Why are you staring at me?

I was in a drug store yesterday, and there was a strange man in front of me in line at the register. He kept staring at me, and so I'd stare back to give him the hint that I knew he was staring at me, and he should stop. By the third time, I decided to say something.

"Why are you staring at me?" I asked.

He came up with some ridiculous excuse about not wanting to watch as he spent money, so he needed to find something else to look at, oddly not even attempting to deny the staring, and I was polite to him and he left.

The clerk at the register said she was glad I said something and she would have to, but most people wouldn't dream of it. Staring at someone is strange and rude and skeevy if you ask me.

In the past, I *never ever* would have confronted someone for staring at me. I would have been afraid of what their answer was! Now, I just don't care. I'm still a good 40 lbs overweight, which is still fat in the real world, and he could have said he was staring at me because I was fat (he was fatter), but I wouldn't have cared about that either. I just lost 160 lbs, and I'm going to lose 40 more, and I don't feel fat (usually), so it just wouldn't bother me.

I say what's on my mind more now, and I like that. A lot of times, fat people have to be overly nice or funny in order to get past the fat discrimination they face. I didn't realize I was doing that until now that I've stopped.

Cardio

I actually miss doing cardio since my knee hasn't been right. I'm surprised by that because I am not a fan of cardio, but apparently my body craves it now. Good for me.

I *really* need to make time to start out with the free trial at Lanie's gym that has the pool. Lanie? Call me! :) I want to go there tomorrow morning to do laps.

I didn't work out again yesterday. I worked until 8PM and then I just vegged out in front of the TV. I'm hoping that I can get caught up over the weekend so that next week won't be quite as crazy for me. I know I need to get back into the groove of carving out time each day to exercise.

Tonight I'm making grass fed delmonico steak on the grill with zucchini and corn on the cob. I'm looking forward to it! I had two Kashi whole grain waffles with sugar free syrup for breakfast. I'm going to have a small apple as a mid-morning snack, and for lunch I'm planning to have hummus and tabouli on a multigrain mini-pita with a cucumber on the side. If I'm hungry for a midday snack, I'll have some yogurt.

I don't think we have any plans this weekend, which is a good thing. I have a lot of work to get caught up with and I want to finish the guest bedroom project. I hope the weather is nice, because rain isn't very motivating to me.

Have a great weekend!

Salsa!

I made a big bowl of salsa last night, and it was delish. I made it with organic local vegetables. I used yellow, green, orange and red heirloom tomatoes, fresh cilantro, fresh chives, fresh pressed garlic, sea salt (made from seaweed), ground black pepper, salt, olive oil (not too much) and vinegar. It's easy to make and sooo yummy.

I brought it to a meeting I had today, and I couldn't stop eating it. I was full, but I kept taking bites. Naughty.

I'm in the weird post fill stage right now. I'm not on solids yet, so I'm eating foods that are softer, and that is never a great idea. I should be on solids tomorrow, so all will be well with the universe.

This week has been quite stressful, and I do not get stressed out easily. I'm not stressed out, actually, but I need some time off. I'm taking 3 days off around my birthday weekend next weekend, and it is much needed. We were going to go away, but I don't know if I feel like it. I may just want to chill and get caught up on projects/work/etc... I know that's not fun, but if it's good for my mental health, it's worth it.

I only worked out once so far this week. That's not good.

Full

Well I do notice a difference from this fill after all, although I'm not sure how long it will last. For lunch, I brought a cup of soup in, and it had a few tiny noodles in it, so I decided to try them since I only had a small fill. I got really full! I didn't even finish the 90 calorie soup because it was too much for me.

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I'm sure that won't stay with me for a long time, but it was still funny. Ideally, the lap band works best with solids because they don't slip through the band. If you eat a lot of soft foods (like popcorn, chips, ice cream, some breads, and even pastas), you can eat more than you would be able to with meat and vegetables. The key is working with the foods that work with you!

It's okay to have other things from time to time, as long as they are the exception and not the rule.

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I just received a very sad email from Not Your Average Joe's restaurant. There is *nothing* that I can eat on their menu. They sent me the nutrition information for everything, and it's all bad news. Most restaurants have a few things that aren't so bad, but I didn't find anything.

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I eat 1,000 calories per day, so I really don't like to go over 300 calories in any one meal, unless it's an exception. The mustard crusted chicken meal (lunch sized) was over 1100 calories for the chicken, potatoes and green beans. That doesn't surprise me too much. Some of the salads are over 1500 calories, and even their hummus dish was 700+.

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I'm going to ask them to put some healthier options on their menu, and I'll let you know how that goes! :)

Too much food

It took me a while to adjust to not eating as much. I used to spend $200/week on groceries, and now, if I'm not entertaining, I spend about $100 - $125 every two weeks. Still, however, I find myself with too much food.

Now that I'm buying organic foods that cost more, I *really* hate throwing out produce that spoiled or left over dinner meats that we didn't have a chance to finish. I just bought fresh produce on Saturday to make a nice salsa with, and the fresh cilantro is already starting to go bad.

I don't think the natural produce lasts as long...possibly...I'm not sure yet, but that's what I suspect. They aren't coated in wax and preservatives, so I suppose that would make sense. I just need to know that if I'm buying certain produce items, I need to use them quickly.

I can't eat it, but I plan to make the salsa tonight before the cilantro goes bad all the way. There are still parts that are perfectly fine. I have more cucumbers than I know what to do with, and D can't eat them because they don't agree with her.

I'm constantly buying meat that I have to freeze, but as long as I freeze it in time, we're okay. I think part of the problem is that I get busy and then decide to order something rather than cooking, and then I have leftovers to eat, so I still don't cook, and it's just a vicious cycle.

I hate to waste food, so I must find a way to have enough food on hand that I make the right choices, while not having too much that I end up wasting.

What kind of fill is that?

I met with the NP in my surgeon's office yesterday, and I let her know I was on a bit of a plateau. She said I'm still losing, just not as fast, so that's not exactly a plateau, but if it were a plateau, that would be completely normal. You don't lose as much as I have in the time that I have without slowing down from time to time. The body needs time to adjust to these significant changes, and I'm still doing everything right.

