morning. :)
The hotel we are visiting today appears to have quite an equipped fitness center, so I'm planning to work out when we check in, and hopefully I can get my work out in tomorrow AM as well before we check out.
My sister has some equipment at her house, so I could at least get an elliptical work out there on Christmas AM (not sure if I'll have time), or I can use the exercise bike at my parent's house on Christmas night. On Friday, I will probably head back to the Y or Planet Fitness. I'll play it by ear.
For our trip to FL, in a few weeks, I found 2 Planet Fitness locations that are fairly close to the house we are renting, so I'll be sure to build a workout into that location as well.
Be good.
Monday, December 22, 2008
YMCA
Before heading home, we checked out the lights at Centennial Olympic Park. It looked great!
When we got home, my dad brought us some of the saltiest popcorn I have ever had (naturally, I loved it), so later, while we watched a movie, I hopped onto their exercise bike and burned about 160 calories, almost equal to the amount of popcorn I consumed.
This morning, we were meeting up with my sister's family for breakfast, so I wasn't going to have time to make it to my gym. I called the local YMCA to see if I could buy a day pass, and they said they didn't have those, but I could just come for free. OKAY! Thanks!
Darcy and I did legs, and then we went swimming and in the hot tub. Awesome! The place was great, and I can't believe none of my family members go there. Silly people.
I have to run, because it's time for moooore shopping, and tonight we are headed out to Lanier Island Lakes or Lakes Island...something like that...for the largest interactive light display on earth...I think. We are hoping to get there early so that we don't have to wait too long, but it should be pretty neat!
Stay warm. XO
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Not a big fan
Actually, it's not physically possible for it to be right. I know my scale at home is about 2 lbs higher than both of my MD's scales (which must be right), so I'm hoping the gym I go to this AM has a scale there I can use. If not, I know my sister has one, so I'll be heading over to weigh in! :) I feel bloated and gross, so I'm sure I'm up a few lbs, but I never gain weight for more than a day or two. As soon as I do, I just make sure to drink lots of water, avoid an unhealthy amount of sodium, stay on course with my eating, and make sure to work out. I've been on a plateau for quite some time, and eventually, I will start losing again, but I'm certainly not going to allow myself to start going in the wrong direction with my weight! :)
It's about 8AM, and I'm going to see if Darcy wants to get up and come to the gym with me. That will be a big no, but I may bribe her with shopping after, which will most likely turn that big no into an enthusiastic "OKAY!!!" :) Let's see if I'm right...
*****
Well what a good girl she was today! I woke her up and asked her to go to the gym, and she said okay without any bribery! I'm impressed! I guess I don't have to take her shopping after all! Juuust kidding!
My Mom made these oatmeal breakfast squares that are delicious (I've heard), and I believe they are 3 points, so I'm going to have to figure out what that means for my calorie entry on fitday.com. It's probably 175 calories, 2 grams of fat, and 2 grams of fiber, but that's just a guess. It's probably close enough.
My parents are going out to brunch with their friends from church, so I'm not sure what our plan is. I'm really in the mood for a big salad, so I'm going to see if there is a salad bar place around here that they recommend, or a restaurant that has big salads. After all the salt and junk I've consumed these past few days, my body is craving water and fresh fruits and veggies.
****
To all my peeps up north, hang in there with your 2 feet of snow. Summer will be there soon enough.... HAHAHHA - as if! I may just stay in the south through our FL trip. Then I'll miss five weeks of the terrible winter...better than nothing...if only I didn't have that darn cat!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Road Trip!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Oh thank heavens
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Guilty pleasures
I've been a Snoop Dogg fan for 15 years, and seeing him play the role of a father and husband is the only amusing part of the show. On a recent episode, the family decided to get healthy. Shante, Snoop's wife, was saying how she needed to lose weight, and her (probably about) 7 or 8 year old daughter said, "Just get the surgery!"
Oh dear. Snoop and Shante cracked up laughing, and it was funny, but it's scary to think that today's young kids are starting to think like that. I'm not surprised - it makes sense. We are in an instant gratification society, and why wouldn't young kids just see it as though you can eat whatever you want and when you get fat, you can just get a quick surgery and be thin. What's the problem?!
I'm hoping our society makes a shift toward the healthy soon. This economy isn't going to help, though. It's so much cheaper to buy junk food at the grocery store or fast food restaurants than it is to buy healthy food. If we are really in for a long term economic drought, I think the government should supplement the food industry, or provide tax breaks for healthy living/eating. After all, bad food and unhealthy living cause a significant drain on tax payers when it comes to medical care. It's only going to get worse, as people have less and less money to feed and take care of themselves.
It's not a bad idea...
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Yo, where the veggies at?
