Busy!

Yes, that is me.

My last post was Friday, and it's now Monday evening, 9PM. I have been BUSY.

I've taken on a bit of a side project, and I love it, but it's 10 hrs/week on top of my already very busy full time job, full time schooling, and lake association work (which is more time consuming than you could imagine)... Oh yeah, and I'm still trying to make sure to exercise, plan healthy meals, keep up with my blog, look out for my dear grandmother, and enjoy my wonderful waterfront living. I'm type A, and I can handle a lot, but yes, gentle reader, this is a LOT.

I haven't exercised as much as I would have liked to since Friday's renewed resolve. I made it to the gym on Friday, I skipped Saturday, made it Sunday, and missed today again. I'm in the process of completing, what has turned out to be, a very labor intensive grant application for the state of NH to apply for funds to resolve our milfoil problem. Milfoil is a terrible weed that is taking over our water, reducing our home values and limiting the use of our lake.

Today I attended an all day seminar for the leadership team of our hospital system. Although I had to be in Framingham (1.5 hrs from my house) at 7:30 AM, I was pleased to be home around 5 tonight. I needed to take a boat cruise to count all of the physical properties located on the lake, as well as all of the swim platforms located on the lake (for the grant proposal), and I needed my dear neighbor Jimmy to escort me, as driving and counting was beyond my capabilities.

I wanted to go to the gym first, but Jimmy had plans, so we needed to leave as soon as I arrived home tonight. We counted the houses and swim platforms, and I was home by 6:30. From 6:30 to 9:00, I worked, to make up for the lost time from my seminar today. I missed out on the gym, and I feel guilty. I don't want my health to not be a top priority, but this is an extremely busy time for me, and finding a balance can be challenging.

I could work out now, but I'm tired, and I'm going to relax for the next hour before I go to bed early. Tomorrow, I will definitely make the gym.

On a positive note, I saw several colleagues today that I hadn't seen for months. I received so many compliments on my weight loss, and it was wonderful. It never gets old. I'm not someone who loses weight and feels uncomfortable that people are somehow thrilled with my weight loss - I embrace it and love it every single time!

I'm not down any weight on the scale, but my body is shrinking. When I hold up my old pants next to the ones I wear now, they are half the size. I am now 2 sizes smaller than my Dad, and 10 sizes smaller then when I started. So there. ;-) I keep thinking there must be a mistake, but that doesn't appear to be the case. I am shrinking, and I love it.

Progress, not perfection...

Lahooosaher

Yeah, baby. Yesterday I was down three, and today I'm down one more for a total of 150 lbs lost!! As I've said, my original goal was to lose 150 lbs my first year (10/3 is my bandiversary), and to it it ahead of schedule is a great surprise!

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From what I've read, it's rare for a woman to lose this much in one year with the lap band, so I'm really thankful I've had such a great experience.

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I was driving to the hospital last week with Alison, and I told her I wanted to get another lap band because I love mine so much. I know that some people have issues with having weight loss surgery, and those are their issues. For me, it's been a life changing experience, and I feel like I've gotten my life back. I have absolutely no regrets.

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I can't believe I got as big as I did, and I'm not sure what happened. I'm now the lowest weight I've been since I was about 19. This is as low as I got when I lost a ton of weight with weight watchers when I was 24, but I look smaller now because I have more muscle tone. I have about 40-45 lbs to lose until I get to my lowest weight in my adult life, when I was working at Gold's Gym doing some personal training.

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I know that to some, losing 40-45 lbs seems like a lot, but since I've lost 150, 40-45 seems small! I love my new active live, as well as the smaller healthier me. I *really* feel like I'm in the home stretch now, and I am enjoying every step of the way.

150 lbs, gone forever!

Fireworks

As it turns out, it's not so easy to take pictures of fireworks. My camera has an annoying delay, and I kept missing every shot. This was the best picture I got, but the fireworks were amazing. I can't believe what a great job our neighbors do! They went on for an hour and a half! The DJ was great, and I performed for the masses as well. Good luck keeping any sort of microphone out of my hands!

The good news is - I've been eating perfectly thought it all, except for the not so good news - that I'm not eating enough. I've had company constantly for the past few days, and we've been so busy with the festivities that I haven't made time to eat as much as I should. Today things are calmer, and I have plenty of chicken and asparagus for left overs, so I plan to make use of that.

I was down another lb yesterday and then another one today, so now I've lost 140 lbs. Wow. I feel fantastic, and I'm loving my new life. I think it's hard for D sometimes because I get so much more attention from everyone now (and I got a lot to begin with), but I need to make sure to not let it go to my head, which I think I'm pretty good about.

Here is an updated picture of Marcel/lo, who I will be losing in 15 lbs:

Handsome devil. ;-)

The weekend is here!

It seems like it's been a crazy week. I can't pinpoint why, but it probably has to do with the fact that work has been very busy this week, and it's the last week of my intensive nutrition course, and I have a research paper due Sunday and the final exam on Monday...that could have something to do with it...

I'm ready for the weekend, even though I'm going to be very busy with my chores and school work. I'm almost hoping that Sunday is a little overcast so that I won't feel so bad about sitting in the house doing homework. I don't want to ruin everyone else's weekends, though, so I'll stop almost hoping for that. ;-)

Yesterday I sold my old boat, and I went to check it out to make sure it was okay. I realized it had filled with rain water, so I used a bucket to get a bunch of it out, but that was taking forever, so I lifted it and propped it up to drain out the back. It was very heavy, and I ended up hurting my back - not too bad, but enough that I didn't feel terrible about skipping my work out last night when Jimmy stopped by and suggested a boat ride. When I hurt my back or neck, I take it easy, so that I'm only missing one day rather than getting a bad injury and missing weeks.