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She quizzed me about what I eat in an average day, and she was pleased with the results. She said I have a very well rounded diet, which is what I'm striving for. She asked me how much I was eating every day, and I told her I was now averaging about 1000 calories per day. She wanted to know if that was enough for me, and I told her it was, although I definitely am ready for a fill. She didn't want to give me one because she said I'm approaching the max capacity of my band (which I'm actually not - I had 6 CCs in a 10CC band, and the 10CC band can hold 12-14 CCs) so she gave me a .5 CC addition yesterday.

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I know I say this every time, but I have never seen any lap band surgeon so tight with the fills. I trust them, though. It's just odd knowing of people who had the surgery 3-4 months ago having more in their band than I do at almost the year point.

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So I have a tiny little fill, and we'll see if it makes any difference. I would have imploded if she didn't give me a fill at all after I took 3 hours out of my schedule to be there. I don't have 3 hrs to waste.

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I didn't eat anything last night, but I had a sugar free Carnation instant breakfast this morning, and it was good. I was looking forward to it for some strange reason. I'll be on liquids today, and we'll see about tomorrow. I doubt it's even necessary with my mini fill, but I'd rather play it safe.

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I did get some exercise in yesterday, so I'm glad about that, although my knee started to bother me. Today I *really* want to go kayaking, so I hope I am home before it's dark.

Living an active lifestyle

In our first night of class last night, the instructor paired us up to interview one of our classmates and introduce them to the class. One of the questions asked about hobbies/act ivies we do in our spare time. I used to hate questions like that because I never had a good answer, but now I do! I can say that I like hiking, biking, kayaking, boating - all things outdoors. I can't wait for this winter to go skiing!

In the past, I probably would have said I like to entertain, spend time with friends - aka eat and sit. LOL I've always loved to do active things but I couldn't before, and as we went around the room and heard about all the active things so many of my classmates participate in, I felt good to be able to do the things everyone else could.

I got in 12 hrs of work yesterday (as I was on work calls my entire way to class), and then about 3 hrs of class. We got out a little early, so I was home by 9:15. I was exhausted, but we watched Law and Order and then called it a night. Today I have a fill mid day which is going to get in the way of all the work I have, but I'll live. I can finish up after.

Sadly, I did not have a minute of time to work out yesterday, but today will be different.

Another Monday

Happy Monday...if there is such a thing. ;-)

I had a nice weekend, as planned, Saturday was very busy - we had a great time apple picking and shopping at the farmer's market at the apple orchard.

I bought all kinds of heirloom tomatoes that they grow there - I can't wait to make a colorful salsa with them! We got lots of fresh herbs and veggies as well as the apples that we picked. I even climbed an apple tree, and it was fun! :) We plan to go back there at least one more time this fall.

The customer appreciation day at our natural foods store was great - there were samples of so many things that I wouldn't have tried otherwise, so it was a neat way to expand our horizons.

We made some good headway reorganizing the downstairs bedroom and starting to paint all the furniture white. It looks so much better white. I'm hoping to finish that project during the week, but we'll see. It's another busy week for moi.

I start my watercolor class tonight. I'm looking forward to it, although 6-9:30 every Monday night will be kind of annoying. At least I'll get the class out of the way early on in the week.

Yesterday we decided to have a lazy day, and we went out to breakfast and then just watched movies and lazed around the house the rest of the day. It was very relaxing, but I'm glad to be back at a productive level today. I've been working since 6 this AM, and I will work until 5:30 tonight when I leave for class, although I do need to take a break at some point to exercise.

I have a fill tomorrow, and I think I'm quite ready for it. Have a great week!

The slow crawl to the finish line

I was down another lb today for a total of 159 lbs lost, 18 away from losing TJ. I think he may be right, in that I just can't bear the thought of losing him, and that is why this is taking longer than usual! :)

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With the lap band, in the first year, you can plan to average a 1-2 lb loss per week and after that, it slows. Your body has adjusted to being on a lower calorie regimen, and the loss isn't as dramatic. I averaged 3 lbs/week my first year, so now I may be slowing to the 1-2 lb loss per week as I approach my second year, and that is a good thing too. I lost 2 lbs last week and 1 lb this week, so perhaps that is my new trend. If that is the case and I now average a 1.5 lb weekly loss going forward, I will reach my goal in about 24 weeks, which puts me in February 2009, my original goal date.

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As the world's best estimator, it would only figure that I'd hit my goal at the exact right point. LOL How funny.

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Believe me, with just under 200 lbs to lose, I would have no complaints accomplishing that in about 18 months! That sounds crazy, but it's not falling off me as it would have if I had gastric bypass. With that, I probably would have hit my goal 4 months ago, but I'm very glad I chose the lap band. It's what I needed personally.

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So I will inch along to the finish line, and every lb loss is a lb gone forever! (Except possibly the last 10-20 lbs, LOL. They say most people get to their goal weight and then bounce back up just a bit. I don't mind being 10-20 lbs overweight if that's the best I can do. It's got to be better than 200 lbs overweight, right? ;-) )

Today Boston is a little healthier than it was yesterday

The City of Boston is following New York's lead in banning trans fats throughout the city. Trans fats were initially used for baking as they have a higher boiling point and a longer shelf life. These fats have long been connected to a heightened risk of cardio vascular disease and diabetes, and they are also responsible for raising bad LDL cholesterol and lowering the good HDL cholesterol.

According to today's article on Boston.com, "Studies estimate that having as few as 40 calories of trans fat a day can boost the risk of a heart attack by 23 percent. A fast-food meal of chicken nuggets and french fries, if prepared with artificial trans fat, can easily contain more than 100 calories of the substance." It doesn't take much to be at risk.

I applaud Boston and New York, and I predict that within the next decade, trans fats will be banned in most civilized countries. It is so important to carefully consider what we put into our bodies. We can't rely on the FDA to protect our health.

I'm so glad that my healthy journey has lead me to a heightened awareness regarding my overall health. When I lost weight in the past, I didn't care what chemicals or processed foods I consumed as long as they were low in fat and calories. That is not the right way to get healthy, and as I shared with Alison recently, shopping at a natural foods market, buying locally grown produce and meats, and having a heightened conscience about not only what I'm putting in my body but the cost of my food on the environment, makes me feel like a better person. I feel like I'm caring about the bigger picture, beyond ME, and looking at the total impact of the choices I make daily.

I'm sure my Dad thinks I'm turning into a hippy for saying that - LOL - but that's how I feel! :)

Today I'm picking up a breadmaker I found on Craigslist for $10. I'm going to buy some type of shelving for my kitchen or in the hallway by the kitchen (My Mom will be jumping up and down for joy, as she's been hounding me about this since I moved in!), so that I have a place for my new breadmaker, the coffee maker that we only use when we have company, the crockpot, the food I buy in bulk, and all the other kitchen items that are currently in the guest bedroom.

