Hungry!

My personal trainer asked me to bring in a food journal, which was no problem since I record everything in fitday. I just printed up the past 3 days (including today through the end of the day - even though the day isn't over yet, I know exactly what I'm going to eat, so I'm all set.)

On Wednesday, I think I was still full from over-eating the day before, so I was fine with my 660 calories. Yesterday, I stuck to 860, but I was hungry off and on, and especially a bit hungry at night. Today, I'm planning to consume 930 calories.

I seem to be moving in an upward direction. I'm wondering if my metabolism is making me hungry because of the work outs, or if today is just a hungrier day than the past two.

For breakfast, I had sugar free carnation instant breakfast. For snack, I had a banana, for lunch, I had a Kashi frozen meal. I've been hungry since 1:30. I just bought a diet coke to wake me up and hold me over. It's working a little bit. We aren't going to have dinner until 7 or later, so when I get home from work, I plan to have 2 oz of steak and 2 tablespoons of whole grain pilaf to hold me over. For dinner, I'll have 3 pieces of sushi and a salad with ginger (oil free) dressing.

As you can see, there are no empty calories in the mix, but still, I'm pressing up against 1000 calories for the day. I'm not going to worry about it just yet. We'll see how it goes when I step on the scale in the morning. If I'm losing by only eating essential foods when I feel hungry, I'll stick to that plan.

If I'm not losing, I'll know it's time for a fill!

Also, it took me 45 minutes to get through my lunch. I was full, but I kept eating it, slowly. I'm thinking that I should start splitting up my lunch into 2 smaller meals. Then I can probably make the food stretch longer. I'll let you know how that goes. :)

I have some weight to lose :)

I just looked at my weight chart on fitday for the past year. If I were measuring earnings, I would be in great shape, because they have been on the rise, my friends! :)

Sadly, I'm measuring weight, and my graph looks like I'm climing a mountain. There are all these ups and downs, but they hover around the same places-ish, and then there are month long gaps when apparently I didn't update my weight, and at the end of the breaks, I'm up at least 15 lbs each time. Then I start doing the daily weigh ins and the number goes down a bit, but then another lag in the weigh ins, another 15 lb spike, and we do the dance all over again.

Wasn't it George Santayana who said, "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it?"

I need to study my past so I can learn from my past. I'll take on my pre-lap band past at another time, but for now, I'm going to focus on the past two years.

I was a model lap band student for a loooong time. I hit my lowest weight in August of last year. At the same time, I started getting really sick with my gallbladder issues. I couldn't work out, I was sedentary, I ended up eating whatever foods didn't make me sick, and they weren't always the healthy ones, and I started to gain.

I knew I was gaining, and I just tried to focus on getting well, and I knew that once I had my gallbladder removed and I healed, I could focus on losing weight again. Somehow during that time period, however, I lost some of the momentum on all the great habits I had adopted. I stopped working out regularly, I stopped following the lap band guidelines...three months later when I finally started up with fitday again, I had put on probably 15 lbs.

I injured my back falling down icy stairs, signed up with a personal trainer, injured it more, and ended up being very limited on my workout for months. I couldn't work out, but I needed to focus on the food. In an effort to find a new track to be on, since I had somehow landed off of mine, I joined WW. I followed WW for three months, and gained another 15 lbs (plus or minus other gains and losses along the way).

I've been off WW for months now, and I've had a hard time getting back to the place I was when I was so focuses and the stars were aligning - I was working out regularly, eating the way I was supposed to, and losing at a good, but healthy, clip.

Averaging the 1200 calories per day wasn't doing me any favors, and I think I really need to cut that back for now, at least until my body remembers how to lose weight again. I'm going to watch my nutrients very closely, and I can't imagine that if I get enough protein, carbs, and fats in every day for 600 or 800 calories, that filling in an extra 400-600 calories with extras is going to do my body any favors. I think that when they tell us to eat 1200 calories/day - it's based upon averages that tell us that we'll get in enough protein, carbs and fats/day if we consume 1200 calories. If we can do the same for less, why not?

I've been using my band again, and listening to it. I've been eating much more slowly, and it's taking me 30 minutes to get through dinner, the way it should. I'm not coating all my food with wetness to get it in faster, which was a bad habit I had developed along the way. I'm not choosing softer foods that give me less trouble either. All of those things work against the band.

Maybe I could use a fill, maybe not - I'm going to see how it goes with me listening to my band for a week or so. If I'm not having too much trouble dropping to 600-800 calories/day, then I think the thing must still be working, and it was me that was broken, not it.

I'm down another 3+ lbs today. I started my resurgence (again) this week with a decided 80 lbs to lose. I'm down 7. I have 73 to go. That's not so bad. :)

I'm sure to some people, that sounds like a lot, but to me, it sounds just fine. I know I can do it, and I'm hoping to do it by the arbitrary date of 8/12/10 as TJ predicts. :)

Bring it on

(Sorry - I work out of a different office on Fridays, and for some reason, this computer doesn't load blogger properly, so I can't add pictures or do anything fancy. Today's picture would have been a really cool one of a very muscular guy, horizontal with one leg extended toward a punching bag. It was a kickboxing photo for those of you in the cheap seats.)

I searched online for an experienced personal trainer, and I also looked for kickboxing classes - I heard they are an amazing cardiovascular work out. As luck would have it, I found a personal trainer who specializes in kickboxing and martial arts, and she does weight loss and cardio training as well.

