I have been naughty

A Private Message to my Mother: Mom, I'm an open book on this blog. I share the good, the bad, and the ugly with my dear readers, of which you are one. This doesn't mean you need to lovingly scold me after, or make a plea with me to do the right thing. I already knooooow that I should do the right thing, but I am imperfect. (You have heard it here first.) If you feel compelled to call me after reading this, to reinforce what I already know is true, I promise you it's not necessary. I'll be a good girl from now on. I promise. Love you! Dad too. :) XO

I've been bad about taking my thyroid meds lately. (Mom, I can SEE you shaking your head at me from 1800 miles away!!!) I don't know what happened. I lost them for a while, and then somehow I fell out of my routine. Not somehow, my schedule is strange. Some days I work from home, some days I head to the office first thing in the morning, some days I'm half and half, some days I don't even work! It's hard to find a groove that works for me.

I keep thinking of renting out office space that I can have an office to work out of each day. I can't work at the hospital every day because of the chair and my back issues. I'm sure it would be easier to replace the chair than rent out office space. Hmmmm... ;-)

I have an underactive thyroid, so when I don't take my meds, I gain weight, retain water, feel depressed/sluggish/tired, am prone to illness, have interrupted sleep, sore muscles, etc.... Then, I'm weighing more and bloated, so I feel even more in a funk, and I have more and more trouble getting out of my own way.

As you may know of me now, dear reader, I'm a pretty high functioning person, so depressed me is probably someone else being effective. I can't get out of my own way, but I'm working full time, launching a business, writing two books, authoring several articles, blah, blah, you get the idea. However, I'm NOT working out, consistently eating healthy, doing the other things I should do.

My health is always the first I let slip. Then comes my appearance. I need a haircut bad. My mangy hair is making me feel like a slob. That's not helping the bloat/weight gain. I'm bloated, and my clothes aren't fitting the way I want them to, so I don't like the way I'm dressing, which makes me more annoyed with myself.

Anyway, enough! I'm putting my thyroid meds (AND vitamins, Mom!!!) on my daily calendar so that I remember to start off the day with them. I'm going to throw out all the junk food in the house (before Darcy wakes up and yells at me!), so that it's not there to tempt me when I'm feeling like junk. I'm going to schedule an appointment to get my hair cut. I'm going to do yoga, and not just plan to and forget like I did the other day.

I'm going to do laundry (via the Darce), so that I have better clothes to choose from, so that I feel better about my appearance. I'm going to stop working half the day in my PJs when I work from home. I'm going to find a way to institute a schedule for myself that incorporates my day job, extra business work, writing, blogging, exercising, preparing healthy meals, having fun, and relaxing. I think I need a personal assistant. I need to file my taxes, and get back to paying my bills every Saturday. That will help with my mental health. So will all of this.

I'm going to get a fill. Yesterday, I ate four half pieces of bread (2 pieces) before my lunch, a side salad, plus a whole veggie sandwich for lunch. I ate the bread at first because my stomach was doing flips, and I just wanted to settle it. That was the first 2 halves. Then I realized I LOVED the bread, so I had two more. Anyway, such feats should not be possible with the band properly filled.

I've been avoiding getting a fill because I wanted to lose weight before going back to the MD, *and* because it's so far away and such a pain to wait in the office for the appointment. I found a lap band surgeon near my house, and I'm going to beg her to take me on as a patient for fills. Most lap band MDs won't take on other MD's patients, because there is no money in the fills, so it just doesn't make sense. However, I seriously considered buying a syringe and injecting one CC of saline into my band myself, so I need to find another solution. Pronto.

I'm going to take ownership of my life/schedule one day at a time. I'm going to start right now by throwing out the junk food. Then I'm going to take a shower and getting dressed for the day. Then I'm going to do yoga, and put a few hours of work in, including going to a few meetings. In my travels, I plan to get my hair cut, and then I'm going to put together a meal plan and compose a grocery list for the Darce to handle. After that, I'm going to put a few more hours of work done, and then have a healthy dinner.

After dinner, I'm going to start working on my written works and business follow up. Maybe later tonight we'll get out of the house and go to the movies, arcade, or to play pool. We'll see! Tomorrow morning, I'll put another day plan together, and I'm going to do my best to stick to it.

Onward and upward.