I am looking forward to reorganizing the guest bedroom today, and the next step of that process will be to paint all the furniture in it white. I may or may not tackle that piece of the project today. The furniture in it is still new, but I'm not wild about the color, and I'd like the room to have a more beach/vacation feel to it, so I think white will be a good step in that direction. I am not wild about the carpet in that room either, but that will be a project for another day. I think I would like to replace it with a light colored hard woodflooring to go with the beach theme.

I am so glad it's the weekend! Today is my day for project work (and apple picking!!) and tomorrow is my day to get caught up on work. I guess that doesn't sound fun for the weekend, but I will be sure to fit fun in. We went to see a movie last night, and that was fun, we're going apple picking today, and tonight we're going to have a BBQ, so that will be fun, and tomorrow I'm sure we'll do something fun too.

Oh yes, health updates: my CT scan came back fine, but my knee xray came back funky. It's not broken, but it's injured - there is degenerative something going on, and it's filled with fluid. I'm supposed to baby it and see if it gets better in the next few days, and if not, see an orthopedist. My MD thinks that if I hadn't gone biking and hiking and up and down the stairs so much, it would probably be better by now. I hope that's the case, because I don't want knee problems forever!

A short walk up a steep hill

Okay...not quite *that* steep. ;-)

There is a fairly steep hill at CSEMC leading from the cafeteria to the office building I work in. In the past, I would go over the river and through the woods to avoid this hill. I had a route mapped out from that area of the campus to my office that was the easiest possible route, though it was longer.

There were a few times I had to walk up that hill because I was meeting with someone and we were walking together, and I would never want to disclose what a load I was (as if they couldn't tell- LOL), so I would huff and puff and wheeze my way to the top of the hill, praying they would carry the conversation because there was no way I could talk - it would send me into an asthma attack each time.

I haven't attempted that hill in over a year. I'm just used to avoiding it, so it never occurs to me to use it. Today, I had some unplanned events arise in my schedule, and I found myself walking up that hill with a colleague. I had absolutely no trouble at all, and I couldn't believe that I used to have such a struggle with that hill!

When we arrived in the conference room, a young woman on my team, who appears to be in excellent shape, mused that she was horrified that walking up that hill made her winded. I told her I couldn't believe it, because for me, it was the first time it didn't make me winded! What an awesome NSV! First, the hill, and then, the feeling that my lungs may be in better shape than someone who is much thinner than I am, thanks to all the benefits of exercise!

That is exciting for me.

I wore my black suit again today, and I had a lot of comments about how much weight I'd lost. That is always nice. Someone asked me how much weight I was up to now, and I told her I was down about 160. She knows I was at 150 6 week ago, so to lose under 10 lbs in 6 weeks is slow for me at least. She asked me if it was frustrating to be on a plateau since I'm still working so hard, and as I shared with her, it honestly isn't.

I feel fantastic. The weight isn't coming off as fast as it was, but my body continues to shrink, and I continue to have NSVs that just propel me forward. This is a new way of life for me. I'm not on a diet that I'm going to go off. This is it. I'm someone who eats healthy and exercises for the overall good of my health. My weight will fall in line.

If I don't start losing again within the next few weeks, I'll meet with my MD and nutritionists to see if they have any advice, but it takes the body a while to adjust to a major loss like the one I have had, and I'm okay with that. Progress, not perfection. :)

Where did the water go?

Our lake is a dammed up section of a 54 mile river with many lakes along it in NH. Due to the storms last week, the boards broke, and the water is *really* low right now. My boat is sitting in the mud, I think. I moved it to the end of the dock at the beginning of the week, but the water keeps getting lower and lower.

I didn't end up kayaking last night because when I was cooking, I realized my arms were still sore. They are still a bit sore today, but I plan to go to the gym at some point anyway. I have to head into Boston shortly, but I feel like I have accomplished a lot today already. It's 7:30 and I paid all of my bills, Darcy's bills and my grandmother's bills. It's a lot of bills to pay, and it takes a while, so I'm glad that is done!

I also got some work done this AM, so I feel well prepared for my day. I was hoping to spend some time boating this weekend, but I can't if the water doesn't come up! I can still kayak though! I'm looking forward to a busy and productive weekend!

I still have no change in the scale. Wednesday I ate just under 500 calories and yesterday I was just under 800. I have a business lunch again today, so I'll do my best, but it's never ideal. I'd like to keep it closer to 600 for today, but that may not be possible. I'll do my best!

What's in your cart?

I got home earlier than planned, so I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items. Since I now buy my produce and meats at the natural foods market (or a local farm for veggies), I have to shop at different stores to get everything I need. Hannaford and Shaws sell some of the same items that my natural foods store sells for less, so I buy those items there.

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I haven't gone completely healthy yet, because I'm trying to lose weight, so I still take some short cuts, such as the fat free italian dressing. That can't be good for you - dressing IS fat! Oy, but I'm making lots of good changes, and I'll get there. When I'm done losing and I start maintaining, I plan to take even fewer shortcuts, and hopefully, someday, I will eat all whole foods.

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What's in my cart today? FF Italian Dressing, chicken sausage (for my roasted vegetable, sausage and orzo that I'll be making this weekend - YUM), cat food, pickles (should have skipped the pickles), Joseph's flax tortillas and mini pitas, a Kashi frozen dinner for a pinch, Kashi multigrain strawberry waffles, sugar free syrup (made with splenda), cat food, multigrain cherrios, and water.

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If you showed me that cart full a year ago, I would have been extremely depressed if you told me that was my future. LOL - it's funny how we change. On Saturday, I'm going to the customer appreciation day at my natural foods market, and then I will pick up my dairy, meats and veggies.

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Tonight we are having grass fed marinated steak tips on the grill with sliced grilled (also marinated) zucchini. I love this meal. I'm going to come in just under my daily allowance of 800 calories for today. It's been a hungry day for me, so I'm glad I stuck to my plan.

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After dinner, I'm going kayaking. My arms are still sore, but much better than the AM, so I'll be fine. I am hoping D will join me, but she's tired, so I doubt it.