I met with her last night, and I signed me and Darcy up for lessons starting tomorrow morning! I can already tell this is going to be more worthwhile than my last personal trainer experience. We start off by doing a fitness analysis - she'll see how many crunches, push ups, pull ups (maybe) that we can do, how fast we can run, and just get an overall idea of where we are physically.

After the physical assessment, we will start our first workout. I think this is going to be fun. They also teach martial arts at this gym, so we'll see how kickboxing goes, but I'm thinking I'd like to try karate next. For me, it's highly important to change up my workouts. I can never be one to go on a treadmill every single day, but I am willing to find ways to burn the same amount of calories (or hopefully much more) by changing it up and doing things that are fun for me.

She will give us workouts to do between our 2x/week sessions with her as well, and she's asked us to bring in our food logs for the past few days. I know she's going to tell me I need to eat more, but the last time I added to my calories because my trainer and weight watchers told me to, I gained all this weight, so I'm not inclined to listen to that kind of advice...I'll keep an open mind.

Yesterday I was at about 850 calories for the day. I felt hungry after my swimming, so I had a pickle, a few sugar free pop ice bars (10 calories each) and some tea. It took the edge off...certainly not fun food, though. :) I won't even let myself have the weight watchers treats right now, because I'm cutting out all empty calories.

I know I can't keep this up forever, and I may have one day a week when I let myself have empty calories (not to exceed a certain amount), but I want to make sure I'm on the right track first.

It's Friday night tonight - usually we go out for dinner or hang out with friends, maybe take in a movie (with a popcorn), but it's not an active night for me...that's for sure. Tonight we are going out for sushi with the girls, and I've asked them to go to the arcade after. I'm hoping to do some pedestal jousting, laser tag, rock wall climbing, etc... I'll get my workout in before dinner, but I'm just trying to incorporate as many active things as I can into my life to develop a more active lifestyle...I type with my knee tapping... :)

For tonight's workout, it will just be a boring date with the treadmill, but if my knee is cooperating, I may start off with the elliptical. OOoh.. fun. :) It's okay - I can look forward to my butt kicking kickboxing workout tomorrow AM while I'm bored to tears on the hamster wheel. :)

A wet work out

I don't know how I did it, but it's 8PM, and I'm done for the day.  I must be forgetting something.  I left work at 4:30, successfully avoided a killer on the loose one block away (sounds crazy, I know - check out the Union Leader), met with my new personal trainer (more on that later), came home and ate a healthy dinner, went to a nearby hotel and swam laps for 40 minutes, came home and did a bunch of homework, and now I can relax and watch tv (and yet, I'm writing to you).  :)

I loved the swim.  It was hard work swimming constantly for forty minutes!  I felt really good after.  I definitely plan to enter a regular agreement with the hotel so I can use the pool whenever I want.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm really hungry.

Food, Glorious Food

I'm going back to my roots, and it's time to develop a meal plan for the next week.  We desperately need groceries, and I want to plan for success, so here goes:

Breakfast Options:
Sugar Free Carnation Instant Breakfast
Multigrain Cereal
Fruit

Lunch:
Leftovers
Kashi all-natural frozen dinners
Blakes organic frozen (mini) meals

Snacks:
Fruit
Veggies
Hummus
High fiber popcorn

Dinner:
Thursday - Teriyaki Steak with mixed veggies and TBD whole grain
Friday - Sushi and Salad with Oil free ginger dressing
Saturday - Vegetable "fried" brown rice with chicken
Sunday - Baked whole chicken with winter vegetable medley and salad
Monday - Chicken tacos
Tuesday - Chicken sausage and roasted vegetables with whole grain orzo
Wednesday - Dinner plans with friends, so probably some type of salad

I'm thankful for my Low Phat cooking blog, as it reminded me of meal ideas I hadn't had in a while!

What healthy meals will you be preparing this week?

The Biggest Loser

All the people I know who like and watch this show are thin.  I've never gotten into it, mainly because I hate reality TV, but on some level, I'm also annoyed by the unrealistic premise.  I'm not sure if this is a show that would actually motivate people to lose weight, since their methods and weight loss amounts are unattainable by most.

Making people work out for 6 hrs/day, taking tons of supplements and caffeine pills to "maximize" their workout and weight loss, and being in a cocoon cannot possibly teach the contestants, let alone the at home viewers, how to sustain long term weight loss.  It is no wonder that many of the contestants gain the weight back, and I can only imagine the shame they must feel and the lengths they must go to in order to hide their weight gain or the desperations they reach to keep the weight off...with the whole country looking.

Probably, as a big person, I don't like the fact that they lose so much weight so quickly as well.  I don't want my thinner counterparts to think there's something wrong with me because I only lose 1 or 2 or 5 lbs/week...that I'm not trying hard enough.  Call me crazy, but haven't there been about 4,000 studies that show the slower you lose the weight, the slower you will keep it off?  I don't think this is news, and it's the same thing that weight loss surgery candidates need to be wary of as well.  The faster you lose, the faster you can gain it back.

I decided to give this show a second shot - to see if I could learn something or find some motivation from it.  I had DVR'd Tuesday night's show, and I saw one of the contestants lose 15 lbs in one week, bringing his 6 week total to 87 lbs lost.  That's an average of 14.5 lbs lost each week.  Don't get me wrong, he's a big boy, but still, are we actually pretending that's healthy?  Am I just put off by all of this because I'm jealous?  LOL - maybe.  :)

As I tried to watch the show again, I was very put off by the reality show framing.  I can't stand reality TV shows, so I don't think I'll be able to get "into" watching this show weekly, but the one thing that struck me was the theme that they all pushed themselves so much harder when they had friends to work out with and a trainer pushing them.  That was the learning point for me.

