New Problem

I hadn't worn my work clothes in like three weeks (not sure how that's possible, but it seems to be the case), and now my smallest pair of work pants are way too big for me. Not sure when/how that happened, but it's time to go buy some new temporary pants. Luckily, the tops are still okay. I think we have about 30 more lbs with them (some of them).

Speaking of 30 lbs, I'd like to lose 30 lbs by the end of April. I'd be down 110 by then. Sweet.

I'd like to be down another 40 by the end of the summer. 150! Holy Cow. That's like losing Marcello!

My plan is to be at goal (not sure what that is exactly yet) by February 09. This is very uncharacteristic of "instant gratification" Kristen, so you should all be very proud of me. That will be a total of 17 months for the loss. If you told Kristen in the past that she had to wait 17 months for ANYTHING, it would be a no go. Ahh, she's growing up...

-Third person KC

Day 2

...of my horrible off site meeting. Somehow I managed to go the entire day without having virtually ANY protein. That is a major bandster no-no. Yesterday there was yogurt with breakfast - not today. Why?????? For breakfast, I had a banana, a slice of pineapple, a strawberry and half of a pumpernickel bagel. I needed something to carry me over during the drones of the speakers.... For lunch, I had a half of a veggie wrap, no cheese or protein to be found. All the other protein filled sandwiches were unhealthy, and I didn't want another one of those like yesterday.

My body is so completely used to having protein, I was dozing off on my way home. That's crazy. I got home at four, and the only protein I could find was some frozen lean ground beef. I cooked it up, and I ate a cup of it! It was like super duper lean, and I'm surprised I was able to get it down sans drink.

I'm just glad to be done with these two hellish days, so that I can get back to being in charge of my meals. I'm off to the gym...trying to hardwire this behavior...

xo

50/50

So far, I'm only hitting the gym every other day. I want to do 5 days/week. I worked out on Sat, took Sunday off because I was sick, worked out on Monday, and I took today off. I am just sick and run down, and my cough and asthma are out of control. I had to use my inhaler walking to my car tonight! That's not right... I'm just glad I had it with me.

I knew that if walking made my chest really tight, any exercise would too. I really want to hardwire this behavior. As TJ commented on my blog yesterday, for him, it's just another daily to do. It's not an option - it's habit. I need to get there, and I want to get there, but it's hard when I keep having these health distractions. Tomorrow, if I'm still feeling lousy, I'm going to go and just lift some light weights. I'll skip the cardio, but at least I'll be working toward the habit of building it into my routine.

Routines are hard for me. I work out of so many different offices, and my hours are far from set, so I do not really have any routines. I would like to work out in the morning before work, but I hate the idea of getting up and working out while it's still dark out. When I was doing Body For Life, they taught that working out in the AM is best for your body because you are burning fat and building muscle on an empty stomach. If you work out late in the day, you are just burning food you already ate, which is still good, but not as good. I wonder if that's true...

Today was an annoying food day. We had an all day seminar for work, and the food was provided. There are never the healthiest options at those things. I had a roast beef on a multi-grain bulky roll with a salad on the side. I never eat bulky bread - they had no wraps! What is this? Prison???!!! ;-) Bulky bread is not a friend of the band. It's really hard to get down, and it makes you feel full almost instantly. I knew I needed to eat my lunch or I'd be starving all afternoon, so I forced it down, but I almost made myself sick. That was dumb.

I would have just taken it apart and had the meat, but I was in a meeting during lunch, so I didn't want to cause a scene.

Tomorrow we have the same thing all over again, and if they serve the same food, I'm just going to take a sandwich and remove the meat and make a chef salad...no meeting during lunch tomorrow.

That's all folks!

KC

The Gym

I probably shouldn't have worked out today. I have been sick with something - probably just a combination of allergies + cold, but when I work out, I feel feverish, and I can't breathe. At least today I brought (and used) my inhaler. I only did 30 mins of cardio, but when I was done, I was so lightheaded. I guess my asthma prevents enough oxygen from reaching my brain when I'm working out... I know that I'm not supposed to work out when I'm sick, but I've been sick since the beginning of December, except when I was on vacation... I can't keep missing the gym.

