Saying goodbye

Yesterday my grandmother was laid to rest. It was a nice ceremony, and my Mother read all of the letters we wrote to my grandmother. They were all so thoughtful and moving, and my Mom did a great job! I wouldn't have been able to read them without choking on the words.

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I was doing okay, not getting too emotional at the funeral until I saw my dear friend Stephanie coming in. I didn't expect any of my friends to come because it was a small service, and there wasn't a wake, which is when my friends would have come, and I was just so surprised and moved to see her there, I lost it. I just know it's a lot for her to come to a service like that where she wouldn't know anyone, and I know she hasn't seen my family in years, so that's another thing...it was just really sweet, and I was touched.

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It was nice catching up with relatives I hadn't seen in a while as well.

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I'm going to miss her my Grammy so much, but I will try to honor her memory by eating more vegetables! She would like that. :)

Social Gatherings

For some reason, no one seems to think of bringing healthy options to pot lucks or other social gatherings. I'm not sure why that is. Is that because it's a time for healthy people to indulge? I'm still learning the rules of how the skinny people eat and reason these choices. I indulge if I feel like it, and I've made it a point not to associate it with events, or vacations or other things because for fat people, as soon as there is a justification to indulge, there appears to be a wagon to fall off that's related.

I don't know why that is.

The many times I dieted, I would give myself permission to indulge for (insert excuse), and it almost always lead to me abandoning my diet. This does not appear to be an issue for skinny people. They can associate naughty foods with weddings or vacations or parties, and it does not turn them into food consuming machines.

I think my brain will always need to be wired slightly differently than those folks, and that's okay. I had to press on past many points of no return to break the sensors in my head that tell most people that it's taboo to eat so much that you grow to be the size of a barn. So I'm playing with a different set of rules - that's fine. As long as they work!

We were planning the food for the gathering after the funeral today, and we called around to see what everyone was bringing. I didn't hear any healthy options - no surprise. For healthy options, I'm bringing a salad and veggies and dip, but that's really all I had time for. Everything else we're bringing is just as bad as all the other foods everyone else is bringing.

I did volunteer for the task of grocery shopping, so at least I was able to buy healthy ingredients whenever I was able to. I bought low fat sour cream for the dips, reduced fat feta for the pasta salad (I forgot pasta, so my Mom was stuck using what I had in the house, which was multigrain), etc... I always buy low fat foods when I'm cooking for others. I never used to do that before when I was dieting, but it's just hard for me to buy full fat items...I feel like I'm hurting my guests...although they probably wish I would...LOL

I entertain a lot, and I've found there are not many healthy staples for the pot luck event, so I'm going to make an effort to start thinking of some for the future. I'm thinking turkey keilbasa in a splenda brown sugar sauce, low fat mexican layer dip (easy), etc... There are plenty of options...I should document them!

Time for a drink

I was reading my friend Kitty's blog yesterday, and she mentioned how she's going to try to continue to drink 100 oz water each day. I normally get in about 64 oz each day, but I haven't been giving it much thought in a long time. I normally only drink water or Crystal Light (which my MD and dietitian say is close enough), so everything I consume goes toward my water count.

This week has just been an off week in many respects. I can't work out, I haven't been making meals at home, and somehow I ran out of water, so I started drinking diet coke. I probably drank 2/3rd of a 2 liter bottle yesterday. Don't worry - I'm not going back to my old diet coke ways...it was just in the house, and I was exhausted, so I figured I should drink it.

Kitty's blog reminded me of the importance of water (thanks Kitty!), and so far it's 8:23 AM, and I've already had 48 oz. Good girl.

I have no idea what I weigh - I need a new battery for my scale. My weight spanned 20 lbs in range this AM, so yeah, it's not working. I didn't eat very well yesterday, but today is a new day. It's not that I'm in a funk with food - I just haven't made it the priority I should because I've had so much else going on.

On the upside, I did get a big chunk of a case study done for school yesterday, as well as putting together 4 collages of pictures, etc, of my grandmother, and I finally found centerpieces that I am going to make for the tables at the (whatever it's called) after the funeral tomorrow.

This morning, I got all of my homework done for art class, as well as some work, although I have more I need to do once I'm done blogging. Today we are going to set up the clubhouse room at my grandmother's elderly housing community so that it will be all set for us to go there tomorrow after the funeral. I still need to pick up a few things for that, and we are going to be doing some cooking as well. If we have free time tonight, we may go to the movies.

Tomorrow will be busy - I want to get to the clubhouse in the AM before the funeral to make sure everything is set up, and to drop off the food, ice, etc. We have the reception thing from 12-2, and I need to be at art class by 5:30. I would skip it, but I already missed three classes from being sick, so I'm pretty sure if I miss another, I'll have to retake the class. No thanks. My professor has been very understanding with me, and I appreciate it. She's actually meeting with me early on Monday night to review any information I missed from the past two classes.

I'm still disappointed that I can't work out, but in a few days, the dust will have settled in my life (I hope!), and I can get back to planning my meals, etc... In the mean time, I'm going to drink as much water as I can to flush out my system and hopefully help me lose weight, even though I'm stagnant.