I went to the gym last night, and I had kind of a lame workout.  I'm still not feeling my best, and I hadn't taken my thyroid meds in a week because I couldn't find them with the construction (I did find and take them this morning, Mom!!), and I was weak.  I also limited my calories to 660 yesterday, so perhaps that was part of it, but I honestly doubt it.  I still got 50 grams of protein in, and some good whole grains and fruits and veggies.

The last time I used the treadmill, I set it to 3.7, and I would spike it up from time to time.  My heart rate was between 140-160 which is just where it should be, and I did about 30 minutes.  Last night, my shins were killing me, my knees were wobbley, and I kept it set to 3.2, which is even lamer than 3.7.  From time to time, I would jog at 4.1 or 4.5, and at those points, my heart rate jumped to 140, but when I was at 3.2, it was down around 116 to 120 - completely lame.  My heart rate wasn't at all challenged, but I did manage to work up a decent sweat.  I put in 25 minutes on the treadmill and 10 minutes on the bike.  I wanted to do a lot more, but my body was just not functioning properly.

I did extra activity yesterday, like I talked about.  I didn't bob my knees up and down because it just didn't occur to me, but I made unscheduled trips to my car to get things I would normally wait to bring in the next day - I walked up and down all the aisles at home depot while I waited for my paint to be mixed - I went up and down the stairs at home each time I forgot something, rather than just deciding I didn't need it (LOL).

Yesterday morning, I had gained those 9 lbs back that I had just lost, since I fed my cold (far too much) on Monday and Tuesday.  That put me back at my all time high of 35 lbs above my lowest weight since banding.  Today, I was down 4 of those lbs.  I was disappointed, but then I remembered that when I gained those 9 lbs last week, it was for almost no reason at all, but when I gained those 9 lbs between Monday and Tuesday, I had done the actual damage with food.  I still have no reason to gain 9 lbs in 2 days, but my metabolism and body is completely messed up from the past few months of being crazy good and then sick and eating junk and then crazy good, and blah blah blah.  Now I just need to be crazy good.  JK - I just need to be good.

So after remembering the bad food I ate on Monday and Tuesday when I was sick, I remembered that this new 9 lbs wasn't water weight like last week, so 4 lbs in one day is perfectly respectable.  I'm not going to focus on the past few months or year.  I'm not going to constantly obsess about the fact that I'm re-losing the same weight over and over and over and over again.  I'm giving myself a clean slate.

The weight I weighed yesterday was my new high weight.  Forget all the weight I lost before.  That was forever ago.  TJ has predicted that I'll hit my goal weight by 8/12/10.  Where did this date come from?  I have absolutely no idea, but I'm hoping it's because he can tell the future.  :)  That would be cool to be at goal in 10 mos.  It's possible.  I have about 80 lbs to go to my realistic, attainable, sustainable goal weight.  8 lbs/month is on the high side, but if the biggest losers can lose 80 lbs in 6 weeks, I should be able to give it heck in 10 mos.

For yesterday, I cut out all empty calories, and it wasn't as hard as I thought.  I'm tapping my feet now...don't I look skinnier already?  ;-)

Portion Control

I had a working lunch with a colleague today.  I had my Kashi frozen meal (300 calories), and she had the smallest portion sizes I've ever seen in my life.  Her lunch consisted of one chicken wing, probably less than 1/4 cup of fried rice (she must have been having a naughty day!!) and a half cup of yogurt.  If you look at her lunch compared to mine, we probably had the same amount of calories.  Mine was healthier, and it will stay with me longer, but all I had was a frozen dinner, and still, she had about 1/3rd volume of food as I did.

I've seen her lunches before, and this wasn't an exception.  How do you get to the point where you require such a small amount of food?  She is very active, and I would say she's quite a healthy person.  Is that all we really need to eat to survive?

I've often heard we need 2000 calories/day to live, and that dieters shouldn't go below 1200 - 1500.  I also know that my MD told me that as long as I was getting in the right amount of nutrients, it was fine when I was eating 600-700 calories/day.  After all, I was getting in plenty of protein, veggies, fruits and grains.  Where did these numbers come from?  How little is too little?

I know a lot of it depends on how much you expend, and it's also a bad habit to eat too little volume if you can't sustain that level for life, because you'll just gain it back.  Still, though, have we just trained our bodies to feel like we need way more food than we really do?

I know all the literature in the US is hyperaware of eating disorders, but I'm just wondering if this 1200 calorie per day minimum is true or if it's nonsense.  1200/day certainly hasn't been doing me any favors.  LOL.  Couldn't it be that I've stored up enough energy that I can live off less for now??

Eh - we'll see.  It's just very interesting watching the habits of these thin creatures.  So far, I would say about 10% of the thin people I know/have observed embrace the healthy living eating habits I've been wired to embrace.  I'm not sure what that tells us, other than thin doesn't mean healthy, necessarily, but we already knew that...

Skinny makes the clothes look good

Brad Pitt is a cute boy, no matter what he's wearing.  I think we can all agree on that fact.  He doesn't always dress the best, though.  Last night, I saw him in the movie "The Mexican."  He had on dickies and t shirts the whole movie, but because he was so thin and in shape, every thing looked good hanging off his frame, even though the outfits were borderline janitorial.  