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Enjoy your dinner! :)

Grades are in

It must be a miracle, but I got A's in both of the classes I just finished. Getting an A is not surprising to me, since I usually get A's, but these classes were so intensive because they were crammed into 8 weeks, and I was *so* busy that I'm just surprised, but pleasantly so.

I finally figured out my plan for classes for the fall semester. I've been so busy, and I have an opportunity to start another side project which I would love to do, but I need to finish up with my undergrad too. I'm going to be very busy in these next few months, but I didn't want to take time off from classes, so I'm taking two in person classes that I think will work well for me: one class meets every Monday night from 6 - 9:30 PM in Concord, and it is a watercolor class! How fun! I still needed an art requirement. The other class is a higher level management class, but it only meets one Friday night and two full weekends (all day Saturday and all day Sunday).

The weekends that I have to spend the entire time in school will not be fun, but at least I will be able to get the class over with without it being an interruption to my weekly schedule. I will have homework to do on my own, but I can fit it in when it works best for me, rather than completing weekly assignments.

I need to continue to try to balance my health with all of my other priorities. I wanted to go to the gym this AM, but there was nothing for me to do since my knee is out of commission and I did upper body yesterday. I'm really hoping the xray tells us something or that I'm somehow on the road to recovery because I need to get back into my full routine.

I kept my calories low yesterday, as planned. I think I landed at 482 which was lower than planned, but today will be challenging and I'm ordering lunch for an off site, and restaurant food is almost never ideal. My arms are pretty sore from my work out yesterday, but I'm hoping by tonight they will be less sore so that I can at least go kayaking.

I'm craving Margherita pizza. I need to get over it. :)

Heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

LOL. This is for all of you who have been begging to see me in a dress. This would be the closest thing you will ever see to that! :)

Hey skinny people, here is another fat person secret: when you're fat, they have to take johnny's out of a special stash for you, and they give you two to wear to be fully covered. I was pleased to receive a normal johnny today at the hospital, as well as only one. What a victory. ;-)

The barium was nasty, but that's in the past. I drank it all like a good girl... I had the knee xray first, so hopefully we'll know what's up with that soon. After that, I had the CT scan. It wasn't bad, although that iodine they pump into your bloodstream sure feels funny.

I felt a little crampy after, but I'm fine now, and I hope to have the results tomorrow, but we shall see.

Wimpy work out

I'm working from home this AM until my test, so I went to the gym at 6AM to get that out of the way. I hadn't been to the gym in a while because I was sick, and then I had been working out outside. It was actually good to be back, and I love getting it out of the way first thing. I was feeling a little weak today, and I didn't want to overdo it since I can't eat or drink anything until this afternoon. I did upper body, and although I was on much lower weights than usual, I could feel the burn.

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My arms must not be used to those exercises since I haven't done them in a while. My right elbow was bothering me (which happens from time to time due to my unlar tunnel syndrome - a/k/a too much typing, cell phone use and video game playing when I was younger) so I relied on my weaker left arm for a lot of the exercises. I think that's another reason why I had to go lower on the weights.

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My knee is still bothering me, and I'm going to call my MD this morning to see if I can get an xray of my knee taken today at the hospital since I have to go to radiology anyway. I need to get it fixed because I'm so limited in what I can do, especially for cardio, with a creaky swollen knee.

Last night was exciting. I got home from work just before 8, I worked until a bit after 9, and I watched a TV show after to unwind, while I drank my barium. My next dose is 9:30. It took me about 20 minutes to get through the first 10 oz. I'm looking forward to getting this behind me. I'm glad it's sunny today, though! That always makes everything better.

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Today is another busy day - I'll work from home from 7 - 10:30 when I leave for my appt at 11:30 in Melrose. After that, I'm heading into Boston where I will be until at least 5:30. On my way home, I have an appointment with my advisor for school to sign up for classes. I had it wrong. I only have one week off between classes. They start again next week. I should be home at 7, unfortunately, as I hate to eat that late, but I don't like to eat out either, so I don't have many options on a day like today.

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This will be a good day to kick off my reduced calorie intake, since I can't eat until the afternoon. That's a reminder! I need to bring a lunch so that I'm not forced to buy something that's never very healthy. Once I get home tonight, I'll have more work to do, but at least my work out is out of the way.

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Tomorrow shouldn't be quite as crazy. Is it Friday yet?

:)

Barium goodness

I'm having some CT test done tomorrow, and I have to drink two of these first. I've had tests with barium before, and we do not get along. Barium makes me extremely queasy, and I've never had to drink 30 oz of it before. Gross! What's worse is that I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything 30 minutes prior to my first dose, which is this evening.

I don't mind not eating anything, but I can't imagine not having any water from tonight until noon tomorrow! I drink water and crystal light constantly! Also, I did some research online, and not every hospital restricts water consumption with this test. I'm going to call radiology in the AM and see if I can finagle a bagel and convince them to let me have a drink.

I was unaware of this, but apparently I'm supposed to wear comfortable clothing for the test. This is highly annoying as I need to have a suit on tomorrow, and I *know* that they'll put me in a johnny when I get there, but just in case, I'll have to go with something loose fitting and find a place to suit up between the hospital and my office. I should have just taken the day off. Apparently you can have a bad reaction to this kind of testing, so they may require that you stay 15-20 minutes after to ensure you are okay. Grrr....

I don't exactly remember what this test is for, but I believe it's related to my MD's concern over my anemia. I'm not sure why she's concerned. I've consistently gotten better over the past few months, and I am now at the very beginning end of the safe zone. Apparently, that still concerns her, so I guess I'm better off safe than sorry. I wouldn't want to cause my MD any anxiety... ;-) She is actually extremely sweet, and I think she may be more concerned about my health than my own mother is. (Just kidding, Mom!)

Wish me luck - I feel sick at the very thought of this whole process. I'm usually not a baby at all, but I have a ridiculously sensitive stomach, and I know that barium makes me get sick. I don't know how I'm going to chug 10 oz before bed tonight, 10 oz when I get up, and 10 oz on my way to the test. I'm going to stop thinking about it. That's what I'm going to do. :)

Not your average restaurant

I had a business lunch today, and we went to Not Your Average Joe's. I love that place. I was hoping it would be cancelled because the things I love there are so naughty, such as their delicious bread and oil dip, and everything else on the menu. It wasn't cancelled, so I went. I did have one piece of bread, and it was fantastic.