Fit Day

I haven't been that great about tracking my foods on fitday the past 2 weeks. Last week, I had my surgery, and that threw me for a loop, and this week has been a crazy week on its own. I last tracked my calories on Tuesday, but I got caught up this morning. I've been averaging between 1000 - 1200 calories per day this week, which isn't terrible since I've been eating out more than usual, which is to be expected...

I'm tired - I haven't been sleeping great, and I feel like I could use a big fat nap. I'm going to call my MD today to find out when I can return to working out. I'm bored of being a lump.

TJ was kind enough to loan me his iPod shuffle these past few months since I lost my iPod, but I just ordered another iPod online this week. I bought it used on Amazon, and I'm still hoping the one Darcy bought me will pop up.

It will be nice to have the video feature again so that I can watch TV and movies while I ride the boring exercise bike. I hope it arrives soon!

I just tried my surgeon's office, and he's off today. I'm calling my PCP to see what they think about me doing some very light lower body exercise, like a low speed on the exercise bike. I'm sure it will be fine. I'm not going to lift any weights, or anything...

Oh boy, I'm on hold with them now. They just told me I need to wait SIX weeks to exercise. Are you kidding me? They are double checking. They said I could do some light walking if I want, but I should wait at least 2 weeks from the surgery date to do that. Good thing I didn't go hiking with my Dad yesterday like we had talked about!

Six weeks seems a bit excessive. I'm hoping she has a different answer for me when she comes back on the line. She said that even an exercise bike could pull on the wounds, even going slow. What a bummer...okay...she just came back on the line and said that it's 4-6 weeks, and I should get clearance from the MD first even at that.

I'm destined to not lose weight for a little while, so that's just that. It's okay. I'm perfectly comfortable at my current weight (don't worry - not too comfortable), and I'll just continue to eat healthy and exercise as soon as I'm cleared!

If you can go to the gym, go! You'd miss it if you weren't able.

Grammy

My dear little grandmother passed away last night. She lived her life independently until the end, and she didn't suffer for months on end in a nursing home as is so common in elderly folks. I know that's just how she would have wanted it, and I'm glad for her, but it is just so sad for us.

My grandmother and I had a lot in common, but there are some traits of hers that I wish were part of our commonness, such as her OCD like cleanliness, frugality, and inability to gain weight!

She would always say how she loooooved vegetables, and she'd rather have her greens than chocolate ANY day. God love her. ;-) That's not to say she never touched bad foods - Darcy and I used to take her out for seafood all the time, and she cold eat any fisherman under the table! She would pile in the onion rings, baked haddock, scallops, lobster, shrimp - whatever you put on her plate went in!

"I'm not very hungry, but if YOU girls want to get something to eat, I suppose we could," she'd say. I would pretend that I was the one dying to go out for seafood even though I would always (ALWAYS) order chicken, and that "not very hungry" little thing would polish off her entire plate, and often a lot of mine!

I loved watching her eat, because she was such a little bitty thing, but she could pack it away! Adorable.

Darcy and I always looked forward to seeing her, and we always had a blast with her. She was 55 years older than me, but we laughed and joked together like we were the best of friends. I have a lot more to say about her, but I'm going to put my thoughts together carefully to be read at the service on Monday.

I am going to miss her terribly, but I have a lifetime of fond memories, laughs and a heart full of love for her.

My grandmother looooved to dance when she was younger, and I hope she's off kicking up her heels right now!

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The last of my water weight is gone...maybe now I can start losing actual weight. I think my plateau has a crush on me, and that's why it won't let me go... I can't say I blame it.

No word on my dear little grandmother...I've taken a personal day to be with her and my family, although we are not allowed to go to the ICU until 11 AM, so I'm going to get some work done until then. I probably slept 2 hours last night. I got up in the middle of the night and completed a big project for work that had been troubling me, so that was a good outcome. At least I don't waste insomnia on tossing and turning!

I'm not tired now, but I'm sure I will be later. I'll muscle through...I have big muscles. :)

Dinner time

My dinner plan has changed since this morning. On my way to pick my Dad up from the airport, I learned that my grandmother went into cardiac arrest this morning, and she has been in a coma since. We don't know if she had brain damage as a result, or if she will recover. I just don't want her to be in pain...

It's been a sad and draining day, and I'm not feeling that great. I don't have it in me to cook, so we're ordering Chinese...not the best choice, I know - especially as I try to get rid of the last 2 lbs of my water weight! Oh well.

I've already figured out what I'm going to eat out of what I ordered, and I plugged it into fitday.com, and I'm within my calories for the day, so that is good at least. I'm not an emotional eater - I'm just a sick eater (I eat bad when I'm sick).

I left the hospital a little while ago, and my Dad is still there, so I'm hoping to hear an update soon.

More water...going away...

Did you know that a gallon of water weighs about 8.34 lbs? I did not realize that. When I had my surgery, I gained a gallon of water! As of this morning, 6 of the 8 lbs are finally gone, so that is a relief. I could feel a difference in my jeans from the extra 8, and that's no fun!

I stuck to my eating plan yesterday, and it was nice to finally have a home cooked meal for the first time in...I can't remember! Darcy is finally turning a corner with her pain too, so that's good. She's still immobile, and in quite a bit of pain, but she's becoming a human again...talking...etc...so that's a relief.