I should probably find out why I've been sick so much, but I already know the answer. I have bad allergies and seasonal asthma (from cold weather/also exercise induced), and allergies combined with germs equals bad colds, and I've had bronchitis probably 20 times in my life, so now I'm just prone to getting it, and it's a vicious cycle. The only answer here is that I must avoid the cold. I need to move south for health reasons during the winter. Does that count as a reasonable accommodation under the ADA? ;-)

Anyway, the gym was annoying because I didn't feel well, and I didn't have my iPod because I've seen everything on it, and I didn't have my DVD player, because I've seen every DVD I have, so I was biking away miserably, and I decided to visualize every increment of 10 lb losses between now and my goal weight. I must have looked pretty silly smiling away staring off into the distance riding the stationary bike, but it really made the time fly fast! I can't do that every day, but it is a neat trick if you ever get bored. I can remember what I looked like and felt like at all different sizes along the way, so it was very realistic for me.

My last gym thought actually came from my friend Brooke, though it's not a new concept. Brooke has been working out faithfully since I have known her. She has struggled with her weight, but she has kept it off for the past 2 years now, and I'm very proud of her. I know she has like another few lbs she's trying to lose, but I can't even relate to what that feels like - just wanting to lose a few lbs...what's the difference? I'm sure there is one; I'm just not aware of what it is.

Anyway, I was telling her how good she is about working out, and how impressed I am with her, and she said that to her, it's not a matter of being good about it or not. She has to work out...just like she has to go to work, and she has to do errands. It's not something that she feels she has a choice about - it's just a reality of life. I think that's how a lot of physically fit people think, and I need to find a way to hardwire that thinking into my brain. Although I hate cardio, I really don't mind working out as a rule. I know people who dislike it far more than I do, but I am not at the point where I feel it's something I have to do, like breathing.

When I figure out how to get to that point, I will let you know!

KC

Low Phat Cooking

It had been a while since I updated my other blog, as I haven't had a chance to experiment with new receipes over the past few months. I decided to include some low phat staples from my own kitchen, and I hope you enjoy!

www.lowphatcooking.blogspot.com

Sushi-licious

Last night we went to China Sky in Winchester for dinner with Ali, Rhonda and Jenn. I had spicy tuna, an Alaskan roll (raw salmon + avocado), and a shrimp tempura roll. The sushi was phenomenal. I haven't had sushi since the last time I was at China Sky in October, and I had missed it! What a wonderful way to get healthy protein in a delicious/nutritious package. My dinner came with 18 pieces, but I could only eat 7. Actually, I could have eaten more, but I felt filled after 7, so that was just right. I hate to waste, so luckily Alison was there to take the left overs. She is the only person I know who eats sushi leftovers, but according to her text this morning, it was just as good as last night, and the best sushi she's ever had. Right on.

Things are heating up at the Redneck Yacht Club (our house in NH). Yesterday as we were gazing out over the snow covered waterfront, we were surprised to see a Jeep Cherokee screeching in front of our house on the ice doing donuts. Ah yes, we are officially back to reality.

I finally lost the last pesky lb I was up, so now I am down 78 lbs...again. I had a bit of an asthma attack yesterday at the gym, as my cold/allergies are clearly opposed to cardiovascular activity. I am planning to go back today (this time with inhaler in tow), but this cold weather and snow storm may prevent me from going...I don't want to get more sick than I am already getting...

As it was, I had to make an exit after spending just under an hour and a half at Mr. T's bday party last night. I was in bed by 10:30, and I slept until 9 this morning! That is not like me, and I don't want sickness to prevent me from working out again!

Stay warm.

