Jump starting me

Once again, I have let everything in life creep on top of my weight loss goals. I know the reason I had so much success at first was because I made losing weight/getting healthy my absolute top priority. It's hard for me to do that now, since I don't have the obstacles in my way that I used to, and I have had so many other important things take priority over weight loss...

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While I'm starting a new full time job, going back to school, working on getting my CD released as well as my documentary, and of course, my consulting work, and everything else I have going on, it's probably impossible for me to make weight loss my absolute top priority. I need to be realistic.

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I need to make sure that weight loss, exercise and healthy living are part of my daily life, even if they can't be the extreme top priority I once made them. I knew that with my competing goals and ambitions, it wasn't a likely long term scenario for my weight loss to be number one, and what I haven't done a great job of is making the transition from main focus to one of my top priorities, among others.

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My all or nothing mentality can be one of my strongest points and one of my worst as well. When I go for something, I go for it, and when it's time for me to find a happy medium, I flail.

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So here I am, flailing. :) I've put off getting a fill for WAY too long. At first there were a million other reasons, but then I didn't want to go until I'd lost some weight from my last fill (which was about a year ago), because I like to get gold stars from my MD...more recently, I didn't want to go until I was down to the weight I was at my last fill.

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Obviously, I need to just do it. I have gained some weight, and I will continue to do so if I don't stay on the track I should be on. I have this great tool, and I need to use it. It's okay if for one visit with my MD, I'm not the golden child. It's worth it to be able to have access to this tool again, so that I can start losing weight again.

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I'm going on the "liquid" diet for the next few days, really just to cleanse my system, shrink my appetite and get back to the basics. I'm going to limit my food intake to sugar free Carnation instant breakfast, low sodium soups, salads and fruits. I was just about to call to make an appointment for a fill, and it occurred to me that I don't have insurance currently. I ended up skipping out on COBRA when my insurance ran out at the end of June, since I knew I'd be on new insurance in September/ish.

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Well, my new plan is to find out what date my new insurance kicks in and make an appointment for that week. Hopefully I will be back to my last weight by that time, and if I'm not, so what. Long term success is more important to me than my perfect lap band weigh in record at the doctor's office. :)