I overdid it, and that may be why some of my incisions are now infected. Dummy. I know. I cleaned out the wounds last night (sounds more disgusting than it really was, I promise), and today they are looking *much* better.

I'm looking forward to seeing my Dad today! He hasn't been here since June. I'm sorry he had to come under these circumstances, but my grandmother is doing much better, and I think we'll have time to have some fun.

I want to stay on track with planning my daily meals ahead of time for the time being, so today is as follows:

Breakfast - multigrain cheerios with a banana and milk
Lunch - (Tough call...I'm picking my Dad up from the airport at noon, and we have no lunch foods in the house...I did a terrible job grocery shopping yesterday...maybe we'll go out to lunch, which is not my plan, but that's fine...I'll get a grilled chicken salad with lite dressing or something comparable wherever we go)
Dinner - roasted chicken with red potatoes, mulitgrain rice pilaf and a garden salad
Snacks - fresh fruit - it's delicious!

I'm glad my Dad will be staying with us this week, because it's another excuse for me to make sure we are planning our meals in advance. With Darcy out of commission and me still on the mend, it's easy to order in, but having my father here will be an excuse to make meals, which is healthier, more cost effective, and usually tastier!

How sweet it is

Some of my darling employees sent me a get well basket from edible arrangements on Friday. It was so sweet of them! I just love fresh fruit, and it really brightened my day!

I've been on a bit of a food bender the past few days... I'm PMSing, and I'm feeling under the weather from the surgery, and probably more sorry for myself than usual since things have been so crazy these past few days, so I've just been eating whatever...

I am not up for cooking, and Darcy can't even move, so we've just been ordering in each meal...even if you try to pick something healthy, it never really is.

Enough is enough. I feel gross. I know part of that is because I'm recovering still, but the other part is because I've been fueling myself with junk food. Yesterday I had 1/2 a bacon burger for breakfast, a slice of pizza for lunch, and mozzerella sticks for dinner. Gross.

I ordered a salad for dinner, and I got the mozzerella sticks as an appetizer for Darcy, but I ended up eating those instead of my salad because it was just easier than all that cutting up of chicken and lettuce... How lazy can a person be.

On the flip side, apparently my gallbladder surgery worked because had I eaten that food before, I would have been on the floor in pain. I'm not sure that's a good thing... ;-)

I've let myself be slothful for the past few days, and that is coming to an end today. I'm going to plan my meals ahead of time until I'm back in a groove with cooking so that I can ensure I'm eating healthy.

Breakfast: multigrain cheerios with fruit and skim milk
Lunch: grilled chicken salad
Dinner: pork chops with a few baked sweet potato fries and green beans
Snack: fresh fruit from my edible arrangement!

Alison was a savior and came up on Saturday night to help clean/wash dishes/etc, and also just to wait on me and Darcy. It was a tremendous help, and I'm so thankful. She stayed until mid day yesterday, and I missed her when she was gone!

Out of me and Darcy, she wins for the most sick, so I'm in charge of everything, and on my feet and moving around more than I'm really comfortable with. My Dad is coming tomorrow to stay with us for a week, and Alison was a great help by changing the sheets in the guest bedroom, doing the dishes, sweeping, etc... I still have a bit more that needs to be done before he arrives, and I think I'll see if Stephanie and Carolyn can come over tonight to help. Alison offered to come back after work, but that's crazy, as she works in Burlington, MA, and she doesn't get out until 6.

You are very sweet, though, Ali!

As I've said before, I'm extremely lucky to have such wonderful friends that I can count on when I need to.

My grandmother's surgery went well yesterday, and my Dad will be helping to get arrangements together to move her into an assisted living facility while she continues to recover.

I was able to postpone our trip to Florida, and while it's slightly disappointing, it's more of a relief. If you could see how much pain Darcy is in, the thought of schlepping her down to Florida in one week would probably sound horrifying, and not at all relaxing or fun, to you too. :) The poor kid. We are going to try to get an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon today, and I'm hoping there is *something* they can do to help the kid out. She's just in excruciating pain constantly, and so she's drugged up on pain killers and stuck in either a chair or bed propped up, just hoping to fall asleep so she's not in pain.

Somehow, I was able to change our tickets for just $20/piece, and our hotel in Key West honored our November rates for January, surprisingly! The car rental is going to be the same cost too. The house we are renting in Ft. Lauderdale, however, is double the nightly amount in January. We could stay at a really nice resort for the same price as it will be now, but that's not what I want. I want to stay at a house so that we can save money on meals and be able to buy groceries and cook for ourselves to stay healthy while we're down there.

I'm checking to see if the rental agent has any properties (with a pool!) that are cheaper for January, where I won't lose the deposit I already sent... cross your fingers...

I suppose you are now completely caught up on my little life, so I will sign off for now.

Stay safe...it's a jungle out there!

Water weight

The water weight from surgery is finally coming off. I thought it would have been sooner, but who knows. I was finally down about 2 lbs today of the 8 I was up after surgery. Hopefully the rest will be gone soon - mainly just because I'm uncomfortable being so bloated. I'm not actually worried about the number on the scale, as I'm trying to heal.