KC

Water weight

I'm down another 2 lbs (of the 8 I was up), so now I'm only one lb away from my lowest weight. I have been back from vacation, and lost 7 lbs in two days. Obviously, it must have all been water weight. That is crazy! Yesterday I ate 1480 calories, which is within my range, but more than I usually eat, and definitely more than I ate during vacation, except for one day. The only difference I can see is that now I am getting my water in.

While on vacation, it was so hard to get water in. With the lap band, I'm not supposed to drink 30 minutes prior to a meal, during a meal, or for 60 minutes after the meal. Every time I was around water at restaurants, I couldn't have any of it. I think that my plan to always rent places with a full kitchen going forward will help with the water too, and I will plan to buy a case of water when I arrive on vacation. Even at home, having a case handy makes it exponentially easier for me to drink my 64-100 oz/day.

It is amazing to see the difference water makes, so drink your water, folks!! I can't tell you the difference drinking more water (in place of so much diet coke) has made to my skin as well. I probably look five years younger from that one change. I look much closer to my age now, and not in my late 30's as I used to.

Drink up!

KC

Workin' it

I was down 5 lbs from yesterday, which puts me still 3 above my lowest, but that's much better than EIGHT! I drank a ton of water yesterday, which was much needed, and I ate 903 calories and 23 grams of fiber. That's a lot of fiber for so few calories. LOL

I would love to get rid of the remaining 3 today, but I realize that's trickier than the first five, so we shall see.

XO

Back to reality

It's great to be back in New England!

As if...

We were fortunate to fly back on a sunny day. It was 38 degrees out, and considerably warmer than it had been while we were away, so it wasn't a total shock to the system when we arrived in Boston yesterday.

The second I got back to MA, my sneezing and coughing and runny nose returned. It must be allergies, because it was instantaneous, so I am clearly allergic to cold winters, and I must find a solution.

I feel as bloated as ever, and I am up 2 lbs from before I left. The pre-vacation bloat never went away, so I am now technically up EIGHT lbs from my lowest weight a few days before I left. In the past, this kind of thing would have flung me right off the wagon, but not this time. There is no wagon; this is life. I'm not on a diet, although I am trying to lose weight.

This weight will be off me soon, and more and more will follow. I had a wonderful vacation, and with the exception of two meals that I chose to have, I ate perfectly healthy while I was away. I can't control how restaurants prepare their veggies or other foods, and I'm sure I had more oils and fats in even my healthy choices than I would have if I were cooking them myself. There is only so much you can do about these things, but I will say that eating out every meal is not the best strategy for even the most health conscious eaters. I usually rent places with kitchens to save money on eating out, and I didn't this time for a number of non-food related reasons. Next time I go away, however, finding a place with a full kitchen will be a top priority for me.

You live and learn, and I had a wonderful time while I was away, and I don't regret one minute of it, even though I now have more weight to lose than I did before I left. The memories of paradise will help me coast through this awful winter until the summer comes again and I'm in my own paradise! :)

XO

KC

Wins and losses

The Pats won! That's the good news.

The not so good news is that my sneaking suspicions were correct about the crazy scale here. For some reason, today I think it was correct. It has me at just about (or a little higher) than what I weighed at the beginning of my vacation (water weight included). Even though I have been making healthy choices wherever I can, I still am not eating quite as healthy as I would be if I were cooking, so it makes sense if I'm a little up. Also, I haven't been getting as much water in (by any means), so I'm bloated on top of it.

Back to the good news: seeing those numbers on the scale (even though I doubted them) gave me a glance into the near future for me, and I am very motivated to hit those numbers when I return! Watch out, gym, here I come!

KC

I really think the scale is broken

I just called Darcy to come down from the room to weigh herself again. If her weight is right for the second time, then I guess I will have to trust it, but it's just hard to believe. *If* this scale is accurate, I am down about 86 lbs. (Actually, it's closer to 90 since I'm fully clothed, layers and all, and have already eaten breakfast and drank 3 waters.)