I ordered the mustard crusted chicken for lunch. It's a 5 oz piece of chicken breast, marinated in different mustard sauces, and then baked with panko crumbs. It's phenomenal. It comes with a side of garlic mashed potatoes as well as a generous portion of green beans. I ate a little less than half of the chicken, as I was full from the piece of bread. I also had about a quarter of a cup of mashed potatoes, and I ate all of my green beans.

I have no idea how many calories I ate. I already gave my best estimation when I logged them into fitday just now, but I have emailed the restaurant to get the specific nutrition information. I'll be interested to compare my estimation with the cold hard reality. :)

This restaurant is a casual restaurant with very reasonable prices, but it just stands out to me as different from other restaurants in it's class. The food is tastier, better quality, and it doesn't feel like you're sitting at a Friday's or Applebees or other inexpensive chain. As I was leaving, it was raining out, and the host offered to walk me to my car with an umbrella. I can't imagine that happening at the 99 or Friendly's! :) (Obviously, I declined.)

It was a delicious lunch, and I'm having salad for dinner!

I haven't had a change in my weight. I postponed my fill because I cannot leave work this afternoon, so I'll be going next week instead. Next week works better for me anyway. This is another busy week for me, and I'll be on the road a lot - I'm going to do my best to make sure to exercise and plan healthy meals.

I have been averaging 1000 calories per day for as long as I haven't been losing. I think my body was used to the 600 - 700 calories per day, and now it's more maintaining. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to eat 600-800 calories per day with one day per week of 1200 - 1400 to spike my metabolism. We'll see if that gets me past this hump.

The snowball is rolling...

As I've mentioned, we bought this house furnished, and this entertainment center was one of the pieces included. It was fairly expensive and it's great quality but it's not really my style. Also, I have a new project in mind, and I would need to remove this piece of furniture to accomplish it.

Now that I had such success with the garage cleaning, and felt the wonderful feeling of accomplishment and serenity at having organized one little piece of my life, combined with the fact that my new body allows me to do whatever I want, apparently, I have a laundry list of projects I want to take on now! Yes, my next "project" will be to re-organize the guest bedroom, but on a more exciting note, I have decided to construct a third bedroom.

The house has a decent sized master bedroom, with a perfectly appropriate sized guest bedroom, but the rest of the house is a giant open space. Other than the bathroom and guest bedroom downstairs, it is all wide open and open concept, and the same is true of the upstairs, with the exception of the master bedroom and master bath. The upstairs has a second living area with a balcony overlooking the living area on the first floor. It is a *fantastic* space for entertaining, but it's not very practical.

I do not need two giant living areas for us. I need a second shower (as the current one is in the master bath), and I need another bedroom. Both of those will help with the resale value, as well as add practicality while we are here. The best spot for the third bedroom will be in the upstairs living area. It would be a very small bedroom, but a small third is better than no third. I measured it, and if I split the space up, it would be a 13x8.5 bedroom, and a 13x7.5 living area.

I can sell the entertainment center on Craigslist and buy a flat screen tv to mount on the bedroom wall that I'll build, so that will save a ton of space. We can just hook our Wii up to the downstairs TV so that we'll have more space to move around, since 13x7.5 wouldn't be enough room. We currently have 2 couches and one big leather oversized chair in this area, and we would just get rid of one of the couches. I haven't built any framework in a house before, and I have never hung drywall, but I think I could manage both, especially with the help of my wonderful boys in the hood.

Bruno is one of my neighbors, and he is very ambitious. He has his own company that is successful, and he is constantly working on projects at his house. He does great work. Now that I have my life back, I would like to be more like Bruno, constantly working hard to upgrade my home and living spaces. It creates such a feeling of satisfaction.

Today for exercise, I plan to go kayaking and either hiking or biking. It's a beautiful day!

Busy Saturday

We had a busy day yesterday, but we did make time to go raspberry picking! The place we went was loaded with berries, so it didn't take us long to pick 4 quarts!

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Yesterday AM, I worked from about 6:30 -10:30 when we got ready to go take my grandmother to lunch. Part of that time was spent transferring my phone numbers and pictures from my old phone to my new phone, as I switched services this week. That's always fun.

We had a nice lunch with my grandmother, and we ran some errands and dropped her off. On the way home, we stopped to do the raspberry picking. It was my first time, and it was so much fun. I love doing silly little nature things. I always have. I know that picking raspberries or apples is such a basic thing, but I always find it to be a special experience, and yesterday was no exception.

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At least I ended up taking berries home, unlike my 3 year old nephew Ben. My mom took him blueberry picking a few weeks ago (fruit is is FAVORITE food), and the whole time he was picking blueberries, he was saying "one for me, and one for the bucket." All in all, he ended up with about two blueberries in his bucket, so I think he actually just ate every single one he picked! (Don't worry, they weren't stealing - he was picking berries at my Mom's friend's house.) .

We stopped by the batting cages after the raspberry picking, but we decided to skip it because my back was hurting. I think I may have pulled something with my lightening fast kayaking on Friday. ;-)

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Next up, we had errands to run. We stopped by home depot and took care of a few things that had been outstanding, and then we went to BJ's to get food for Darcy's sister's shower. After that, we came home and I made healthy pizza's for dinner, using the Joseph's whole grain flax pita pockets, fresh tomato and basil and part skim buffalo mozzarella. Yum!

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After that, we decided to take it easy and we watched a few movies and called it a night. It is good to have down time once in a while!

Much better!

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It's been a long time since I really noticed the difference of my weight loss. I noticed profound differences after 30, 50, 80, 100+ lbs, but I haven't noticed much of a difference in a while. Obviously, everything is completely different from where I was this time last year, but I get used to it. I noticed two differences today, however.

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While I was cleaning out the garage, I decided to move our bicycles to the shed, but I took mine out for a quick spin. I only went a mile because my knee is still a bit funky, but I noticed that I didn't have as much trouble breathing going up the hills as I did a few months ago. I haven't been on my bike in a while, and I still have asthma and allergies, but every bit I drop will help relieve some of the strain on my lungs. I never rode without my inhaler before, and I would use it at least one time going up each hill, but I didn't need to this time!

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The second thing I noticed was more of a "wow" difference compared to when I was at my heaviest. I was never a lazy person, although when I was as fat as I had become, it was sometimes hard to even move or stand. Everyone hurts their back or neck or knees at some point in life, but if you have extra weight, it amplifies the injuries tremendously. My back was useless, and I couldn't do projects around the house in a timely fashion, as much as I tried.

