Liquid is just not filling for some reason

Some people I have met say the carnation instant breakfasts fill them up. I just don't get that. I mean, they do at first, but it doesn't stay with me the way regular food does. The whole point of having a lap band is so that your stomach will be able to hold less food, due to the restrictive band. Liquids go right through it the band, so it's kind of pointless.

I'm not starving or anything, but I'm hungry, and I'm not looking forward to my CIB lunch, following my CIB breakfast. I'm going to have some low sodium tomato soup with a little low fat melted cheese in it for dinner. That thought makes me happy. How lame!

The weekend is here!

It seems like it's been a crazy week. I can't pinpoint why, but it probably has to do with the fact that work has been very busy this week, and it's the last week of my intensive nutrition course, and I have a research paper due Sunday and the final exam on Monday...that could have something to do with it...

I'm ready for the weekend, even though I'm going to be very busy with my chores and school work. I'm almost hoping that Sunday is a little overcast so that I won't feel so bad about sitting in the house doing homework. I don't want to ruin everyone else's weekends, though, so I'll stop almost hoping for that. ;-)

Yesterday I sold my old boat, and I went to check it out to make sure it was okay. I realized it had filled with rain water, so I used a bucket to get a bunch of it out, but that was taking forever, so I lifted it and propped it up to drain out the back. It was very heavy, and I ended up hurting my back - not too bad, but enough that I didn't feel terrible about skipping my work out last night when Jimmy stopped by and suggested a boat ride. When I hurt my back or neck, I take it easy, so that I'm only missing one day rather than getting a bad injury and missing weeks.

My fill seems to be working, although it may be too soon to know for sure. This morning I had some watermelon, and it was making me full. It's practically just water, so that's crazy. I found these cute little mini pitas at the grocery store. They are 3-4 inches in diameter, made by Joseph's, naturally. They are made of flax, oat bran and whole wheat flour. They are only 45 calories, 1 g fat, 4 g fiber and 5 g protein. They are the perfect size for me right now.

I had one with some hummus and tabouli, and it took me about 30 minutes to be able to finish it because I kept feeling full. It's nice to feel the band working again, let me tell you! :)

Jimmy told me to get rid of my band. He said I've lost enough weight, I eat healthy and exercise now, and I can lose the rest on my own, and not have some foreign device in my body. I'd wonder if he would say the same if I had a pacemaker and my heart was suddenly seeming to be fine.

LOL

I know I have worked hard for every lb I've dropped, but the band has enabled me to get there. Why would I want to take it out when it's working so well? The difference between me and the dieters who experience a 95-98% failure rate, is the fact that I have a surgical solution to my medical problem. Surgery isn't for everyone, and I would never say that it is. There are still people who lose weight through diet and exercise and they keep it off, and that's fantastic! I tried that, many times, and I experienced a 100% failure rate. It worked for a while, and I always gained it back and then some.

People have lots of different reasons for being overweight. For me, it was my immense hunger. It made me panicked. It made me make terrible decisions. The lap band dims my hunger, and enables me to make the right decisions. If I were an emotional eater, I don't think this would have been as great of a fit for me. It would still help, but for me, it's really just about all I needed. I don't think I had food issues that made me eat so much I nearly became immobile. I think I'm a glutton, always have been, and I overdo everything - food was no exception, especially with my ridiculous appetite.

Now I'm at the other extreme with healthy living, but I've found a balance. I know that I can't be absurdly strict with myself, or it won't work long term, so I eat bad foods sometimes, and I skip exercising to go on a boat sometimes. I'm working for progress, not perfection, and I am making progress because I am not holding myself accountable for perfection. Failure is a pretty bad motivator. That's why there is no failure in my plan. There's progress, learning experiences and common sense.

New way to start my day

I'm sick of the lousy meal replacement bars that I've had lately, and eggs are getting more difficult to eat (not that I would want to eat eggs every day), so lately I've been having Cheerios for breakfast. I used to love Cheerios, and I stopped eating cereal when I discovered I was lactose intolerant about 10 years ago. I think I outgrew that allergy, and now I'm not having any trouble.

It's not the best source of fiber or anything, but I like them, and the milk is good for protein and calcium (which I do not get enough of), so what the heck! I'm in search of new ideas for breakfast foods. I'm not wild about sweet things, so that limits me.

Thank you for all the well wishes, I'm feeling much better. I will keep you posted as I learn more from my test. My lap band surgeon performs surgery to remove gallbladders as well, so if it gets to that point, I'm going through him for sure.

I haven't exercised in two days because I wasn't feeling well, but today I will make the time. It's a busy day for me, so I'm not sure what I'll do, but it will be something! :)

I'm down another 2 lbs today for a total of 133 lbs lost...forever! 2 more lbs and Carmen is GONE!

KC, back in the day...