For us bigger folks to look good, the lighting has to be just right, the angle comes into play, the fabric has to be thick enough not to cling but not so thick that it bulks, the length has to end at just the right point, as to not draw unwanted attention to problem areas, the patterns need to work with us, not against, and the stars have to align for us to look good - if not, we end up looking like Kirstie Alley's tabloid photos.  It's not her fault - candid photos are not permitted for those of us with a BMI of greater than 25. 

I would love to look like Brad Pitt, but I don't think I'll ever be a thin person.  I think I will struggle with my weight for every day of my life, and I think if I'm lucky, I'll settle in somewhere around thick, but not lumpy, and that will be okay.  I've been given a lot of gifts, and being thin and fit just WASN'T one of them. 

However, to achieve my size 14-16 destiny, I'm going to need to work VERY hard every day...forever.  Fun!  LOL.  The lap band is not a get out of fat free card - it's a tool that can help me limit my portions, and it's also a tool that I can ignore.  It's a tool that will work for me for a limited amount of time, but probably not for longer than the first few years.  Once I get the weight off, it's up to me to keep it off.

I've gained all this weight back without even trying hard, and sticking to a 1200 calorie/day diet isn't really helping the weight come off too quickly...probably because I lost all the weight eating a 600-700 calorie/day diet.  I'm not eating double what I ate to lose the weight the first time - no *wonder* it's being so stubborn.  I talked to the MD about this yesterday, and she said I need to make up for the difference with exercise. 

She basically said that whether I eat 600 or 1200 calories/day, my fat cells will want to repopulate my body - they don't leave, they just shrink, and the only way I can keep the weight off is to work out HARD every day, or just about every day.  If I'm hiking for 30-45 mins at a good pace now, double that and push harder.  A little bit of pain is okay in my knees and my back, just be smart about it.  She recommended that I sign up with a personal trainer, which I think is a good idea.

The last trainer I had trained me right into an injury, so no more Planet Fitness 18 year old trainers for me.  I want to find someone who has done this for at least a decade.  We talked about everything I eat and the empty calories I consume.  Even if I'm generally sticking to 1200 calories/day, there are empty calories that I need to cut out for now.  She said that the hardest part to move past my (growing) plateau will be to re-lose all of the weight I gained back and get past my lowest point, but once I do that, the losing will get easier. 

I'm going to be very strict with myself for the next few weeks - cutting out empty calories, taking my vitamins, working out hard and trying to visualize a thin me.  She said that big people, even ones who are losing weight, are very different from thin people.  Big people (most often) are sedentary except when they are working out.  They watch TV more.  They sit at their desks without moving.  They think of ways to save energy, when they should be looking for ways to expend energy.  Thin people figit.  They sit at their desks and their tows tap, or their legs swing or their knees pop up and down - all of these things burn calories.  If I want to become a thin person, I need to try to mimick these habits.

She's right - TJ and I both multitask while watching TV.  I do it by working on my computer or blogging or working on a project while watching TV, and he irons and cleans and tidies.  I see the difference!  When I'm not feeling well or if I'm exhausted from working a long day, I can block out the housework I have to do and just veg out in front of the TV.  TJ is not able to do such a thing.  I can remember thinner times in my life where I was the same way.  Fat = lethargic = apathetic = fatter.

It's a cycle, and I need to look at this getting thin/ner thing in every area of my life.  It's not just a weight thing, it's a life thing.  I'm starting to get it...again...

MD Update

I have a sinus infection - I'll be on antibiotics soon, so hopefully I can't start feeling better soon.

Today

I'm down 9 lbs from 2 days ago. I think it was just a fluke, but an annoying one. I don't feel well still, any my house is in shambles. I think next week is going to be much better than this week. That's my prediction. :)

Yesterday

I had to work until 9 last night, so I didn't have dinner until I got home.  I can't believe I ate at 9:30 PM, and I was down 4 lbs from yesterday this am.  I never eat that late.

However, if I had eaten before 7 as I normally do, I probably would have been back down all the weight, seeing as though it was just some strange fluke of my idiotic metabolism.

Lanie asked about my thyroid, and I was wondering the same.  I can't imagine why else I would be so off, and in such a holding/gaining pattern for no reason.

I have an MD appointment next week, so hopefully I can address some of this stuff.  It took me 3 mos to get the appointment, so I'm hoping it's not just an intake appointment for them, because I have a laundry list of things I want to address.

I'm still not feeling well, but I haven't gotten full blown sick yet either, so I think that's a good thing...my house is in shambles with the construction and the rearranging of rooms, and there is no where to relax, which is annoying, but who has the time anyway?  ;-)

I'm thinking of taking a day off, but I don't think it makes sense to until the construction is done, and I'm not sure when that will be.  I better get back to work, because I have a full day, and then a ton of homework to do.

I hope you have a nice day.  :)

God wants me to be fat

That's what I'm starting to think.  LOL

I was in such a good groove, and I wasn't losing anything.  Then Darcy got sick, and I was super busy, so we didn't have any groceries.  I've been eating out for days now, which is never good, even with the right options. 

I've been feeling sick for the past few days/week or so, and I've been using too much salt because I can't taste anything.  I didn't weigh myself yesterday, but I weighed myself today and I was up 9 lbs since Monday.  LOL.  That is completely insane.

Completely.  It makes me want to throw in the towel.  I've reached a new high since losing all the weight, and I am up 35 lbs from my low point today.