Can that be? I guess it's possible, but if that's the case, it would have meant that while on vacation, I not only lost the 6 lbs of water weight that I had before leaving, but an additional 8 - 12 lbs in 4 days? That doesn't make sense, because I've been losing 2-3 lbs/week for a long time. Why would I have a spike like that?

As you can see, I'm skeptical, but if I find out this scale is right (and I'm so crazy I may go find another scale in town to use), I will have to attribute it to my activity level. I haven't been to the gym in forever because I was sick for so long, so I may have been losing slower because of my sedentary winter lifestyle. I have been very active since I've been down here, and if I really lost that much more weight as a result, you won't be able to keep me out of the gym when I get home!

Darcy just weighed herself and she was up 5 lbs from yesterday, so she thinks the scale is wrong, but in the opposite direction that I was concerned with. LOL Yesterday, she weighed herself before breakfast though, and she had on much lighter clothing, so it appears as though it could be correct.

Craziness. It's a cold day in Key West, so we are heading to the movies. That will be fun - I haven't done that in a while. Then we plan to go watch the game somewhere.

Go Pats!!!

XO

KC

Things that make you go hmmmm....

I found a scale in the fitness center where we are staying in Key West. I have no idea if it's accurate or not, but I had Darcy weigh herself for verification, and she thinks it is. It is a doctor's scale, so it should be, but I was just surprised by the results. If it's correct, and that is still an if, I'm down about 82 - 83 lbs. I was up 6 from water weight right before I left, but that means that the 6 came off, as well as an additional 4-5. Let's hope it's right!

XO

Off to pick up our scooter and head to the beach!

KC

Blogging my way to success

I'm submitting an article to Newsweek about this blog, and how it has been central to my success. I have three friends who have also started blogs to document their journeys through weigh loss or quitting smoking, and I think it's a fabulous accountability vehicle. TJ emailed me that he couldn't believe I blogged on vacation, but I can't help it. It keeps me grounded, and I appreciate all of you for your constant support and affirmation.

Yesterday I ate 1066 calories. I'm so happy to be tracking this while on vacation. I don't feel like I'm missing out, and I just make healthy choices. It's weird. ;-)

XO to all of you.

KC

Updates from the beach

Boy, is it WONDERFUL to be on vacation! We are having an absolute blast! I have been watching what I eat, and yesterday I ate 1164 calories. I am still tracking everything I eat on fitday.com because we can't have the girl losing her figure in one fun week! ;-)

Yesterday the ocean was ferocious, and I was swimming against the wind for exercise. What a fun way to work out.

We need to move here.

XO

Holy Bloat

I didn't weigh myself the past two days, and I did this morning, and I was up six lbs! How annoying. I am averaging between 900 - 1000 calories per day, which is below the range of 1200 - 1400 that has been recommended, so I shouldn't be gaining weight.

Menu yesterday

Breakfast (I splurge on this meal once/week): two eggs, one piece of rye toast, one sausage link, a few small bites of hashbrowns
Total Calories (including butter on bread): 457

Lunch: 1/2 a turkey wrap on low carb wheat wrap with mustard, about 6 french fries
Total Calories: 209

Dinner: about 30 baby carrots and fage (yogurt) mixed with ranch dip (it's actually really good, and much more nutritious than sour cream)
Total Calories: 263

Total Calories for day: 929

I read that fiber can make you bloated and cause you to retain water. I probably drank at least 100 oz of water yesterday, so that should be plenty. I ate my dinner late (at 8) because I wasn't hungry, but I figured it would be okay since it was carrots and yogurt.

I can't figure it out, but I'm hoping it is a fluke and it will be gone by tomorrow, like the last time this happened to me.

Stay tuned.

KC

PS - I know part of the problem is that it's not healthy to weight yourself every day, and once a week should be plenty, but I feel like it helps me stay accountable. I can't bury my head in the sand for days at a time.

Vacation!

We leave for Florida in less than three days! I can't wait to exit this winter blunderland. We are anticipating 12 inches tomorrow. Awesome.