There have been several times recently when I have ordered a meal that didn't come with a vegetable. In fact, I've noticed the majority of restaurant meals don't come with vegetables. I find this so strange. They are happy to load you up with potatoes or rice pilaf, but where are the green beans?
If a meal doesn't come with a vegetable, I usually order one on the side, most often salad because I love salad so much, or sometimes I will try to get a vegetable instead of the starch they are offering.
Were restaurateurs raised differently than I was? I never heard of a meal without a vegetable...especially if it's dinner. Isn't that a fairly common theme? I feel like in years past, the vegetable was a given, and now it's not anymore.
I wonder if restaurants stopped including them because they threw too many sides of gray broccoli out. Whatever the case, I'm going to start asking restaurants why a vegetable isn't standard with an entree. Hopefully, if enough people ask the same question, we will start seeing more of them on our dinner plates when dining out!
:)
Monday, December 15, 2008
Which way will it go?
I'm going to try to get lots of vitamins in today (and yes, Zicam, Mom!) :), because I can't afford to be sick. I have so much to do this week before we leave for our holiday travels on Friday or Saturday. Also, I have some follow up interviews this week, and I don't want to be sick for those either.
I missed the gym on Saturday because I did upper body on Friday, and my legs were still wobbley from Thursday. Yesterday, I skipped it because I wasn't feeling well. I really want to go today. I left a message to meet up with the personal trainer, so I'm hoping I'll hear from her shortly.
If I'm not feeling better, I may skip it because I don't want to push it (and expose myself to all the gym germs) if I'm fighting off a cold or flu, but I'll wait until later in the day when I know which way this thing is heading.
I hope you all stay healthy for the holidays!
Friday, December 12, 2008
A little taste of sunshine
I cannot wait to get to Florida! We've had a rough run of it these past few months, and we are more than ready to relax in the sun, swim, tan, ride ocean waves, flop by the pool, eat tropical fruits, and enjoy life.
This will be my first trip to Florida when I'm unemployed. If I didn't own two houses that are impossible to unload in this market, I think I'd be pretty tempted to abandon the rat race for sun sets and straw huts.
I would loooove to have some island job and live in the Keys full time. I could do boat tours, or run a B&B or a restaurant or shuck crabs, for all I care. That would be the life! Hey, I'm 32...there's time. :)
I'm looking forward to a very active, yet relaxing trip. There are so many things I can do now that I couldn't have before, and I want to do all of them!
Changing things up a bit
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Notes from the gym...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Enough with the fat girl magazines!
Um...ouch
After my blog yesterday, talking about how I'm going to work out at least 6 or 7 times per week, even if it's just for 10 minutes, I almost didn't work out yesterday! Loser! :)
I have been quite busy, and I was working until about 9PM. I didn't feel that great, and I just wanted to flop in front of the TV when I finally finished. Thankfully, I sucked it up and I did 700 crunches and 150 push ups. I didn't have it in me to go to the gym.
My abs are SORE today! It's a good pain though. I love the feeling of muscle pain when muscles tear from working out, right before they grow and become stronger. I can't wait to do a good weight lifting work out. I definitely feel as though my body is healing.
Yesterdays food intake:
Calories: 1074
Fat: 37
Fiber: 9
Protein: 75
I'm supposed to schedule a fill. I'm months overdue. I suppose I should do that today.
I also rescheduled my root canal. I would have to pay $300 out of pocket, and I'm not in pain, so it's hard to justify. I know that's dumb, and I should just get it over with, but it hasn't bothered me since my initial flare up, so I'm thinking of getting a second opinion before that hassle (and expense).
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The home work out
Monday, December 8, 2008
We must have been much smaller then...
We attended a play, talking about the history of the Shakers, as well as the history of their Christmas traditions, a 1900's magic show, while sipping hot cider, we saw fiddlers play while families danced in one of the buildings, we toured a most impressive gingerbread showcase, saw how the shakers made their own brooms, visited the sugar house and sampled a gingerbread candy, toured their original kitchen and pantry and saw the dining rooms decorated in a traditional Shaker Christmas manner, and we also toured a building with the traditional furniture that they crafted.
I couldn't believe how small the chairs were. The adult chairs looked like chairs that would be made for children today. The picture above doesn't even capture it fully. I know we get bigger and bigger as the years go by, but this is quite a significant change to happen in the past 200 years. I would guess that the average adult today (in the US) would crush one of the Shaker chairs! :)
I read a menu of their average day of food. They would have potatoes and fish for breakfast with butter gravy, the mid day meal (dinner) consists of meats, vegetables, fruits, bread and dessert, and supper was often a meat hash with potatoes, bread and vegetables, washed down with a heaping serving of buttery apple pie.