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What a weekend. I spend most of the day yesterday in the ER. First because Darcy fell and managed to somehow break her shoulder, and second because my poor grandmother fell and broke her hip! If bad things happen in three's, as they say, I'm hoping my gallbladder surgery counts as the first of three because I'm to tired for another crisis.

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My grandmother is having surgery today to repair her hip, so I'm hoping that goes as well as possible. The poor woman was lying on the floor of her apartment all night long until a neighbor found her (thank God) the next morning.

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I'm still sore from the surgery, and the pain makes me sleepy. Darce and I went to bed at 8:30 last night, but she woke up in pain at 1AM, and I couldn't fall back to sleep until 5AM. After trying for an hour, I decided to use the time to get some work done, so at least it was productive.

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I don't know what to do about Florida. I need a vacation like you wouldn't believe, but it's going to be hard to travel with broken shoulder McGee... I've already paid for the house we're renting in FL as well as the hotel in Key West (and the plane tickets), so it may be too late to reschedule even if we want to. I'm going to look into this today.

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If we do postpone the trip, I'm still going to take a little bit of time off. Work has been very challenging this past week, and I just need some time to decompress. Everything will be fine.

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I'm hoping to be good as new in a few days so that I can get back to the gym. I feel flabby. We can't have that.

Japanese ketchup

We went out for lunch at a Japanese steakhouse after we went shopping today. It was nice to be out of the house, but I got tired pretty quickly. I got two new winter jackets, so that was nice - one for work and one for play. They are both size XL, which is good because I will have plenty of room to have sweaters and sweatshirts underneath. Our lunch was delicious - I had filet mignon and shrimp with grilled veggies and fried rice. I didn't eat much of the rice, but the steak, shrimp and veggies were fantastic!

I'm back home now, and back to work, but I'm still feeling cabin fever from being stuck in the house almost all week. I started to clean the house earlier, but I get tired pretty quickly. I have a bunch of work and homework to do this weekend, and I'm hoping my energy levels are up so that I can accomplish what I need to.

Phat lip

(not my actual lip)

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Something happened during surgery, and as a result, I have a fat lip on the left side of my mouth. I don't know if it was from the intubation or if I just bit my lip really hard during the procedure, but it's really annoying, and it's in the way. It kind of hurts too!

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I've had plenty of popsicles and italian ice, but the swelling doesn't seem to be going down. I know it will eventually.

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I'm feeling better each day. I'm tired and sore today, but I think I'm moving away from the pain meds onto advil unless that really doesn't work for me. I think it will be fine. I still have shoulder pain (from the gas that they pump you up with to do the surgery), but I think that has worked itself out mostly.

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My stomach is sore, but that's going to be the case for a while. I'm sick of sleeping on my left side because my left hip is starting to ache. Hopefully I can sleep normally tonight.

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I think I'm back to a regular diet as of today. I don't feel nauseous. I'm going to have cheerios with fruit and milk for breakfast, and I'm thinking of having grilled veggies with steak for lunch. I'll probably have left overs for dinner.

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I'm completely bored of sitting around the house, so I think I'll go shopping at some point today to get some exercise in. It's good for me to be moving around, and I'm not going to rip anything open, Ali, I promise! I will take it very easy.

Walk a mile in my shoes

Darcy and I went for a walk today - it was just over a mile. It was good to get out there and move around, and I felt fine. I could have gone much longer, but I wanted to take it easy.

My pain has been pretty consistent today. I take pain meds, it subsides a bit, I get sleepy, it wears off and comes back...

It's certainly manageable. I'm hoping by tomorrow it will be even less.

Hit by a bus

They warned me this may happen...as soon as the pain meds wore off, I would feel like I had been hit by a bus. This is true, but I don't mind...it's *still* nothing compared to the gallbladder pain I had been experiencing.

I have been taking percoset every 5 or 6 hrs, and like clockwork, as soon as it wears off the pain is BACK. It woke me up in the middle of the night, and I took my pills, and then fell back asleep. As soon as 5 more hours passed, I woke up again in pain, but this time it was 6AM, so I thought it was time to get up.

I went to bed at 8PM last night, but I had been dozing off and on on the couch (more dozing than not) since 4:30 or 5. This week has taken a lot out of me! The MD prescribed me vicodin earlier in the week for my pain, which isn't as strong as percoset, so I took that this AM. I am going to try to work from home today, so I don't want to be nodding off or loopy. If I need something stronger for the pain, I'll take it, but it's worth a try.

They said the IV makes you gain up to 10 lbs of water weight, and I was up 8 this AM from yesterday...does that mean I'm down 2 lbs? JK. I'm most *definitely* bloated, but obviously, that is not a concern for me right now.

I walked around the house last night to get myself moving, and I went up and down the stairs about 20 times. Today, I'm going to go for a short walk...about a mile...as soon as the sun comes up. I know I will heal faster as long as I move more, in a responsible way.

I know I'm an optimist, but I'm pretty sure I'll be good as new by Saturday, and significantly better by tomorrow.

I will keep you posted!

Home sweet home

I'm so happy to be back home! Today's surgery went off without a hitch, and I recovered in record time. (At least that's my story.) I told Darcy prior to going in that I didn't want her to stray too far, because I'm an overacheiver, and I fully intend to recover quicker than the norm. Usually, they admit you after being in the PACU for a few hours, to keep you under observation, but I was determined to recover at lightening speed, dodging the need to be admitted.