I haven't really thought much about food for the trip. Right now, I eat what I want, but I generally want healthy foods. When I decide I want to have something unhealthy like french fries at a restaurant, I only have a few and that's plenty. I used to associate quantity with food. I wanted food that tasted good, and I wanted a LOT of it. In Weight Watchers, they told us we could eat anything we wanted, but we had to watch our portion size, and keep the program guidelines in mind to ensure a balanced diet.

I was never able to keep a generally healthy diet, with a few exceptions - you know, the way the thin people have always eaten??! That's the one. I was all or nothing, which is a theme in many areas of my life. I would be fanatical about sticking to my diet, but if I had a moment of weakness and ate something bad, I would fall off the wagon and throw in the towel. I couldn't mentally bridge that gap, and realize that my diet doesn't have to be perfect, just generally healthy.

I think the only reason I have been able to change my thinking in this area is because my appetite is small enough to control portion size now. Even if I have something bad, it's never really enough to do any damage, and because I'm not starving all the time anymore, it's so much easier for me to make the right choices.

The hunger I experienced, prior to having this surgery, was ferocious. It made me feel desperate, and I could not bring myself to care about dieting or eating healthy when I felt that way. I always thought this was psychological, and it may have been, but my MD says there may have been a medical reason for that as well. Good to know...now. ;)

If I were on a diet right now, and my weight loss journey is very similar to dieting, I would be panicked about my upcoming vacation. I would think that my trip would be ruined if I had to eat healthy the whole time, and if I gave myself permission to eat freely on the vacation, I would not return to my diet when my trip ended.

I'm so glad to be free of that thinking. I could care less about what I'm going to eat on vacation now. I'm sure I'll have some high calorie meals, but in general, I know I'll make healthy choices because I truly want to. Food does not have the power over me that it used to, and that is a pretty dramatic change in my life.

Signing off...

KC

New Tricks

My friend Kitty started a blog recently to capture her weight loss journey, and I enjoy reading it very much. Feeding off the inspiration of others is very powerful.

Kitty's blog: http://www.ificandoit-socanyou.blogspot.com/

In her entry yesterday, she started talking about some new things she can do as a result of her weight loss, and I thought I would pause to reflect on changes I have seen after losing nearly 80 lbs. It comes off only 1 lb at a time, but the differences really add up!

My New Tricks:

(Please excuse me as some of these may have been mentioned in my previous blogs)

• Tying my shoes is actually quite easy
• So is putting on socks
• I now sit five inches away from my steering wheel, rather than on top of it
• I can stand against a wall without my back shelf separating the rest of me from it (I know you are jealous!)
• I can stand indefinitely
• I don't have to plan my meeting schedule around the least possible routes to walk anymore
• I can walk for miles
• The recommended portions on products I buy are truly enough food for me (and sometimes too much!)
• I do not have an unhealthy interest in what each next meal will be
• I can sit in chairs that have sides without feeling as though I'm going to pop out of them
• My face and neck are no longer one
• I am now only two pant sizes larger than my Father (I'm sure that makes him real proud - haha!)

That's all I can think of for now, although I am sure there are more.

KC

I'm not wild about Fiber

I know, seriously, how many more days do you need to read about my fiber intake. I get it. It's super boring! Getting 20 grams of fiber in each day is not getting any easier. I've been between 17-20 all week, which is a tremendous improvement. Sometimes it makes me feel bloated. They say to drink more water to compensate, but I already drink a ton. What do THEY know. ;-)

I'm down another lb. I swear I'm losing weight slower than usual. That may be in my head. It's too bad that I didn't write a blog during the past 79 diets I was on. I probably could have learned something! ;-)

I'm not complaining that it's coming off kind of slow - that's what I signed up for and that's what's healthy. 78 lbs in just over 4 months is a great start.

Go me.