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I would give myself aggressive deadlines to finish household projects, and I could never meet them. I kept forgetting how difficult it was for me to move and be on my feet constantly. Now, I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. As you could probably see in the before picture of the garage this morning, it was a giant mess. You couldn't walk through it at all, and you couldn't even really step foot into it without climbing over things. It was going to be a major project, and I was working on it alone, so I was hoping I could finish it today, but I was fully prepared to have to finish it another day. After all, I was sorting through everything, and reorganizing tons of stuff. It wasn't just moving a few things around and throwing a few things out.

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All in all it took me about 5 hours of straight lifting, moving, packing, etc, minus my very quick bike ride and a drive to the store to pick up some stuff to label my bins. I was on my feet the whole time, and moving quite quickly. I put my iPod on and grooved to the tunes while I organized. I am very impressed with myself for doing that all in a number of hours, when it would have been a 2 full day project for me last year. It is a great feeling to know that household projects are not as daunting as they were in the past, and that I can do a fairly decent sized project, and be done with the whole afternoon and night to spare!

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My body is tired and my feet are aching, so I'm not exactly the energizer bunny quite yet, but I did it. :) I'm going to relax for a while and have a little lunch. I will probably stop by Billy and Lanie's to say hi during the Pats game, and then I'll come back to get some work done.

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Now that the garage is done, and I have room to store more things in there (!!!, very exciting for me,), next weekend my project will be the guest bedroom. We have used this room as overflow storage, and there are a lot of things in there we can move to the garage. I'm looking forward to getting that done as well!

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It's nice to have my life back, even for the days when I use it to do chores.

Strange Day

The sky looks slightly ominous. I'm not sure if the rain has stopped - by the looks of the clouds, I would guess it hasn't. Today Darcy has her sister's wedding shower, which I have been excused from due to my overall disdain for such functions (disclaimer: though I love her sister and family, and I hope they have a special day) as well my increasingly busy schedule. I plan to spend a fair part of the day working.
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As I mentioned in the past, it is easy to let the "little" things in life get away when you are so busy with the "big" things. My house has been a thorn in my side for months now. With my schedule, as well as our summer entertaining schedule, I do not have time to really get ahead with organizing the house. Keeping up with the cleaning is about as far as we can get, and even that doesn't happen all the time, which makes me mental.
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I have *no* regrets about all the wonderful sunny days I spent out on the water, but I am also excited that today is a bit of a gross day because I can finally start to organize the house, starting in the garage, as planned (pictured below:)

Yes, I have my work cut out. I want to start on the garage this AM while it's not raining. I can work later when/if it starts raining again, and I can even work in the garage when it's raining, but right now, I'm pulling out all of the junk that I'm taking to the dump. (Does anyone have a truck I can borrow? Pretty please?? :))

Yesterday afternoon, Darcy and I went to home depot and we bought some shelving for the garage. I'm hoping it helps. Our house has NO storage, and we only have a one car garage, so it's really really hard to keep it organized as well as to use the space effectively. It's a bit overwhelming as well, since we have to not only fit all of our storage items in there, but also a motorcycle, two bikes, an inflatable hot tub, lawn mower, weed wacker, leaf blower...you get the idea.

Also, the man we purchased the house from left several items in the garage when he moved out, and we never really got rid of his junk either. It was a weekend home for us originally, and we paid a little extra to buy the place furnished, so we moved in with a suitcase in the winter. We slowly accumulated things, and they ended up in the garage, but we never cleaned it out initially, which is step one of the problem.

Wish me luck! (I'm hoping to burn some calories!)

Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I was so happy to be down 2 lbs yesterday after not losing in so long, but today I was up like 5! I don't know how that's possible, and I can only assume it's a fluke, but it's still very annoying. I was within my calories yesterday, and I worked out - twice!

Well, I climbed Rock Rimmon twice and then I kayaked to cupcake island. This time, the trip to cupcake and back was only 32 minutes, 8 minutes shorter than the day before. I have a slow kayak which I enjoy because it's very easy to maneuver, and it's a better work out than a cruising one, but Lanie and Billy have one that really cruises, so I may have to borrow that from time to time, so I can go the whole length of the lake and back. That would be cool!

Anyway, my weight always fluctuates, so this is nothing new for me. I've never seen anyone's weight fluctuate like mine. I'm sure it will all be gone tomorrow, but it's just annoying! :)

It's a rainy gross day in New Hampshire. I heard all week it was supposed to be nice during the day, and then raining in the late afternoon, but it was all lies, I tell you! I may have overworked my knee hiking yesterday because it's been a bit off, so I'm hoping to go swimming today for my cardio. Oh, Lanie!!!!!!! (She's going to get us a 14 day pass to evaluate her gym that has a pool. Technically, they just let their members use the gym of a nearby hotel, which would not be convenient if I were actually working out there, but since I already have a gym to work out in, I don't mind that at all. I want to make sure it's a place I can do laps in though!)

I finished all my schoolwork yesterday - thank goodness. I'm so glad to have two weeks off. I woke up at 6:30 this AM, and I've been doing work, which I will continue to do for the next few hours while D is sleeping, and then we are off to see my grandmother.

Have a wonderful rainy day.

A nice little hike in 95 degree weather

Of course, on one of my busiest days, I lost my internet connection - I was working from home today, crusing along, and then I was dead in the water. That's okay, I wanted to take a break at some point to get my work out in, so I packed up my lap top, threw on my sneakers and headed to Rock Rimmon.

I climbed it twice, and it took me just over a half hour. It was HOT out, so I really felt like I got a good work out in. At some points, I was jogging, which was fun, because I had an iPod with me! TJ loaned me his iPod shuffle until I can fine mine, and it's been wonderful to have!

My knee is still bothering me, and I hope I didn't hurt it, because it was soooo nice to be outside and hiking again! If I have time later, I'm going to continue my work out. I can't decide if I'll go to the gym or go for a brisk kayaking tour. I'm thinking kayaking. I will murder myself this winter when I'm snowed in thinking back to one of the nicest days of the year when I chose to work out inside rather than outside. That's just plain silly. Kayaking like I did yesterday is a fantastic work out, so I guess my mind is made up!

Right now, I'm working at Panera. Sometimes when I work from home, I work from Panera for part of the day. It's a nice change of pace, even though it's often driven by me losing my internet access. I always get the low fat strawberry yogurt smoothie. It has 240 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 3 grams of fiber and 5 grams of protein. So, it's high in calories, but I don't have them often, and I only get them so that I can get my yogurt in. I hate yogurt, but I know it's important. Now I'm up to 687 calories for the day, and I'll have plenty left for dinner.