My plan worked. As soon as I came too, I was coherent and asking to get dressed. They still made me wait for an hour while they observed me, but they skipped the admitting part. I read my chart (naturally), and it said that the patient awoke from anesthesia with good color and coherence, asking for her clothing. LOL.

I'm home now and very sleepy. Darcy is at the store getting me soup, popsicles, pain meds and movies. I'm cuddled up on a chair with a blanket, italian ice (for my sore throat from the intubation), my computer and a terrible movie. I really hope she gets home soon with better options because I may have to ask to be readmitted if I'm stuck watching the Simpson's movie for another minute.

My pre-op RN remembered me from last year when I had the lap band, and she was really surprised about the progress I'd made. That always feels good! The anesthesiologist was getting into a joke argument (joke, as in I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt) with one of the other RNs about our new "terrorist affiliated" president. She sees the silver lining as the fact that at least we can move away from this affirmative action stuff.

I'm opinionated, but I always give the other side my attention so that I'm not blindly making decisions, however, there is a time and a place for these discussions, and the operating room is not that place! Thankfully, I'm amused by social faux pas, so I just laughed at both of them.

That's really it - I'm on bed rest for the next 24-48 hrs, and I can eat anything I want after 24 hrs. For the next 24 hrs, I'm to avoid heavy foods, which is why I'm sticking with popsicles, sherbet, crackers and light soup. After that, I will ease my way into a normal diet.

Thank you all again for your prayers and thoughts and words of encouragement. I'm very lucky to be living in 2008 and to have a truly awesome surgeon. I wasn't nervous for one second, and that's only because I know and trust my surgeon so much.

Can you even call it going under the knife?

Today is the day my pesky little gallbladder will be removed forever. See ya! What a hassle this little organ has become. Thankfully, it cooperated for my party on Sunday, but Monday I was very sick. The pain meds didn't seem to do anything, although I'm sure they did, and the pain would have been that much worse without them. Yesterday I was achy and exhausted all day as a leftover from Monday. Today, however, I feel fine.

It's 7:30, and we're leaving in about 15 minutes. We are supposed to get to the hospital at 9:15, so 90 minutes should give us *plenty* of time. I don't want to be late like I was last year, even though it was only by a few minutes...I feel a little hungry, and I can't eat or drink anything, naturally. I don't know when the next time I can eat will be. I just googled this, and it looks like I can eat fairly soon after surgery (maybe tomorrow), but there is usually a very strict no fat diet - not even lean chicken or anything like that. That's fine...I just want to be well.

I can't wait until this is behind me so that I can get back to my healthy eating routine. The strangest things have been setting me off (like salad) while other things (steak and mashed potatoes or spaghetti) have been fine, so I've been eating the foods that don't bother me over and over, and they aren't exactly a well balanced diet. I haven't cared because all I wanted was to avoid and attack, and if those foods worked, who cares.

I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either. I think I was down another lb over the weekend, but it's back today, so we'll just wait to make sure it's gone for good to count it. The past two weeks have been tough, as I have been sick off and on the whole time, and unable to exercise or feel like myself. I'm very eager to get this behind me, and get back on track.

I will check in post op. Thanks for all the well wishes!

PS - I hope you all enjoy this historic day in American history, regardless of your party preference. :)

How does this happen?

In preparation for our Halloween party, Darcy and I took on a few major projects around the house...mainly related to organizing our clothing. I always seem to have an insane amount of clothing - I'm not sure how this happens, since I don't feel like I ever shop... Still, as I lose weight or move, etc, I always find myself with tons and tons of clothing to get rid of.

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Darcy and I have a very small stackable washer and dryer at the house, and it's easy to get behind in laundry as a result. I wanted to get fully caught up on laundry, so we went to the coin-op laundromat down the street. We managed to spend over FIFTY dollars on our laundry. Now that it's all clean, we are trying our best to figure out where to put it all... I think we probably have over 100 t shirts between the two of us...I can't imagine why...

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Anyway, the picture above is all of our mismatched socks. I'm going to try to match them up, but we already have 3 small drawers full of matched socks. I can't imagine where I would put these, or why someone would need so many socks. Seeing the giant pile of mismatched socks made me pause to consider how something could get so out of hand...both the purchasing of such a large quantity of socks, as well as the neglect to match them up, for what must be an extremely long time period.

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It reminded me of my weight struggles. I don't know how I ever allowed myself to abuse my body so severely that I got as big as I did. I have a good self esteem, and it's so out of character for me to be slovenly. You would think at some point along the way, I would have said enough is enough before growing to be *200* lbs over weight... Yes, I dieted, but I should have tirelessly fought to get healthy. I grew complacent, and then all of the sudden, I was enormous.

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I'm growing tired of my plateau. I'm not discouraged and doubting my journey, but I'm starting to feel fat. I'm still 40 lbs overweight, and coming off the high of losing 160+ lbs, I felt thin, but now that I've been losing so slowly, I've gotten really used to being the size I am now, and I feel like a bit of a fat slob. It's just not a nice feeling. I need to spend more time exercising, and I know that will make all the difference I need.

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I'm looking forward to putting my surgery behind me. I made it a full day without an attack today, so that is a good thing!

