4 days away

I must say, as we are now in the days away from surgery, I have to admit that this whole thing feels a bit more real than it ever did before.

When I originally started thinking about this surgery five years ago, I thought it sounded like a great alternative to drastic bypass. It isn't invasive, it's easily reversible, nothing gets cut :), and it truly is just a tool that will help me feel full sooner so that I can make good food choices and eat less.

I always ate well rounded meals. I was never one to eat dessert instead of dinner. I'd rather have seconds on dinner than dessert. When I was on weight watchers, I enjoyed eating healthy meals, and I thought it was fun trying to come up with new and exciting ways to cook healthy foods. My greatest downfall was when I felt extreme hunger, all plans to eat healthy were abandoned, and all I could focus on was finding something, ANYTHING to eat asap to make that feeling go away.

One of my doctor's recently suggested that there is something wrong with me that makes me feel intense hunger pains. Who knows... Apparently a low thyroid can cause that, which I recently learned I have. Also, GERD can cause that as well, which my MD believe I have as well. Perhaps if I had taken care of these things earlier in life, I would have had more success with a weight loss program, but we will never know.

For now, all I do know is that for people with morbid obesity (30lb overweight or more), only 5% are ever able to maintain their weightloss for life, without weight loss surgery. That statistic was one of the strongest arguments I have ever heard for wls.

As I mentioned earlier, I have been considering this surgery for five years. At first, the surgery was new, and I wanted to wait for the MDs in the US to have more experience, and to ensure there were no longer term issues that we were unaware of. Over the last five years, I have continued to try many diets, knowing that eventually I would get the lap band if I was not successful with my attempts.

I am trying to think of the moment that finally made me take the plunge, and begin this journey, and I think it was just a culmination of many things: I am getting older, I am getting bigger, I want to have a successful career, and I want to limit my obstacles, I had high cholesterol for the first time in my life (when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism), and that made me all the more aware of the health issues associated with my weight, and as a result of growing up (I guess), I started seeing my MD more regularly, and thus I began my course.

In the past, I was always terrible about keeping MD appointments. That may be a giant understatement. To get where I am today, four days before surgery, I have seen the surgeon three times, the dietitian four times, the psychologist, three support group meetings, my PCP four times, the respiratory therapist, the anesthesiologist, and the RN, Med Techs and Xray Techs for pre-admission testing.

At no other point in my life would I have gone through all of those appointments. Not only was it a hassle, but it was extremely time consuming. Each five minute appointment with the surgeon requires a two to three hour wait. I am not exaggerating. I am the type of person who will leave an overflowing cart of groceries that I just spent an hour filling at the store, if I have to wait in line more than 2-3 minutes. I am not a patient person, and I needed to get over that for this process.

I think the fact that I am finally growing up has helped me thus far, and it will be helpful as I continue. This process is intended to be difficult. The lap band is a major life change, and it cannot be approached carelessly. The reason I didn't have this surgery years ago, was not only because I wanted to make sure I was ready, it was also because I did not have it in me to fulfill the requirements of the surgery. A bad pre-op patient, is going to be a very unsuccessful post-op patient.

I am not phased by the restrictions that I will have with this band, but that would not have been the case years ago.

So here we are, four days away from surgery. I have grown so used to the idea of getting a lap band, that it almost became like I was announcing that I was buying a new car when I told people I was getting the lap band. The idea had grown stale because it was so many years in the making, but now, as the time approaches, there is no staleness. It is all very fresh and exciting.

The past two nights before I fall asleep, I have started to think about the surgery. I'm not one to think about potentially stressful subjects before falling asleep. I don't believe in it, but I have. Thankfully, it has not prevented my sleep, but I have also been very tired the past two nights!

From here on, I have decided I am not going to worry about anesthesia, which is my only concern about the surgery, I am just going to envision being in the recovery room, and then the hours following. When I picture my surgery, I will picture being admitted, talking to the PACU nurse, saying hello to the surgeon and the anesthesiologist, taking a quick nap, talking to the PACU nurse again after my nap, going to my hospital room, focusing on moving around as soon as possible, and then home the next day.

I am hoping the hospital has WiFi because I'm bringing my laptop. Actually, I know they do. I am hoping there will be WiFi in my room! I am also going to bring my portable DVD player and my iPod, so that I will have all my media around me. I am not worried about spending a night in the hospital, but I do worry about being bored. This plan will prevent that.

Well, that was enough sharing for one day, wouldn't you say??!!

I am off to Hampshire Hills for tennis, basketball, swimming, and who knows what else! I have to get it in while I can!

Enjoy the day, all!