The pics are kind of small, but if you click on them, they will expand. These pictures were taken 10 years ago, when I was 21. I'm trying to figure out how much I weighed then. I think I'm about 40-50 lbs heavier now, and Alison guesses 30-40. She's probably right, or it's 40, and we're both right.

I think when I'm the size I am in the pics above, I'll be about 20 lbs over my goal weight, but I could be very wrong too. I won't know until I get there.

Boy, am I glad to be 31 instead of 21. 21 was terrible - no money, no house, bad car situation (thanks to crash mcgee - HEATHER!! ;-)), boring job, part time student...come to think of it, the only difference between 31 and 21 is the house! Oh, and I like my job. LOL

Part of me is looking forward to being 41. I'll be even more financially stable (hopefully), this housing crisis will be long gone, and I will have unloaded my other house, I will have been at a healthy weight for 9 years, I'll be done with school, and I will have bought another property, probably in Florida or Maine, that I love to visit. I will have a lifetime of memories created in the past decade that I was able to live fully. I don't know if I'll still be living where I do now. I'd like to be living down the road in the giant house with a pool and 400 feet of water frontage, instead of the 63 feet I currently have...I don't think those people will ever move, though, and I don't blame them...

I'm not rushing to get older, but I'm perfectly fine with the thought.

Just for the taste of it...

Today I had a reunion with an old friend - Diet Coke. Many of you know that prior to being banded, I used to drink 4 liters of Diet Coke per day. I had a fierce caffeine addiction, and it was fueled by my dear friend. It took a lot of planning and time to get over my addiction, and I'm so glad I have...

...However, there's only so much water and Crystal Light a person can drink! We were told that carbonated beverages are a no-no once banded. I've heard they cause you a lot of gas in your chest that is painful, that they can stretch out your pouch, and even that they can erode your band. I've also heard that all of that is bunk, or also that it's fine to have them after 6 months.

I don't want to go back to my dependence upon soda, and in general, I'm perfectly happy with my beverage choices, but I will tell you this - I did not feel any gas or pressure in my chest when I drank the soda. It didn't quench my thirst either, so now I'm off to have some Crystal Light.

Report Card

Now that I've had this band for 8 months, I've decided to give myself a report card to grade my progress.

Nutrition A-
Exercise A-
Band friendly food choices B-
Tracking A+
Weight loss A

Am I missing anything?

For nutrition, I rated myself an A- because I make healthy choices most of the time, but I could do a little better. I have the biggest problem getting in a well rounded diet when I don't make time to grocery shop. This is an opportunity for improvement, but all in all, I'm doing well.

I rated myself an A- in exercise because I'm pretty good about exercise and being active, but I'm not perfect. I would like to consistently work out or exercise 6 times per week, and there are many times when I'm closer to 4-5. I'm going to make an effort to get that number to 6, and then maybe 7.

Band friendly choices, as I disclosed in my last blog, is an area that I'm struggling with, which is why I rated myself B-. It would be lower, but I'm truly trying. I don't eat bread or pasta or those things that we all know tend to be problem foods...I have more trouble with foods that are inconsistent. Today I had trouble eating my hard boiled eggs for breakfast. That is a first, and I know I'll try it again. Maybe if I were better about this, I wouldn't try it again, but eggs are a great source of protein, and I don't want to remove them from my diet. I have already eliminated scrambled eggs because those don't go down so well. Over easy are fine, but who wants to make over easy eggs at home with nothing on the side. That's silly. I'll get there.

I gave myself an A+ for tracking, because I still track every single thing I eat, every single day on fitday.com - the good, the bad and the ugly. I also use this blog to track my progress, and both tools have proven to be unbelievably helpful.

I know that I'm ahead of the curve for weight loss, but I think I probably could have lost even more if I had made even better food choices, and exercised even more. I'm in this for the long haul, and as I've said before, I'm striving for progress, not perfection. I'm completely happy with my A, as opposed to A+, and I'll get there either way. It's not a race.

I'm more than 2/3rds of the way done now, and it's only been since last fall. Considering all the weight I had to lose from the beginning, this is a tremendous accomplishment, and I'm really pleased with my progress. I am about 60 lbs from goal (give or take, I'll know more the closer I get). My original goal date was February '09, and I'm definitely on track to hit that. It could be as soon as November, depending on my average loss per week, but knowing the plateaus I will probably encounter as I get closer to goal, I'm sticking with my February '09 date.