I can't imagine how many calories they must have consumed every day, but from all the pictures I saw, they were very thin! They worked hard all day, and they burned every calorie they consumed. It's an unfortunate state of our society today when we have to eat next to nothing not to gain weight because we are so sedentary. Our lives revolve around sitting or laying down for often 22 hours/day or more. We sleep for 7-8 hrs/night, we commute for 1.5 - 2 hrs/day, we sit in meetings or at our desks for 8+ hrs each day, and when we get home, we sit in front of the tv or in a recliner to read. It's no wonder we have to go to gyms to get on hamster wheels to try to burn off a few of the measly calories we have consumed.
I wish my life was more inherently active. I used to paint houses one summer, and I loved it. It was great to be active. I would love to have a job that was physical labor, that could also pay my bills. Unfortunately, my bills are quite high, so I haven't found that match quite yet.
The Shakers believed that hard work was good for the soul, and I agree with that sentiment, although I don't know it personally. :) I work very hard at my job, but it's just not the same as hard physical labor that helps provide for sustenance.
*****
I didn't exercise as much as planned these past few days. Friday I worked all day, and then I had homework that I worked on until 11. Yesterday was the only day I got any exercise in, and it was a stretch because it was in the form of house cleaning. I decided to count it though, because I purposely kept an aerobic pace, and I cleaned for three hours.
I'm trying to stay between 1000-1200 calories per day. I did that Friday and Sunday, but Saturday we ate out each meal, and I went quite a bit over. Still, it was less than the average recommended daily intake of 2,000 calories, so it's not like I ate the farm...I just didn't make the best choices.
Friday:
1199 calories
29.8 g fat
13.3 g fiber
108 g protein
Saturday:
1574 calories
78.2 g fat (yikes)
14.7 g fiber
53.1 g protein
Sunday:
999 calories
44.7 g fat
9.8 g fiber
77.5 g protein
My weight is the same.
Friday, December 5, 2008
So put on a happy face!
Matt is currently undergoing a bone marrow transplant. He's been in the hospital for the past 17 days, and he can't leave his room. The drugs are so intense, his whole body is covered in a rash, he's lost his hair, and he's constantly sick. When I saw him yesterday, he was having a good day, and he should get better each day moving forward.
I mention this because his attitude was unbelievable. I'm a glass half full type of person, and I try to see the best in hard situations, but at some point we all break down. Matt has been through hell and back, and he was the same charming, hilarious, upbeat person I've always known. It was amazing, and I know his positive outlook is going to help his recovery tremendously. We could all learn a thing or two from Matty. :)
***
Yesterday, I consumed 855 calories, 15 grams of fat, 14 grams of fiber, and 83 grams of protein. Darcy and I went to the gym, and I did arms. I took it very easy, and my arms still felt like jello when I was done. Pathetic!
I have some afternoon meetings today, but when I am done with them, I'm going to head back to the gym and attempt to do legs. I haven't done legs since I injured my knee, but I'm going to try it, going easy, and see how it goes. My knee is still not right, but I think it's much better than it was.
Tonight, I need to finish a school project I have. I have class all day Saturday and all day Sunday, so it should not prove to be a very fun weekend, but I will make the best of it. It's not like I'm having a bone marrow transplant, now is it!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Yikes.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
First day back
I'm totally bloated today and up a few lbs of water weight from yesterday - I'm not sure why. I was well within my range of calories yesterday, but I'm sure the water weight will be gone by tomorrow.
On the job front, another hospital system reached out to me about an opportunity in their organization, so I will be lining up another interview shortly.
On the house front, we have damage from the floods, and I put a claim into my insurance company six months ago, because the floor is sagging below the refrigerator. The drywall in the corners of the house has started to crack, and now the floor below the refrigerator has actually separated from the wall.
Jimmy took a look under the house yesterday, and he found 3 broken floor joists, 2 of which will have to be replaced completely. I've reached out to my insurance company to see where they are with the flood claim. This is going to be a very expensive project, and I need to know if they are covering it.
I'm just glad I'm not carrying around an extra 160+ lbs with me because I probably would have fallen through the floor by now! :) Yikes.
For someone who is unemployed, I certainly am busy right now. I'm still working for my soon to be former company, and my side work is picking up quite a bit. In addition, my two classes are ending by next week, and I have a big project and presentation to complete for one of them. I haven't started it yet, but I better get going!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Back to the gym!
Monday, December 1, 2008
The interview
I'm so glad I'm not going through this process a year ago, before I had lost the weight. I always had self confidence, but some people truly discriminate against bigger people, and while I'm still overweight, I think I'm now out of the range where I would be discriminated against. It's sad that it happens, but it's true.
Also, as a smaller and healthier person, I just feel that much better about myself, so when I'm going into an interview, I will have that much more confidence and self assuredness. It is important to look good and successful, and I think I can portray those things.
These are the times when I value my weight loss journey the most. Losing weight has opened so many doors for me. It's almost shocking to think about how difference life was before.