I'm trying hard, I'm not losing, I'm gaining tons over tiny mistakes, and I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels.  I refuse to gain all my weight back, but I feel like my body is working against me.

I have an appointment with my new PCP next Wednesday, and I'm going to look into all of this with her.  I'm also going to have her refer me to an MD around here that can do a fill for me.

Honestly, I just really don't feel well.  I'm tired from being sick, even though I'm in bed by 9:30 each night.  My face/head is full of allergies.  I'm starting to get grumpy.  Can you imagine?  Me?  LOL. 

Don't read too much into this pathetic post.  I'll get over it as soon as I'm feeling better.  Let's just hope that is SOON.

:)

Non update

I'm not feeling well.  I have been fighting something off for over a week now, and it hasn't got the best of me yet, but I'm just really tired, run down, stuffed up, blah blah...  I'm having construction done at the house, so that makes everything worse for my breathing. 

I didn't work out last night, and once again, it didn't even occur to me, which is bad.  I got home from work feeling not so good, and then as the dust and construction particles were flowing into my lungs, I just wanted to get out of there.  Darcy and I went out to dinner and to a movie, and I went to bed as soon as I got home.

I felt so out of it when I got up today that I didn't even think to weigh myself, so you know there's something wrong at that point!  LOL

Anyway, per TJ's request, I leave you with this picture of Mario Lopez to get you through the day, and inspired to get into shape!  Lord knows you won't get that inspiration from me today.  ;-)

Oh boy...it's Monday again...

This weekend FLEW by.  I was highly productive, but I didn't really get a chance to rest or relax, and I enjoy my relaxation time very much, so Monday came far too soon for me.  It doesn't help that it's a holiday for a lot of other people...but not me. 

I am down 6 lbs from 2 weeks ago.  I wanted to be down more, but it is what it is.  I didn't eat much yesterday, but as a result, I'm starving today...which means I'll probably be up tomorrow.  That is my cycle.

I completely forgot to work out yesterday.  I was busy all day with Kerry's baby shower, furniture shopping, homework, etc..., and I didn't realize it until I had gotten into bed.  Oh well.  Today I'll make up for it...hopefully.

I'm not feeling great - I think I'm fighting something off.  I appear to have a fever, off and on, and I'm tired and stuffy and achy, but not full blown sick.  I hope I can avoid getting whatever Darcy had last week.  That did not look fun...at all...

I'm just going to keep plugging away, and look forward to getting thin and in shape.  That's my big plan.  I do still need to schedule a fill, but even though I haven't had one for a year, I do just fine sticking to my 1200 calories/day.  When I was getting fills regularly, I was more like 600-800/day...  it may not be a bad idea to try that again.  LOL

My new BFF

The formatting is off today, so no picture for you...so sorry. The picture *would* have been a tape measure. You will have to use your imagination.

For those of you who haven't had your coffee yet, the imagined symbolism is that the tape measure is my new BFF.

I feel like we're getting off to a rocky start on this one today. LOL

The scale is my arch enemy. I'm not even going to get into my tales from the scale this morning, but I will say that in my frustration, I had a moment of clarity.

I remembered that I took my measurements one month ago, and I decided to take them again. I have been tracking them in fitday, so it's easy to see if there are any changes.

There are like 8 different measurements (bicep, forearm, thigh, waist hips, etc...), and over all, I was down 8.5 inches. I was down 1-2 inches on average with most, but my waist and hips stayed the same, which is common with *problem* areas to always be the last to get the memo that we are GETTING IN SHAPE!!!

So even though I'm not speaking to the scale at this time (we're on a break), I'm really glad I thought to take my measurements both last month and today. That is what counts.

The hypochondriac

I'm terribly afraid that I caught hypochondria.  LOL

Everyone around me is sick, and I had the flu shot today, so I feel sick.  I'm not sure if it's psychosomatic, or if I'm really just fighting something off and feeling some side effects from the shot...

Hence, the hypochondria.

Either way, I feel completely exhausted and woozy.  Tonight may be a night I take off from working out.  I hate to do that, but if I need to rest, I need to rest.  Perhaps, if it's nice out, I'll just take a nice brisk walk as a happy medium.  I don't want to lose momentum.

Hmmmmm.............

The gods must hate me

There was no change in my weight today.  I know I was down 3 yesterday, but that was just down 3 from the 5 I was mysteriously up since Sunday.  I was good again.  I consumed 1100 calories, I didn't eat after 6PM, I went for a hike...why am I not losing?  Perhaps it's because I'm just not a loser.  LOL

I give up.  I'm throwing in the towel.  I'm just destined to be fat.

JK.

I'm no where near feeling like that, but it's not fun working hard and gaining.  Obviously. 

Let's review:  On Saturday, I saw a video of myself, and I knew I needed to immediately get to the gym and step up my work out efforts, use my lap band in a more constructive way, and just double or triple my motivation to lose weight.  I was already down 6 lbs from the previous Monday (when I was up from my birthday weekend), and I was hoping to lose 14 more lbs in the next two weeks.

I had a great workout, and by Sunday, I was down 7 lbs.  For the past 5 days, I have worked out (hard) every day, stayed under my 1200 calories/day maximum, reduced my sodium intake (dramatically), drank tons of water, and now I'm up 1 lb from Saturday (when this all started), and I'm up 2 lbs from Sunday.

So onward and upward I go, but I just hope I start losing before I get so frustrated that I lose the momentum I have now.  I need a carrot to chase.