I had a grass fed beef (all beef) hotdog for lunch today. It was good! I bought them last week at my health foods store, but I hadn't tried them until today. I ate it on a joseph's flax tortilla with some ketchup and mustard.

I chose the Panera on South Willow St. so I could stop by my health foods store on the way back. I need to pick up some meats for the weekend. I'm thinking a delmonico steak and pork chops. This grass fed meat is sooooo good. I am a bit embarrassed, however. Brooke went to Oklahoma and she brought me back a T shirt that says "In Oklahoma," and then below it is a picture of the state with a cow upside down in the middle of it, and the back of the shirt says, "Nothing tips like a cow."

It's funny/obnoxious (much like myself), but here I am going into a crunchy hippy foods store with a t shirt making fun of cow tipping.

Oh well. Love me or leave me. ;0)

Stay cool!

Oh, thank heavens

This is what I had for dinner last night. Kidding! This is a picture of a 32 oz prime rib. Can you imagine? Sadly, I'm sure I could have polished that off with a smile last year. God bless me. ;-)

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I finally lost 2 lbs! After as long as it's been, 2 lbs doesn't seem like much, but when you look at that slab o' steak, it does! I'm glad I lost a fat greasy steak! Who needed it! So now I'm down 158, 19 lbs away from losing TJ.

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It's going to be a very busy day, but I'm hoping to get to the gym *and* Rock Rimmon. It would be awesome if I could be down another 2 by the time I have my fill on Tuesday. I'd like to be down an even 160. That would be sweet.

A little late with the blog today!

Soooorrry!

I was on the road for 4.5 hrs today, and I needed to get as much as I could done before leaving the house. I got back home around 4ish, and I worked until 6:30. I've been on a plateau for what seems like forever now, and I need to do my best to exercise every day. I kayaked on Tuesday, but I missed working out yesterday (since I was working until 9 with the "break" of a lake association meeting) so I was determined to get some form of exercise in today. I kayaked out to cupcake island, which is the farthest I've ever gone. I was rowing hard the entire way, and it only took me about 40 minutes round trip, but I was sweating! (ew)

I took this picture of the sun setting with from my kayak. Every time I stopped paddling, my kayak started spinning around because I was going fast, so I kept missing it. That's why it's already set in the picture above, but you still get the idea. What a wonderful way to get in cardio, as well as a good workout for arms and back! I want to go hiking tomorrow.

I'm living through my very busy week. I've postponed tomorrow's root canal because I just can't afford to spend time doing that when I have so much else on my plate. I took one of my finals, and I did well, so that is good. Tonight I plan to work on my two research papers, and hopefully, if all goes well, I'll be done at a reasonable hour tomorrow night.

I do have work I need to do this weekend, but that's okay, after tomorrow I will be out of the woods for a little bit at least. Saturday we are taking my grandmother out to lunch and to run some errands, and after that I want to pick something...It's a little soon for apples, but raspberries are still around, so that may be fun. There is a batting cage on the way back from my grandmother's house too, so I'd like to stop there as well.

I'm going to do my best to try to find active things to do on the weekends, now that summer is (allegedly) ending, but I'm going to spend as much time on and in the water as possible too!

Oh yes, I have a fill scheduled for next Tuesday. I'm really hoping to lose some weight before then, but if not, not. Life moves on. I'm doing the right things, and I will reach my goals whenever I do. :)

Kitty Lap Band

I know I've blogged about the kitty lap band before, but I must do so again. My fat cat (not pictured above) truly has an eating disorder. We have had him on a diet for quite some time, and he's experienced his own NSV's: able to clean himself again, able to jump up on the couch without falling back halfway up, etc... If it were up to him, he would look like the cat pictured above.

There is something *seriously* wrong with him.

Last night, Darcy and I were watching tv and we heard a really weird scratching noise on the floor downstairs. It wasn't his usual slow saunter, or even his scurried paw screeches from thinking he's being fed...this was entirely different. Darcy went downstairs to check it out, and she said, "You have to come here RIGHT now!," as she started wheezing from laughing so hard.

Our fat little kitty had managed to get a small plastic bag from the garbage that had some type of meat in it, stuck on his head. His entire face was stuck in the plastic bag, and he couldn't get it out. I wanted to get my camera, but he was clearly about to suffocate, so we took the bag off the stoop's head, and he ran under the table to hide in shame.

Seriously - what is wrong with him?!

I needed to stop by my grandmother's house on the way home from work last night, and on my way home from her house, I stopped by a farm stand and picked up fresh zucchini and corn. I marinated the zucchini in fat free italian dressing with a tiny bit of low sodium soy sauce and I grilled it in thick slices on the grill with our marinated steak tips. Dinner was delicious.

I had a bunch of work to do still, but I wanted to get some exercise in, so I went kayaking for a half hour. I would have liked to have gone longer, but I didn't have a ton of time. I made the workout count, though. I paddled hard and I didn't stop at all. My arms were sore, but it was such a wonderful way to get some exercise in.

When I came back to the house, I continued working until 9PM. I should have/could have gone longer, but I have a rule about not working past 9. We watched a little TV and then went to bed.

Today has already been a very busy day, and it will continue to be so into the night. I'm in Boston, and I have to leave right at 5 to try to get to a lake association meeting for 6:30. After that, I need to get some homework done, as classes end on Friday, and I will have more work to do as well. I'm trying to figure out when to get my work out in today...

Tomorrow I'm heading to Fall River in the AM, and then I have an afternoon meeting in the South Shore. I'm hoping to be home fairly early so that I can make more of a dent into my homework. Friday morning, I have a root canal (who has time for this stuff), then work, then finishing up my work for school. I'm looking forward to the weekend!

525,600 minutes

Today is kind of my one year anniversary of this blog. Feel free to send presents. LOL - J/K.

I say kind of because technically it was September 4th of 2007, but it was the day after Labor Day when it all began, and for 2008, that day is today. I was a month away from surgery, and I was starting my liquid diet. That was not fun, although the whole process was very exciting for me.

I knew that I was as fat as I was ever going to be, and that starting then, I would be taking steps to lose weight that I would keep off for life. My life was going to be changing dramatically, for the better. I felt hopeful.