KC

Phun with Phiber

It certainly wasn't easy getting to 20 grams of fiber yesterday! I had to really do a lot of planning to get there. I have planned out my food for the day, but not through dinner quite yet. I'm going to have to get 9 grams of fiber into our dinner because I'm only up to 11 through my afternoon snack of grapes. I wish you all would try inputting the foods you eat into fitday.com for just a week because it is *so* eye opening!

I will keep you posted!

KC

Oh dear

Upon my suspicion that I needed more fiber in my diet, I just ran my diet for the last month (on fit.day.com) and learned that I averaged 7 grams of fiber per day. That's not good. According to the ADA, you should consume one gram of fiber per 100 calories per day. I was averaging 1200 calories per day for the past month, so my average fiber should have been 12. I was under by nearly half. Additionally, the ADA recommends that if you are on a reduced calorie diet, as I am, you should try to still have a minimum of 20 grams of fiber per day. Okay - new goal - 50-60 grams of protein AND 20 grams of fiber per day.

I will let you know how this pans out. ;-)

Bouncing back

Yesterday I had much more of an appetite, and I was up to 800 calories. I had lots of very small meals, and that helped me to reach the 800. I know that I should be up to 1200-1400 calories per day soon, but I don't want to rush it and stretch out my band. Today I'm down a total of 77 lbs. I'm just about ready to return to the gym, although I don't want to push it with vacation coming up. I think I'll work out from home with my exercise ball, yoga tapes and ab roller.

Today I can finally eat foods again! Mushies weren't so bad... I'm really looking forward to having that pork chop and green been dinner I have been fantasizing about since last Wednesday. I wonder if I'm taking in too much protein. With this surgery, protein is so highly stressed, I have been really good about eating protein first, then veggies, then carbs. I just ran a report on my diet for the last month, and I averaged 75 grams of protein each day. We are supposed to be between 50-60.

I was going to focus on reducing my sodium intake, because that's always been a challenge for me, but I ran the report of my sodium intake for the last month, and I was only at about 70% of the daily recommended dose, so now my focus is going to be fiber. I'm not very excited about this, but I think it's a good idea.

Have a wonderful week!

KC

Mushy Madness

Yesterday I started mushies. I started one meal earlier than I was supposed to, but I'm not concerned. After my first fill, I didn't even stay on liquids as long as I did this fill, so I'm getting better. I only ate 287 calories yesterday, though. Oops. Apparently the fill worked. I had one egg and a half of a soft piece of toast around noon, and then a half of a lean cuisine for dinner. I know lean cuisine isn't technically considered a mushy, but the chicken carbonara is very very soft, so I think it's fine. I'm not going to eat only eggs and potatoes for two days. I'm going to be more conscious about getting in more calories today. I don't want to go into starvation mode!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I lost another lb, so now the total is 76. 76 is close to 80 which *really* sounds like a lot! :) Once I hit 80, I think I'm going to envision every lb bringing me closer to 100. What a milestone. 100 lbs = teeth whitening. I can't wait.

Be well.

KC

Happy 4 month anniversary to me

I started this journey on September 4th, which was the beginning of my liquid diet. As of today, I'm down 75 lbs. 75 lbs in four months is a great start! I am now at the same point I was at 4 months ago - on my liquid diet. I was reading some of my older posts last night, and I came across one during my original liquid diet when I said that I thought I may be over food. As it turns out, that is not correct. ;-)

I was driving home from work last night fantasizing about food, and what I would have for dinner if I wasn't on a liquid diet. The difference is, I was fantasizing about a pork chop and green beans, and before, I would have been fantasizing about a PuPu Platter or Pizza Hut or anything that was ridiculously fattening and greasy. My desire for those foods is nearly gone now. I go out for Chinese food from time to time, but I always get some chicken dish with vegetables or sushi if they have Japanese cuisine as well. I will admit there have been a few times that I still wanted Pizza Hut, but if I want it that bad, I would have it -- it would probably make me sick because I'm not used to greasy foods at all anymore.