God love me...

For some reason, I have always loved turkey legs.  I'm definitely a dark meat girl...my taste buds must just *know* that it's less healthy.  In dark meat's defense, it's not bad for you - it's just not as low cal and low fat as white meat.  For example, a 3.5 oz serving of white meat has 161 calories and 4 grams of fat.  The same sized portion of dark meat has 192 calories and 8 grams of fat.  It's only a little higher in calories, but it's twice the fat.

No wonder it tastes so much better!

:)

Since I have a pretty low fat diet, I'm certainly not going to worry about 4 grams of fat.  They have the same amount of protein, and dark meat is much higher in iron, which I'm short on, so my body must know what it's doing when it craves the dark meat!

I was trying to cook some healthy lunches, so I bought a 3 pack of turkey legs this week, and I cooked them last night.  For lunch, I'm having a small turkey leg with fresh green beans.  It's a very healthy and light lunch, and it's one that I thoroughly enjoy.  Very natural, low sodium, filling and good for me.

I am eating it with my office door closed, however, because I don't need my employees thinking I'm at King Richard's Fair!

In the palm of my hand...

Choosing joy is seeping into my Phatband blog today.....  I've been mildly annoyed that my weight is not cooperating with my efforts, and today, as TJ predicted, I was down 3 lbs.  I was slightly frustrated that I'm still up a few lbs from Sunday (since I've been such a good girl), but I decided to be happy with the results instead.  Perhaps it's just taking my body a few days to get rid of the pasta bloat - perhaps my body is building muscle from the workouts, and that's throwing the scale off...either way, unless there is something medically wrong with me that is making me gain weight, exercise and healthy, moderate eating will make the weight come off, and apparently I don't get to set the time schedule.

I still want to be down 14 lbs by 10/17.  I'm currently 16 lbs away from that goal - LOL.  While the scale is moving in the wrong direction, I have been moving in the right direction.  Each day I reach for healthy foods with moderate servings, and each day I make sure to work out, I get closer to building good habits.  I must say that healthy, moderate eating has been pretty much a habit all along (except when I made exceptions), but working out was the difficult habit, because of all the injuries.

I'm trying to learn from my mistakes, and so far, I'm injury free.  I certainly am sore, however!  I have really been getting into Wii boxing lately, and my arms and shoulders don't quite know what to make of it all.  There is a hotel near my house that does offer a monthly pool usage rental, and I am going to check that out.  It's a great cardio exercise (as long as the pace is strong!), and it's very easy on the joints.  While I still have a good deal of weight to lose, I need to remember that every extra lb is a liability for injury.  Swimming is a good exercise to throw into the mix.

I want to check it out tonight, but I don't think I'll have time with homework and stuff I need to do for my CD, but we'll see...  I would like to swim tonight for my workout...

4 for 4

Since I caught a glimpse of myself on video last Saturday, I have had a good work out four out of four days.  Tonight I tried again to get out of it.  My arms and legs were sore, I was so tired from allergies, my back still hurt (my boss is finally ordering my new chair!!!), and I was telling myself that one day of rest, from time to time, is okay...but I made myself do it, and I'm glad!

I always feel SO good after working out, and tonight was no exception.  I made myself do it, and I felt 1,000 times better after.  I have been forcing myself to work out hard and fast enough so that I sweat a lot (and yes, I know that's gross, sorry), and the endorphins released are awesome.  I feel energized and great after.

So that's my story.  I hope I remember the feeling I have now tomorrow night when I go through this little dance with myself again.

Getting nowhere fast

Yesterday I did a great job eating healthy, well rounded foods. I was under 1,100 calories for the day, and I got a good work out in...and yet, I was still up 5 lbs this morning. Maybe it wasn't the apple cider...

Last night, I had a small serving of fiber loaded spaghetti and my meat sauce for dinner. I was done eating by 6PM, and I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the night. I really thought I would be down those lbs today, and I'm surprised I wasn't.

I'm wondering if the problem was the pasta, rather than the cider. I measured out one cup of cooked spaghetti, and it was the healthy kind, and then I had it with the meat sauce I made. The sauce wasn't the healthiest sauce in the world, but in moderation, I figured it would be okay. After all, I put in all the calories for it on fitday, and I was still under my daily limit of 1200...

That must be it, though. I've been drinking plenty of water....I am going to skip the fiber in my dinner tonight, and just have a lean protein and veggies to try to get rid of the bloat. Cross your fingers!

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

I wanted to go hiking or kayaking tonight, but by the time I got home from work and had dinner, it was already dark out. I decided to work out with my Wii sports game, and it was actually a GREAT workout. I did several rounds of boxing (in addition to basketball, and a few other sports), and I wore myself out! The boxing was mainly arms, so it was great to know I can do a cardio workout with my arms because some days my legs are tired from hiking the day before, so it's a good option. :)

I know that sounds insane, but I sweat my butt off and was completely winded after several rounds. You get out what you put in to your workouts, and if you give your all, even Wii boxing can be a great workout.

I did fine with my eating today, and I had just under 1100 calories. I'm 3 for 3 (days in a row) with working out, and getting a good workout in, and it's feeling great.

Let's just hope I actually lose weight tomorrow.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

The good: Yesterday was a beautiful fall day in New England. I made a red sauce that was really more of a bolognese. I used 4 cheese italian sausage (out of casing), ground beef and pork ribs. The sauce was a little on the spicy side, and I loved the little hint of a kick that it had. I like to make a sauce that you can stand your spoon up in, and this one failed to disappoint!