One year later, I continue to feel hopeful. I'm in the home stretch of this journey. I still have a ways to go, and the last leg of the weight loss part of this journey will probably be the most difficult, but I'm not in a rush. I'm comfortable right now, and my weight no longer limits me from doing anything. What a change. I will be at goal soon enough.

I remember the first time I was able to cross my legs, or kneel comfortably, or tie my shoes while sitting down. I remember the first time I noticed the steering wheel that used to be pressed against was now 2 then 3 then 5 then 7 then 8 inches away from me! I remember when I noticed that my back didn't hurt walking long distances anymore, and that I was now a person who was able to hike! I remember getting on a bike for the first time in ages, and feeling so alive as I breezed down the hills.

I remember the first time I was able to buy an extra large sized shirt, and how normal I felt at the time. I remember when I finally fit into pants smaller than my dads, and then three sizes smaller. I remember the first time I noticed my mind transforming from that of a fat person to that of a healthier person. I noticed my instincts changing. I remember the first time I saw a picture of myself and I didn't recognize myself. I remember the first time I looked in a mirror and couldn't believe how narrow my shoulders were.

I remember the first time I was able to sit indian style in a chair or period! I remember the first time I felt comfortable having my picture taken, or seeing pictures of me that I had not staged! I remember the first time I was able to be comfortable in coach. I remember the first time I noticed that I had a lap!

I remember so many little things that have been so big to me, but most, I remember the transformation of feeling as though I had been freed from the prison of my body and I was now free to roam about the world.

This year has been amazing, and I have had many milestones, from losing 35 lbs the first month, to losing a small gymnast by early 2008, to a grown man (fit, but grown) this summer. I'm close to 160 lbs lost, and I'd like to get to 200 lbs lost eventually. I have had hiccups in the road, sicknesses, not the best planning, life, but the point is I know to keep plugging away. I'm not sprinting to the finish line. I am smelling the roses along the way because life doesn't start once you reach your goals. Life is enhanced by positive changes, certainly, but we can't wait until [insert hang up/goal/milestone/etc...] to start living.

Life is the stuff we do every day. I am going to try to keep making each day count.

Great weekend

Friday night we went to Jimmy's for a bon fire.


That's not Jimmy's actual fire, but it's not that far off. ;-) Jimmy is quite a fire starter. Our friend TJ (a different TJ than the one I usually mention. that TJ enters this blog a bit later) came by on his Rhino:


This thing is a cross between a four wheeler and a golf cart. It's much safer and more agile and powerful than a four wheeler. I went out with TJ on this once and Darcy missed out, so he took us both out on Friday night. I was in the back part sitting indian style the whole time. We went through the trails and up to the top of Rock Rimmon where we were able to see the whole Manchester night sky line. It was very cool and crazy fun. I want one!!!
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The next day, we went to Rita Mae's as usual, and then I came home and did some yardwork. Alison came over and we went out to cupcake. Not many people were out, and it was very relaxing. We came back and had some food and then changed into our evening attire and went back out on the boat. We tied off with some other boats at the opening, and listened to music and floated along.
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On Sunday, I woke up and realized I wanted to do something different. I texted my friend Jeff, and he invited us down to Provincetown to stay at his house. Okay!! We got ready as fast as we could (sadly, it took 90 minutes), and we were on the road by 11. We met up with Alison and drove down with her and arrived in Ptown at 2PM.

We couldn't wait to get to the beach!

We swam for a while and enjoyed the beauty of the ocean, and then we headed back to Jeff's house to get ready for the night.

There are a million fabulous restaurants in Ptown, but we were on a budget, so we went to George's where I got my favorite sub in the world. It's roast beef with cheese, mayo, lettuce and pickles toasted. I was able to eat half of it, which was very surprising. I think it's time for me to get a fill!

After that, we visited with our friend Dana, and then we took to the streets. People watching in Ptown is the best. Our friend Jeff was planning to see Suzanne Whang's comedy show, so we made plans to meet up with him for that. Jason Dudey opened for her, and I think he is just a riot. It was a nice little surprise because we didn't know she had an opener. This is me and Jason after the show. I have a picture with Michelle as well, but I look stupid in it.

20 minutes into Michelle's act, my friend Jeff tells me that she is Michelle Whang, host of HGTV's househunters. No way! I used to watch that show all the time, and it was a riot to see her funny on stage persona, because she's so proper in that show. I texted TJ, who was also in Ptown for the weekend, and said, "I am hanging out with the host of house hunters right now!" (Slight exaggeration) - he immediately texted me back and said, "No way! Michelle Whang????!!!!" LOL Of course he knew exactly who I was talking about.

After the comedy show, we met up with TJ and his crew at their friend Kirby's house. I adore TJ's friends. They are very friendly and welcoming, but they are also hilarious. Honestly, they should have a reality show or something. Especially TJ and Jen -they are ridiculously quick witted.

We had a great night with them, and we left at 7:30 Monday morning to beat the traffic. We ended up going out with the local crew to cupcake island, and then back to Jimmy's for a BBQ. We got back to our house around 6:30 at night, and Krissy and Bruno were just getting back from camping. We hadn't seen them in a while so we chilled out in our lawn chairs by the water, getting caught up with them for the next few hours.

It was still an early night, and I woke up this morning full of pep, so my very busy weekend didn't take too much out of me, which is a good thing, because now I am back to my very busy week: finals, work projects, lake association work + meeting, side project work, family stuff...I could go on and on, but I'll stop there so I can get back to it all!

Have a great week.

Yup, they are animals

Most of us like to pretend our meat isn't really from an animal. The way it's packaged and cut and prepared gets it farther and farther away from it's origin, but the same is not exactly true with my locally grown grass fed friends. As you can see in the above picture, the meats are packaged with blood in plastic bags. These are not the neat and tidy Styrofoam cushioned pre-packaged meats you buy at the supermarket. These are fresh from the farm.

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I'm not sure why, but I think it may be a good thing to be conscious of the foods we are eating. It's gross, but I'm not sure why. I am not a vegetarian, so that means I eat animals. I should embrace that fact and be thankful for the animal that gave of it's life, and I should ensure that I am eating meats that are from farms that respect their animals, and provide them with a full and healthy existence.

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I should not bury my head in the sand, as I had done up until now, and ignore the practices of the slaughterhouses that mass produce and clone my food. It's good to have a higher level of consciousness surrounding the foods we eat, but it's a hard transition. I do think it will help me continue to make healthier choices.