A glimpse of me...

I saw a video of myself today, and it was HO-rrendous. In my defense, it was a 99 degree day, and so humid that clothes were sticking to every bump and lump, but there's no excuse for the horror that I saw. I knew I'd gained weight since last year, but I didn't know how bad it made me look. Just about all of the clothes still fit me, albeit tighter, so I didn't think there was as much of a difference, but boy was I wrong.

The problem with losing a ton of weight really fast, is that you gain it back really fast too. If an average person has a bad week for eating, they may gain a lb or two, but if I have a bad week eating, I gain 10-15 lbs...no exaggeration...and I'm not talking about a bad week like I used to have...I just mean a week where I'm not being overly health conscious.

As I mentioned before, I've managed to gain 20-30 lbs (depending on the day) over my lowest point, and it came back EASILY. In fact, as of last Monday, I was 32 lbs over my lowest point. To most, that sounds like a huge amount of weight (and it is), but for me, it's kind of surreal that I could have even gained that kind of weight eating the way I have. Anyway, it is what it is, and I need to face it head on.

Losing weight and focusing on my health has just jumped into FIRST place for all of my competing priorities. As I was watching the movie of myself, I immediately stopped what I was doing and went directly to the gym. I need to find that focus that I had when I first started this journey. I've developed too many bad habits, because I took my eye of the ball.

I stopped remembering to end my meal when I felt full, and started eating past my full point. I stopped waiting to drink liquids for 30 minutes after meal time, which made me feel hungry faster. I stopped using my lap band as a tool, and without even realizing it, found ways to eat around it...not to a huge extent either, but enough that I gained 30 lbs back!

Not having a fill, and not being able to exercise (due to multiple injuries and illnesses) really set me back this past year, but I'm starting fresh today. *Oddly,* today is the 2 year anniversary of my lap band surgery! As of this morning, I was down 6 lbs from last Monday, but I still have 26 to go to get to my low point.

I hesitate to set weight loss goals for myself because I don't want to be discouraged if I do everything right and don't hit them, but I'm going to anyway, because I'm very goal motivated, so here goes: I want to be down 14 lbs in 2 weeks from today. That will be a loss of 20 lbs in 3 weeks, which seems crazy, but when you think about how quickly I put it on, it's really not.

When you fluctuate huge amounts of weight, over and over, your body gets WAY too fast putting it back on, but it can also be used in the other direction as well, and I'm going to do everything I can to be down 14 lbs by 10/17. Then I'll just have 12 more lbs to go to get to my lowpoint, and I know the boost of losing 20 lbs will propel me to my low point again.

I'm going to take steps to be more conscious of my eating habits. I'm going to stop watching TV or working during meals. I want to be focused on the chewing, and the eating, and the point at which I get full. I will continue to count calories on fitday.com, and if 1200 calories/day isn't working for me, I'll consult a nutritionist to put a better plan in place.

As far as exercise goes, I'm going to push the cardio as much as I can. I often re-injure myself with weight training, and I have a lot of muscle mass to begin with. Also, I avoid cardio like the plague, and I need to embrace it, head on. I'm not going to melt the weight off without moving fast and sweating hard.

Today at the gym, I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. I can't really run or jog because of my knee problems, so I walked as fast as I could, constantly checking my heartbeat to make sure I was in the optimum zone, and that's where I stayed. Today, that was at the speed of 3.7 - not very impressive, as you avid treadmillers know, but it kept my heartbeat at 156, and much higher than that put me in the red zone. It was a great work out (for me). It was only 1.69 miles, but I was sweating, big time. It's hard for me to sweat, so I know it was working!

Also, it didn't bother my knees. I know I'm just going to get better. This is a starting point. Instead of the usual rap or opera that I listen to when I work out, I put on techno/dance music, and let me tell you - it made a big difference! I kept up to the pace of the beat, and the time went by pretty fast. I'm going to download a bunch of dance music to my iPod, so that I don't get bored with the selection.

I was really down on myself when I saw the movie, but I'm glad I used the experience for good. I'm really excited to start fresh with a renewed vigor. I also love the way exercise makes me feel, and my 30 minute cardio workout got my blood pumping! I'm going to workout with the Wii later on.

So for now, it's back to the basics, and I think the basics will serve me well!