I had a carnation instant breakfast for breakfast, a bit of popcorn as a snack, and a small plate of fiberific spaghetti with sauce (and a small piece of garlic bread). The meal was very filling (and I must say yummy), and I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day. I consumed 874 calories of food, and I was quite pleased with myself.

After my nice hike with Henry, I relaxed in the hot tub for a bit, and then read a book on the hammock, under the colorful oak tree. When I was finished with that, I went into the house, and settled into a chair downstairs, and had some of the cider I had been brewing all day. It was delicious, and I had quite a nice little fall day.

The bad: While I only ate 874 calories of food yesterday, apparently I drank about 550 calories of cider. Oooooops. In my head, I was thinking it couldn't be that bad - I *never* drink sugary drinks, and I wasn't eating dinner, but I think the cider really bloated me quite a bit. I weighed myself before I went to bed and I was up 11 lbs from the morning. Can you believe how much my weight fluctuates? I swear, I'm a sponge for bloat.

This morning, I was up 5 lbs over yesterday. That is quite annoying since I've been so good, and I forced myself to go on a vigorous hike when I wasn't feeling well. I was so good about eating in moderation, but I think the pasta combined with the cider is just making me retain water. The bloat should be gone by tomorrow.

The ugly: Me! I went to bed around 10:30, and I was so tired that I had trouble falling asleep. When my alarm went off at 6:30 this morning, I was way too exhausted to get up. I changed it to go off at 7. I love working near my house, because I can get ready and get to work within 45 minutes of waking up.

I'm still fighting something off, or dealing with a reaction from the measles vaccine (or both). My face was completely puffy and allergy-rrific this morning, and my eyes looked like I'd been up crying for 3 days.

I brought some chemical filled diet coke with me today, because I have to wake up. I'm trying to keep my chemicals to less than 10% of what I consume, and the only chemical product I will consume today is a few glasses of diet coke. I don't want to get hooked on caffeine again, so I'm very cautious to use it sparingly. On days like these, however, it's really a must if I want to accomplish anything.

*****************************
Onward and Upward: Although I'm not feeling well, and I'm up 5 lbs for (almost) no reason, I know I need to work out that much more. I'd really like to go swimming today for my cardio. I don't think that's going to happen, though. We'll see - I just emailed Darcy to look into a few options for me, so fingers are crossed! If not, depending on the weather, I'll either go hiking or to the gym, or/and use my Wii personal trainer. I will get the work out in, no matter what.

I'm still being very careful with my knees because I can't afford the set back of another re-injury.

That's all for now! I'm hoping for a 6 lb loss (really a net 1 lb loss) for tomorrow!

You gotta do it

I only got 5 hours of sleep in last night, and I'm a little tired today. My back is bothering me (I think still from my terrible chair at work), so I'm just a little achy and slow moving. It actually turned into a beautiful fall day, and I made a nice big batch of red sauce, and I have spiced cider brewing in the crockpot. The house is filled with wonderful smells, and I'm relaxed in my oversized leather chair with my feet up, watching a movie. All I want to do next is lay on the hammock, underneath the beautiful fall leaves, reading a good book.

BUT I must work out. It's not a choice, it's a must. I've decided that today I'll go hiking for my workout. Now that the sun has decided to come out, I can enjoy the sights and sounds of autumn while getting my daily workout in. It's not quite as appealing as my hammock scenario, but I know it will be rewarding, and plus - I can read my book after!

I was down 1 more lb today. I miss the days of being down 3 lbs overnight, but I'm going to need 1 lb/day to get to 14 lbs in the next 2 weeks, so let's hope I can keep up the losing pattern. :)

A glimpse of me...

I saw a video of myself today, and it was HO-rrendous. In my defense, it was a 99 degree day, and so humid that clothes were sticking to every bump and lump, but there's no excuse for the horror that I saw. I knew I'd gained weight since last year, but I didn't know how bad it made me look. Just about all of the clothes still fit me, albeit tighter, so I didn't think there was as much of a difference, but boy was I wrong.

The problem with losing a ton of weight really fast, is that you gain it back really fast too. If an average person has a bad week for eating, they may gain a lb or two, but if I have a bad week eating, I gain 10-15 lbs...no exaggeration...and I'm not talking about a bad week like I used to have...I just mean a week where I'm not being overly health conscious.

As I mentioned before, I've managed to gain 20-30 lbs (depending on the day) over my lowest point, and it came back EASILY. In fact, as of last Monday, I was 32 lbs over my lowest point. To most, that sounds like a huge amount of weight (and it is), but for me, it's kind of surreal that I could have even gained that kind of weight eating the way I have. Anyway, it is what it is, and I need to face it head on.

Losing weight and focusing on my health has just jumped into FIRST place for all of my competing priorities. As I was watching the movie of myself, I immediately stopped what I was doing and went directly to the gym. I need to find that focus that I had when I first started this journey. I've developed too many bad habits, because I took my eye of the ball.

I stopped remembering to end my meal when I felt full, and started eating past my full point. I stopped waiting to drink liquids for 30 minutes after meal time, which made me feel hungry faster. I stopped using my lap band as a tool, and without even realizing it, found ways to eat around it...not to a huge extent either, but enough that I gained 30 lbs back!