I'm off to match up my socks!

Got to go

I need to get rid of this organ, asap. I was up with an attack 2 nights ago, and I couldn't sleep, so I got some work done in the middle of the night, and then I had some spotty sleep until it was time for work. I don't know what caused it - I didn't eat dinner. Last night, I had a grilled chicken salad for dinner, and I had an attack in the middle of the night again.

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These attacks aren't as bad as the worst one I had (by any means), but they are still quite painful, and the accompanying nausea is unpleasant as well. The attack I had last night happened early morning, and I just tossed and turned until I finally got up. I'm still having the attack currently, and I'm going to call my MD for some pain meds shortly when her office opens.

I'm supposed to be on the road all day today, but I'm going to have to reschedule. These attacks are too unpredictable, and at any point it could worsen, and then I'd be in big trouble.

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On the weight front, there has been no change. At this point, I don't care. I just want to get my gallbladder removed, and then get back to working on losing. I had been going to the gym every day, but I skipped on Tuesday, as Darcy was laid off from her job, and I just wanted to spend the evening trying to cheer her up. Yesterday I wasn't feeling well from the night before. I'm not going to use this as an excuse to fall off track with working out, though.

Working out the workout

I went to AA in support of a friend when he was just getting started, and at the end, they all said: "Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it 'cause you're worth it."

I don't mean to cheapen a mantra that has helped many people stay sober over the years, but I must say I feel like the same thought is true of a healthy living program, including going to the gym. Many people work out and get very little out of it, because they aren't working it properly.

It's easy to go through the motions and feel like you're doing the right thing, but really get nothing out of it. I've always been one to work out my workout because I enjoy getting sore and sweaty and feeling like I'm getting stronger, healthier and leaner. With my knee injury, it's just not the same.

I did the bike for 15 minutes today, but I was bored out of my skull, so I moved to the treadmill. I did that for 7 minutes, but it was starting to make my knee feel weird, and I didn't feel like I was getting anything out of the workout. I can't run or jog, and the fastest I could walk without jogging was 3.5 mph. To get a decent work out for my age, my heart rate should be at 140, at least, and walking 3.4 was only bringing me to 115.

It's not totally pointless, but I need to make sure I'm putting enough into my workout to get my desired results. It's not enough just to go through the motions. I did 22 minutes of cardio, and then it was time for my tanning appointment, so I stopped my workout at that point. My iPod died, so that didn't help my motivation to continue working out after I tanned. ;-)

I did push ups and 300 crunches when I got home, so I got about a 35 minute work out in, but I would like to have done more. There are only so many hours in the day, though, so I'm doing my best. I have to leave for class at 5:30 and I won't be home until 9:30 or 10, but I may do another 300 crunches when I get home tonight.

Tomorrow I have a going away party in Boston after work, so I'm not sure what time I'll be home. I have an early morning meeting, but I will make sure I get up early enough to make it to the gym first thing in the AM.

I'm already very bored with the exercise bike, and I can't wait to be cleared to go hiking again. I just hope it's before the snow comes!!

Can't get to FL soon enough!

I had a good weekend, but there was still plenty of work to be done, and Sunday wouldn't be complete without a gallbladder attack. It's becoming a routine. I had 2 steak tips and a very small amount of rice pilaf for dinner. I ordered in, and I don't know if the restaurant cooked the food ridiculously greasy or something, but it didn't seem like it... It wasn't an attack like last week where I was doubled over (thank God!), but it was still very annoying, and it lasted for several hours.

We leave for Florida in three weeks, and I cannot wait. I'm very excited to be warm again, and to be able to go swimming and do all the other fun summer things you can do in Florida year round. I wish I could live there...at least during the winter!

I haven't had any change on the scale lately. Lanie keeps telling me I'm shrinking, so I'll take it. ;-) I was tired yesterday, so I did my minimum work out: push ups and crunches. I'm still 5 for 5 for my working out record. I think giving myself permission to work out for a minimum of 10 minutes, one to two days/week will really help me stay on track. Even though I wasn't feeling great yesterday, I knew I could do at least 10 minutes of a work out.

Today I'll be back to the gym for more on the bike and upper body again (if I have time for weights). I have a busy work day ahead of me, and school tonight, so I will do what I can.

Saturday morning workout

I got to the gym just after 7, and I did 35 mins on the exercise bike - 7 miles. I've been reading one of my books for school while I work out, and I've found that I go slower when I'm reading, so I stopped half way through. I went up to level 16, which after a minute made me literally start panting, but it was all good.

After the exercise bike, I did arms on the machines for the next 35 mins or so. It was a really good work out, and a great way to start my weekend. I burned about 600 calories.

I had Multigrain cheerios with a banana for breakfast, and I'm going to have a grilled chicken salad for lunch. We went to Chili's for dinner, but I had too many tortilla chips before my salad came out, so I took the whole thing home. Naughty! :)

I'm not sure what we're going to bring to the halloween party tonight, but it will be something healthy. I think that the best way to make sure there are healthy options at parties is to bring them yourself!