I used to actually like food that was prepared with a lot of grease, and now if I get something from a restaurant that's greasy, I find it to be disgusting. I know that's how most people feel, but I never understood that. I don't know why having a lap band would make me change my perception of foods, but perhaps it's because I'm just used to healthy eating now and it's become the norm for me. That is a good thing, Martha.

I'm not going to buy myself my 75 lb prize, which was a night in Boston - dinner, theater, top notch hotel, etc... I'm going on a lavish vacation in two weeks, and I just don't want to waste all that money right now. As I type this, however, I realize that I can still buy myself a 75lb prize, it just doesn't have to cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I am going to buy myself a new outfit or shoes or something. There.

Dear reader, today also marks the 4 month anniversary of my blog, so happy anniversary to you too!

Eat well.

KC

PS. 3 days of liquids equals 9 shakes. I'm 5 down, with 4 to go. Go team.

I always heard liquid lunches are supposed to be fun? ;-)

Let me tell you, my lunch of Carnation Instant Breakfast was a hoot! Especially following my breakfast of same, and dinner last night of same. Three days of liquids. Broth, water, instant breakfast...that's really about it. I have one day down, two to go. I can't believe I have to do this every time I have a fill, and then follow it up by two days of mushies! That's okay. I'm not really bothered. I'm down 74 lbs because of this little gem, so I'll do what it takes, and I'll like it! :)

Last night, I couldn't stop thinking about food, and I know it was only because I wasn't allowed to eat anything. It's silliness. I'm just hoping I can lose this last lb to get to 75 at long last! I would love to drop another five before my trip in two weeks as well, but we shall see!

Shake shake shake
Shake shake shake
Shake your breakfast, shake your lunch
Shake shake shake
Shake shake shake
Shake your dinner, shake your sna-ack

K Shakin' C

The impatient patient

I finally had my second fill tonight. My surgeon is soo fantastic that he just has too many patients to manage. There is always such a long wait to get into see him. For those of you who know me, I am not one to wait. I am the person who abandons a full grocery cart if I'm waiting in line too long. I do not wait...for anything...it gets to the cut off my nose to spite my face point, in fact...but we all have our opportunities for improvement. ;-)

Half of the reason it took me five years to get the lap band was because getting an appointment to see a surgeon took so long to schedule, and there were so many appointments involved before you could actually get it done. It was just too much for me to sign up for at the time. I choose my PCP based upon how quickly they can see me from when I first call the office. It's not about reputation or experience, it's about convenience. I realize that as a professional working within healthcare, my outlook on these matters is a bit off, but this is me, and this is where I am.

It is not uncommon to wait two hours to get in to see my lap band MD. I have waited over three hours to see him on more than one occasion. When I finally committed to this journey, I knew I would need to set aside my impatience and just accept that if I want this, I will not only need to sacrifice my gluttony and my insistence upon instant gratification, I will also need to be patient. I was so good about this for all of my pre-op appointments, and for the first two post-op appointments as well, but I am nearing the end of my tolerance for waiting at this point.

For some reason, there was no traffic as I left Boston this afternoon to get to my 5PM appointment, and I was 30 minutes early. I did not see my MD until after 6:30, and I was with him for about 2 minutes. There were at least four times during my wait that I considered leaving...this is how it starts with me. First, I fantasize about leaving, and then, I always follow through...this time I was able to overcome my flights of fancy, but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out.

I don't have to go to him to get my fill - I can go to any MD office that offers lap band surgery - I could even go to an MD that's 2 minutes away from my house, rather than nearly an hour away. I feel guilty for having these thoughts. I love my surgeon, and I would recommend him a thousand times over. I have now met hundreds of his patients, and they all sing his praises as much as I do. There is a reason people wait hours on end to see him. I know he will look out for my best interests better than any other MD, and for now, that trumps the terrible waiting time.

I read almost an entire book in the waiting room today - normally I bring a lap top as they have free wifi. These things are fine solutions, and I need to keep reminding myself that it is worth the wait.

Yours, fatigued...KC