Can we chat?

First of all, I'd like to THANK my Mom and Dad for sending me a nice check to congratulate me for my 100 lb loss to use for some new clothes. I've always wanted a pair of Diesel jeans...I have no idea if they are even in style... TJ? Little help, please?

Anyway, I went online to find Diesel jeans, and this abomination is what I found:

EW!

And what's worse than these uglier-than-the-80's-and/or-70's-originals-that-make-this-poor-man's-body-look-deformed you ask? THE PRICE!

These jeans are FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!!!

I really want to know who in the world is buying these jeans...especially for that money!

Okay, as you can see by my rant, I'm clearly over the hill now, but do you blame me?

I don't know where to begin, but thank you for joining me as I wake up to an age of fashion I do not understand. I have been trapped in Old Navy hell for about 15 years (a/k/a as long as the store has been open and making sizes bigger and bigger for me every year), and now that I can awake from my polo shirt/graphic t/oxford button down/carpenter jeans coma, I do not know where to go...but I am learning where I do NOT want to go.

Someone needs to sponsor me for "What not to wear," because I think I'm going to need professional help.*

*Author's note: I will seek and exact a painful revenge on anyone who actually sponsors me for that show. I was only kidding when I suggested it. JK! ;-) ...but seriously...don't do it... xo...LOL