Mall walking

D and I needed to go to the mall last night, so I ended up doing some mall walking for my exercise. D was in one store for 45 minutes (I know, I don't know how that's possible either!), so I cruised the mall the entire time. People probably thought I was rude as I was zooming past them, but oh well... It was warm in the mall, and I had a coat on, and I actually worked up a sweat, which was surprising, but affirming. I don't feel like I'm doing cardio effectively unless I sweat.

I was thinking of trying out the hot yoga this AM, hoping they had a 7AM class to get it out of the way early, but their earliest is 8AM. I'm going to head over to the gym instead.

I have a lot of work I need to do today before our halloween party tonight, so I'm counting on a productive day. Speaking of halloween, it's the little things that are nice - yesterday when we were at the mall, I went into the halloween store, and picked out a costume, not worried about it fitting, even though it's a generic costume in a bag. It was also nice to go into the "kids" stores like Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister, knowing that I could easily find things to wear there. However, as long as they are charging $90/sweat shirt, I will certainly not be taking advantage of my ability to shop there! :)

When I'm at goal, I'll spend some money on a few nice things, but I'll still be a bargain shopper at heart.

Yesterday's work out

I went to the gym yesterday AM, and I did the exercise bike. I was only going to do 20 minutes because I wanted to see how my knee did, but I ended up doing 25. It was really easy. I'm only supposed to go flat, so that's probably why it was easy. Plus, I was only on level 6, but I didn't want to go too crazy my first day back.

My knee is a little off today, but that may be because I was playing darts for hours last night, and that always bothers my knee a bit, although not nearly as much as it was weeks ago. I haven't decided what I'm going to do for my work out today, but I'm thinking yoga.

I did it

I exercised...for 12 minutes. ;-) Hey - it's a start. I did crunches and push ups when I got home from work/MD appt, and I was exhausted, so 12 minutes was better than nothing. My pre-op testing was from 3-3:30, and I waited to see my MD until 5:30. I brought my lap top to work on while I waited, but the hospital's wireless internet connection was down! I did as much as I could with things I had printed up and my blackberry, but I wasted too much time while I was waiting.

My MD weighed me, and I was down 6 lbs from the last time I was there, 6 weeks ago. Just as my scale is showing, I'm losing a lb/week now since I haven't been exercising. I suppose that is still good because a loss is indeed a loss! Now that I'm back to exercising, I'm hoping to increase that, but even if I don't, I'll still be happy losing 1 lb/week. The exercising will continue to firm me up and give me energy and a metabolism boost.

When I met with the pre-op nurse, she asked how much I had lost since my lap band surgery a year ago, and when I told her, she was floored. I've gotten used to my loss, and so it was a nice reminder of the difference in my life to see her reaction. She said most of the people she has spoken to are underwhelmed with their lap band results, and we agreed that is because they are hoping it's going to be a fix all, and it's just not.

With gastric bypass, it is much more drastic, and even though it's still hard work to lose the weight, it comes off much faster. Not only is your stomach size restricted, but your body doesn't absorb all the nutrients or calories from the food you eat, so it's a double whammy. Additionally, many undesirable foods make the GB patient feel extremely sick (for the first 1-2 years post op), so it's much harder to "cheat." The lap band only makes you feel full quicker. If you want to find ways around it, you definitely can.

For my work out today, I'm going to attempt the exercise bike at the gym. My knee was bothering me a lot last night from spending four hours driving yesterday, so I'm hoping the bike will be okay. If I have trouble, I'll do the treadmill.

Seriously...

I need to get back into the swing of exercising. Being sick and having my knee problems really threw me of track, and now it's like starting all over again, trying to get back into the groove. I want to try hot yoga, and I plan to do that soon. I just have to figure out when I have a big chunk of time for it.

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I have clearance to go back to working out my knee (with restrictions), and I haven't even taken advantage of that yet. Things have been busy, but they are always busy. I have a new big project that I was just assigned for work, and it's due by next week. I don't know how I'll do it without working around the clock to finish, but I'm sure I'll manage...I always do!

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I have to head out for my pre-op appointment in a few minutes, and I probably won't get home until late tonight, and I'll need to continue working (I'm bringing my lap top to the hospital so I can work while I'm waiting for my MD, which often is literally hours), but no matter what, I'm going to exercise tonight.

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In fact, I'm going to see how long I can go exercising every day, even if it's just for 10 minutes. I'm going to pay myself $10/day for as long as I'm exercising every day in a row. If I really do only exercise for 10 minutes, that's only allowed twice/week. The other times have to be at least 30 minutes, and ideally 60-90, but I have to be realistic.

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If I go 33 days in a row, I'll pay myself out $330. If I go 100 days, I'll pay myself $1000. Each week, I'll put the money in an account that I don't use, and I'll use this blog to track my progress. If anyone wants to join my efforts, we could always put a pool together and whoever goes the longest w/o taking a day off, gets the whole kitty!

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Let me know if you want to accept the KC work out challenge! :)

Traffic

It's 8:30 AM, and I'm ready for a nap. I left the house a few minutes later than planned this AM (6:05 and I was aiming for 5:50), and I think it may have made a difference to my morning commute. It took me over two hours to get to work this morning, driving through Boston traffic. It was rainy and dark out, and I had the heat on, so it made me sleepy and lethargic.