I'll be thrilled to be down 150 by my one year mark (which is 19 lbs away), and the rest is just gravy. It all feels like gravy right now - even though I still have 60 lbs to lose, I feel so healthy and energetic. I am fitting into more normal sizes of clothes, my weight doesn't seem to slow me down in anyway, etc... I've already accomplished what I originally set out to do: lose weight to feel better, get healthier and look better. Now I'm just going to lose more, feel even better and look (hopefully lots) better. ;)

Big day in the city ;-)

After we dropped my dad off at Logan Airport, we went to Boston's best known tourist trap: Quincy Market and Faneuil Hall. I checked the weather report, and it was a balmy 174 degrees out. I'm just glad I lost so much weight so fast, that my body is still confused about whether or not I should be hot or cold. Even still, I was sweating quite a bit.

We started off getting a bite to eat inside Quincy Market.

It was much more crowded when we were there last night, but the picture I took with my phone didn't come out very well. The inside of Quincy Market is lined with restaurant after restaurant, as far as the eye can see. We walked up and down the entire thing because my cute mother wanted to check out every option. She decided upon a Philly Cheesesteak...in Boston...yeah, I know! ;-)

The Darce and I got Pizzeria Regina. I hadn't had that pizza since I was a kid. It's really good, and the crust is thin and crisp, so I don't have trouble getting it down...sort of... D and I each ordered 2 slices of pizza, but she said she'd eat my second piece if I couldn't, and we both knew I wouldn't be able too, but when I'm hungry, I forget how little I can eat.

I was really hungry, and I ate my first pizza, no problem. I knew I didn't have room for a second, but I had a little bit of room left, so I started eating D's leftover crust, which was thicker than the pizza I ate. It got stuck in my throat, and I had to spit it up...into Darcy's cup...at the table. She was not pleased. She was already overheating, and she had warned me that I probably wouldn't be able to eat the crust, but I ignored her because I really thought it would be okay.

I was wrong.

She told me I have to be more responsible with my band because it's not good for me to spit up food all the time. I don't spit up food all the time, but I do it more than I should. I still get confused because one day one thing is fine, and the next day, it could be a problem. I'm learning, but I do need to slow down when I'm eating. I'm actually really good about that, except when I've waited too long to eat. At that point, all rules are out the window.

I try to avoid getting to that level of hunger, but it's harder when there's extenuating circumstances. In general, I eat when I want to eat, and I don't wait for D to get home from work, etc... It's important for me to eat early in the night, as well as when I'm hungry.

My poor mother sat by quietly, staring between us as Darcy scolded me and huffed and puffed while I furnished kindergarten excuses for my behavior. Sorry, Mom! Stick around, and I'm sure you'll see a repeat performance next week!

LOL, no, I'm going to make a conscious effort to be much better about eating slower, even when I'm stahvin. I think that when D tells me to slow down or warns me that I can't eat something, I get annoyed. This is MY band. I've done the research, I read tons of online posts daily about what works and what doesn't, I've read every book on the market about the lap band, I'M a model bandster! I know deep down she's right when she says these things to me, but that annoys me more, and I end up punishing myself.

Enough of life's little lessons.

After our divine dining experience, we stopped into several cute little shops. I got Darcy a bumper sticker for her kayak that says "Warning: Irish Temper; Italian Attitude"

If you knew Darcy, you'd realize that this is a very funny bumper sticker for her, and yes, she happens to be half Irish and half Italian.

My Mom insisted that we visit the Harley Davidson store, and she posed out front with her favorite bike:

My father is probably spitting out his coffee all over his computer screen right now, laughing. My mother detests bikes, but what a good sport she is. :)

We walked around for two hours in the sweltering heat, and the we loaded our wilting selves into the car for the drive back to NH. I stopped for the girls to get an ice cream on the way home to cool them off.

Today my Mom is heading up to the beach for a week. D and I are dropping her off at a friend's house shortly, and then we are heading to the gym. It's supposed to be another day in the 90's, so I plan to spend most of the day neck deep in water!

I'm down another 2 lbs today, for a total of 131 lost. (4 lbs until I lose Carmen!) Unfortunately, this marks the beginning of a non-loss week, so I will have to savor the 6 lbs I lost this week for the next 7 days. I can make it, and who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself and lose more!

Back on track - day 2

It feels good to be on track. It's a constant battle between work, school, social life, etc... Even with 9 months of practice, I could still slip out of my routine if I didn't pay attention. It wouldn't happen drastically - it would be gradual. I'd skip working out for a week, and then I'd find myself not eating as healthy of options... I probably wouldn't notice it in my weight right away, so I wouldn't be too concerned.

Suddenly I'd realize that 2 or 3 weeks have gone by, and I haven't been working out or eating as well as I should. Now I'm afraid to step on the scale because I know I haven't been as good as I should be, and I start to bury my head in the sand. Before I know it, it's a few months later, I've gained half my weight back, and I'm depressed. Soon enough, I've gained it all back, plus some.