My fill seems to be working, although it may be too soon to know for sure. This morning I had some watermelon, and it was making me full. It's practically just water, so that's crazy. I found these cute little mini pitas at the grocery store. They are 3-4 inches in diameter, made by Joseph's, naturally. They are made of flax, oat bran and whole wheat flour. They are only 45 calories, 1 g fat, 4 g fiber and 5 g protein. They are the perfect size for me right now.

I had one with some hummus and tabouli, and it took me about 30 minutes to be able to finish it because I kept feeling full. It's nice to feel the band working again, let me tell you! :)

Jimmy told me to get rid of my band. He said I've lost enough weight, I eat healthy and exercise now, and I can lose the rest on my own, and not have some foreign device in my body. I'd wonder if he would say the same if I had a pacemaker and my heart was suddenly seeming to be fine.

LOL

I know I have worked hard for every lb I've dropped, but the band has enabled me to get there. Why would I want to take it out when it's working so well? The difference between me and the dieters who experience a 95-98% failure rate, is the fact that I have a surgical solution to my medical problem. Surgery isn't for everyone, and I would never say that it is. There are still people who lose weight through diet and exercise and they keep it off, and that's fantastic! I tried that, many times, and I experienced a 100% failure rate. It worked for a while, and I always gained it back and then some.

People have lots of different reasons for being overweight. For me, it was my immense hunger. It made me panicked. It made me make terrible decisions. The lap band dims my hunger, and enables me to make the right decisions. If I were an emotional eater, I don't think this would have been as great of a fit for me. It would still help, but for me, it's really just about all I needed. I don't think I had food issues that made me eat so much I nearly became immobile. I think I'm a glutton, always have been, and I overdo everything - food was no exception, especially with my ridiculous appetite.

Now I'm at the other extreme with healthy living, but I've found a balance. I know that I can't be absurdly strict with myself, or it won't work long term, so I eat bad foods sometimes, and I skip exercising to go on a boat sometimes. I'm working for progress, not perfection, and I am making progress because I am not holding myself accountable for perfection. Failure is a pretty bad motivator. That's why there is no failure in my plan. There's progress, learning experiences and common sense.

Reflections

I was talking about weight loss with someone I know, who at one point in time had lost 100 lbs, and she's kept it off for about a decade so far. She was sharing some of the profound changes she experienced during her weight loss journey, and it prompted me to think of changes/challenges that I've been experiencing so far, even though I'm still overweight.

She shared with me that people treated her differently, in the workplace and in social settings. She is brilliant and well accomplished, yet while she was overweight, people did not listen to her in meetings, and she was often looked over for promotions that she well deserved. As soon as she lost weight, that all changed. Suddenly, her voice was heard, she was respected and promoted over and over.

In her home life, women she knew who ignored her for years were suddenly inviting her to social events that she was never invited to in the past. She was the same person, only smaller and healthier. It was really troubling for her that the world was so clearly discriminating against her when she was overweight.

I've had a different journey, yet I've noticed my own changes. As I've mentioned before, some people I work with seem to be warmer to me now. I don't know if it's because I have let some walls down or if they can identify with me more now because I'm smaller than I was, but it's definitely different.

I think I'm more outgoing than I was before, and I didn't even realize that was possible. I've always been confident, but now, I have even more confidence. When I had a speaking engagement recently, I was not the slightest bit nervous, even though I wasn't sure of exactly what I was speaking about until I got there.

I don't think my weight held me back in my career, probably because of my confidence and the way I presented myself, but as I climb the career ladder, being healthy and looking good will only help me.

Darcy is having a hard time with all of this. She loved me just the way I was before I started losing weight, and I keep changing. She doesn't recognize me, and she misses the Kristen she knew for years before. Once she gets used to a version of a new me, I lose more weight and change again, and once again, she doesn't recognize the person in front of her.

The other day, she reached over to rub my arm, and she started crying because she said it felt like a completely different person, and it's a huge adjustment for her. Not only is my body changing, but my habits are changing too. The person who would talk her into lazy weekend days where we'd do nothing but watch 10 movies and order in 3 fattening meals to just veg out all day is gone. Now she's stuck with someone who is constantly dragging her outside to go hiking or biking or kayaking, etc...

It's not that she doesn't like doing those things, she does! I think part of her, however, feels like she has to do those things, or else I will find someone else to do those things with, and then it's even less time I spend with her. She's doing an awesome job of being active with me, and we're having a blast.

I know she'll get used to the new me, when I finally get there, but for now, it's hard for her, and she misses me.

I'm a loser, baby

At last! The scale moved. I hadn't lost anything all week, and then today I was down 3 lbs. I know I've been bloated...I seem to get bloated very easily, and this week, by the nature of the foods I made, I ended up having more potatoes than normal (normal = none, they aren't great for you!), and they ALWAYS make me bloated.

First there was Darcy's bday dinner, where I made very low fat mashed potatoes, and then there was the low fat potato salad I made for our BBQ on Thursday. In both instances, I only ate it because I hate to waste food. I KNOW I must get over that, but I'm clearly a work in progress.

Now my total is 111 lbs - 4 lbs away from losing my neighbor Krissy! What a bash that will be!