I thought it was because I needed to eat, but I just had my cereal with a banana, and I'm still ready to put my head down on my desk! I felt this way yesterday too on my way home from work, but once I ate my DELICIOUS dinner, I felt great. There was red meat involved...maybe I need iron.

Today I have my pre-op testing for my gallbladder surgery. I changed the surgery date to 11/5. After Sunday's episode, I can't wait to get rid of the thing, but next week just wasn't working out for many, many reasons.

As I mentioned, my dinner last night was very good. I made so many veggies, they didn't all fit in the wok, and it's a big wok! I had to use two pans to cook it all, but then it cooked down and all fit in the wok. I can't believe how much I absolutely love vegetables now. I was never much of a fan when I used to eat terribly, and now I think they are fabulous.

I'm going to be flat out with work, school and other projects until we leave for Florida. I cannot wait to have a chance to relax and veg out. I rented a house with a pool, so that we can save money on meals, but also so that we can cook healthy meals while we are there. I want to rent bicycles to ride to the beach and back. My friend Jason is looking into that for me. I never would have dreamed of biking around on a vacation in the past.

We're going to stay in Ft. Lauderdale for a week, and then we plan to go to Key West for 3 days. I still need to figure out where we're staying there. I can't wait to go swimming in that aqua agua.

Wok's for dinner?

My parents got me a really nice wok set for my birthday. It was delivered to my grandmother's house, and I didn't have a chance to pick it up until a week and a half ago. I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to use it yet, but tonight I'm breaking it in!

I have some grass fed steak tips, bok choy, bamboo shoots, bean sprouts, water chestnuts, pea pods, carrots, onions and red pepper, and I'm going to do some kind of light sesame teriyaki sauce. Yum! I can't wait to break it in!

Afraid to eat

If a small amount of light butter is going to make me sick at this point, I'm not sure what I can safely eat. I had multigrain cheerios with a banana for breakfast. Apparently we were out of milk, so it was a bit dry. For lunch, I started to eat some turkey salad I had made with the light mayo, but then I was worried the light mayo may be a problem, so I made soup instead. It was just noodles with chicken broth -full of sodium and not very filling, but pretty bland.

I was hungry a few hours later, so I had some low fat crackers. If my gallbladder is getting worse, any animal fats could begin to bother me - any meat or cheese could be a problem. I know that may not be the case, but after last night, I'm afraid to even risk it. I may have to go vegan for the next week. :)

Hot Yoga

Hot yoga is also referred to as Bikram yoga, named for its' originator Bikram Choudury. The class room is heated to 105 degrees, and the classes last 90 minutes in length. I found a studio right near my house that is run by Bickram's neice, and she learned from him directly, so that's pretty cool.

The thought of being in a room with sweaty strangers, is a bit gross to me, but I'm hoping it's not as bad as I'm imagining. They do not have beginner classes, because each class is supposed to be fine for beginners, so that's a bit intimidating. I'd like to drag Darcy along, but I'm worried she'll overheat with her high blood pressure. We'll see.

Where did the weekend go?

Friday night was over in a flash with class, Saturday was a whirlwind getting everything all set for the wedding, and yesterday we had breakfast with Alison, visited with Darcy's family, took my grandmother to lunch and leaf peeping, and finally got home late in the afternoon to have a little time to relax before starting another busy week. I do not like taking classes in person -I much prefer online. Knowing every Monday that after a full weekend, I have to work all day and then go to class from 6-9:30 is just not a fun thought to have every Monday AM.

Here are some pics from the wedding:

Darcy in her Maid of Honor garb

Alison with Mary, Darcy's Mom

Me and Mary

I ended up wearing my boring tan suit, but it was fine. We had a nice time at the wedding. It was a very brief ceremony, which is always nice in my book. :) After the ceremony, the bridal party came out to the Dropkick Murphy's song, and one of the grooms men, came running into the hall like he was stealing a base, and he slid into home when he arrived at the front (very cute), the bride and groom came down the aisle to "Let's get it started," and when they got to the front they started dancing. It was very cute and peppy.

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Last night, I had spaghetti with light butter and light Parmesan cheese for dinner. I had the worst gallbladder attack I've had yet. It must have been the light butter, but I didn't use much at all, and it's light! I took 3 advil and a vicodin, and nothing seemed to work. I was very nauseous too, and every time I got sick, I was glad that I was feeling something different than the gallbladder pain at the time.

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The attack only lasted about 5 hours, which is a shorter time frame than a lot of them I've had, so I'm glad about that. The severity of the pain was stronger than ever. I almost went to the ER, even though I know there's nothing they can do for me, and by the time the prescribed me pain meds, the attack would probably be over. I just didn't know what to do. I was doubled over, and the pain was so piercing, I was worried my gallbladder had ruptured.

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Today, I'm just sore and I feel weak from getting sick a few times, and being in pain for so many hours. I'm glad that's over with. I'm going to eat only bland foods, with no fats until I have my surgery. I had checked about pushing it back a week, but now I'm thinking I should keep it as it is. I really hope I don't have another attack before the surgery.

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My weight remains the same. I weighed myself at Alison's this weekend, and I think I may have been down another lb, but it wasn't reflected in my scale, so I'm just going to hold off on counting it. I am seriously considering heat yoga. I think it sounds torturous, but I heard the weight just falls right off you. I could go for that.