I know this story allllll too well. I've lived it every single time I've ever been on a weight loss program. I hope I've learned enough from my past mistakes to prevent this from happening again. The band is a wonderful tool, but there are still room for operator errors! :)

Today I took my parents to Rita Mae's for breakfast:

We just love this place, and they have the best breakfast food in town! My parents said it was the best breakfast they'd had as long as they could remember, and I'm not surprised. They take great care to buy the freshest ingredients, and they cook everything to order. I am always pleased with my experience there. I had my usual, as predicted: 2 eggs over easy with 1 slice of dry rye. My dad had 2 eggs over medium with hash browns, a grilled english muffin and corned beef hash. My mom had 2 eggs over medium with hash browns, sour dough bread and bacon. They never eat like that, and I don't think they'll even eat lunch today. They were full, but they cleaned their plates! Yum! :)

After that, the good sports that they are joined me for a work out. At breakfast, I told my Mom I was going to Pump...her up, and she looked at me with a blank stare:

Good ol' Hans and Franz. SNL used to be sooo funny...

Mom and Dad did free weights with me, and a number of machines as well. They did a great job, and they felt energized after. They were talking about joining the Y when they return to GA, and I hope they do! It will add years to their lives, or at least enjoyment to future years! Physical fitness is a free gift we should all give to ourselves.

LOL - I know that's wicked hokey, but it's so true. I feel like my physical fitness has given me a new life, and I want that for everyone I care about.

It doesn't appear to be clearing up, so our choices for the afternoon are narrowing down: art museum, movies, indoor mini golf (my dad is gagging at the thought), arcade, shopping (yeah, no), games.... We shall see!

Goodbye Apple

Relax, Gweneth's Apple is fine.

I'm talking about my dear Granny. Granny Smith.

I read on one of my band boards last week that apples are not very band friendly. The skin gets caught. Today I forgot to bring my breakfast to work, and I was really hungry, so I saw a pair of apples next to the refrigerator, and being the subtle bloak that I am, I approached the pairs owner, and said, "So, I notice you have *two* apples!"

"Do you want one?" she laughed.

"Well were you planning on eating *two* apples today?" I inquired.

"No, I forgot I already had one here - have it!!"

I did.

[Disclaimer: For those of you reading my blog who do not know me (and God bless you for finding this somehow interesting - my own Mother reads this in place of taking her ambien), I must explain that I'm really not one of *those* people. I'm not a mooch. I don't like free things. I am not cheap. I don't usually approach my coworkers begging for food, the way my cat greets all of my guests. The apple asking incident was one that occurred with a dear friend of mine, who still somehow, finds me charming and amusing. This was all in good fun.]

I crunched into the apple, and the first bite went down. Silly bandsters...I thought to myself...

I took a second bite, and it felt a little weird. I ignored it.

Third time's a charm they say... by the third bite I was making my way to the bathroom to spit it up.

It's the skin. The rest is fine, but when on earth would I have time to skin an apple?! There are plenty of other fruits that I love. I'm sorry, dear apple, but you just don't have what it takes to be the next American Id... Oh, sorry, I dozed off.

Anyway, out with the apple, in with the watermelon! Welcome summer!!

The secret to success

Smile, baby!

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Jessie Ahroni is the author of a book on the Lap Band, "Laparoscopic Adjustable Gastric Banding: Achieving Permanent Weight Loss with Minimally Invasive Surgery," and she's also an active participant in one of the many Yahoo! bandster groups I'm a member of. She's an NP, and she works with lap band patients. She was banded 10 years ago, and she's had great success. She's also worked with thousands of patients, so she has seen many people succeed and many others fail. She recently posted the following:

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"People who approach this [journey] with a smile on their face determined to succeed usually do so and they have a pleasant journey. If you're kicking and screaming all the way you won't enjoy the journey and you're less likely to get to goal."

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I think this is true of any positive transition we try to make in our lives, which is why we must truly be ready to make positive changes in order for them to last. If we are just trying because we know we should, but we don't really want to, we will not succeed.

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There are many different recipes for success, but great success must start with the right attitude. For me, my weight loss success has been the result of a great amount of planning and focus, and rearrangement of priorities, but the key factor has been my attitude. I was so very ready to start living healthy, and that energy propelled the other areas into place.

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So how do we get there? Many of us have to hit rock bottom first. It's not enough that we aren't healthy, and that it's hard to find clothes that fit...we have to have something (or a series of somethings) so horrible that we are forced to say enough is clearly enough. To make a drastic life change, the habit must no longer be worth the consequences...for some that's food or eating disorders, others it's smoking or substance abuse...

So what about the person who needs to get healthy, but who hasn't hit rock bottom. Is there any hope for them? Of course. People who haven't hit rock bottom are lucky! It will be easier for them to get back on track, because they never strayed as far off as those of us who have hit the bottom. The challenge will be to have the right attitude, and to identify whatever thought process will hardwire you for success.

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Every life can and should be lived to the fullest, and it all starts with your attitude.

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So....smile.... :)