Not having a fill, and not being able to exercise (due to multiple injuries and illnesses) really set me back this past year, but I'm starting fresh today. *Oddly,* today is the 2 year anniversary of my lap band surgery! As of this morning, I was down 6 lbs from last Monday, but I still have 26 to go to get to my low point.

I hesitate to set weight loss goals for myself because I don't want to be discouraged if I do everything right and don't hit them, but I'm going to anyway, because I'm very goal motivated, so here goes: I want to be down 14 lbs in 2 weeks from today. That will be a loss of 20 lbs in 3 weeks, which seems crazy, but when you think about how quickly I put it on, it's really not.

When you fluctuate huge amounts of weight, over and over, your body gets WAY too fast putting it back on, but it can also be used in the other direction as well, and I'm going to do everything I can to be down 14 lbs by 10/17. Then I'll just have 12 more lbs to go to get to my lowpoint, and I know the boost of losing 20 lbs will propel me to my low point again.

I'm going to take steps to be more conscious of my eating habits. I'm going to stop watching TV or working during meals. I want to be focused on the chewing, and the eating, and the point at which I get full. I will continue to count calories on fitday.com, and if 1200 calories/day isn't working for me, I'll consult a nutritionist to put a better plan in place.

As far as exercise goes, I'm going to push the cardio as much as I can. I often re-injure myself with weight training, and I have a lot of muscle mass to begin with. Also, I avoid cardio like the plague, and I need to embrace it, head on. I'm not going to melt the weight off without moving fast and sweating hard.

Today at the gym, I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. I can't really run or jog because of my knee problems, so I walked as fast as I could, constantly checking my heartbeat to make sure I was in the optimum zone, and that's where I stayed. Today, that was at the speed of 3.7 - not very impressive, as you avid treadmillers know, but it kept my heartbeat at 156, and much higher than that put me in the red zone. It was a great work out (for me). It was only 1.69 miles, but I was sweating, big time. It's hard for me to sweat, so I know it was working!

Also, it didn't bother my knees. I know I'm just going to get better. This is a starting point. Instead of the usual rap or opera that I listen to when I work out, I put on techno/dance music, and let me tell you - it made a big difference! I kept up to the pace of the beat, and the time went by pretty fast. I'm going to download a bunch of dance music to my iPod, so that I don't get bored with the selection.

I was really down on myself when I saw the movie, but I'm glad I used the experience for good. I'm really excited to start fresh with a renewed vigor. I also love the way exercise makes me feel, and my 30 minute cardio workout got my blood pumping! I'm going to workout with the Wii later on.

So for now, it's back to the basics, and I think the basics will serve me well!

Happy Medium :)

As you know by now, I'm not so good with moderation. Being an all or nothing gal can be my greatest strength and weakness in life. I know this, and I'm working on it. I've made progress in some ways, but I need to keep working at it.

When going all natural, if that is the only boundary I'm setting for myself, I can easily follow it. Everything has to be all natural. Period. I had a terrible headache all week, and I avoided taking pain killers because there were chemicals in them. Finally, on Wednesday night, I broke down and took 2 tylenol, at Darcy's insistence. She was sick of hearing me whine and watching me pout.

How very unsupportive of her. ;-)

Anyway, miss all or nothing was thrown for a loop by the tylenol. Suddenly my chemical free week was tarnished. It's those times that I get confused. Should I throw the baby out with the chemical free bath water? No! ...but it is tricky for me...

Yesterday, I was 90% chemical free, and I think that's how I'm going to live my life. It didn't take me the full week to figure out how I had to proceed, stepping out of my all or nothing mentality. Chemicals are bad to ingest. I think we all know this. In the past, I never hesitated to pop any pill that would cure my symptom, and if double worked better, I'd do double.

That's not a good thing. I'm not going to say I'll never take advil again, but I'm going to be more careful with it. There are other homeopathic remedies to ailments, and I'm going to try them out. Someone I work with said electrolytes can often make a headache go away, so next time I have one, I'll reach for an all natural, electrolyte infused beverage first. If that doesn't work, I'll move onto my gel filled tab goodness.

As far as food goes, I can afford to buy organic foods, chemical free fruits and veggies, grass fed beef, etc..., so I'm going to. It's a no brainer that these foods are better for me. Also, they taste WAY better. Darcy bought these all natural, organic ice cream sandwiches, and I thought I'd died and gone to dessert heaven...from a silly ice cream sandwich. Hood has never prompted such a reaction, let me tell you.

I didn't count calories this week - I ate whatever I wanted, in moderation, and just made sure it was chemical free. That's fine if I'm maintaining, but it's not going to work for dieting, so I'm going back to counting calories, AND eating chemical free, 90%. The exceptions will be eating out, going over friend's houses for dinner, and the occasional treat that I just have to have. That's okay. I'm pretty sure a sustainable 90% will be better than an impossible 100%.

So now I have to work twice as hard. Not only am I counting calories, but I'm limiting myself to all natural foods. It's a lot to take on, but if you think about it, it's a much more holistic approach. Eating chemical ridden foods that help me lose weight, is almost as unhealthy as taking diet pills or getting hooked on Jenny Craig. It's not sustainable long term, and it's not good for my body.

Maybe it will take a little longer to lose the weight since I can't take short cuts with 15 calorie bread or 1 calorie butter spray, but I will be make decisions that are better for my body and better for the earth. Next summer, I think I may even have a GARDEN in my future. Imagine? :)

Overall, I'm down 4 lbs this week, which is not bad since I wasn't counting calories. Technically, it's 4 lbs in 3 days, I think. It will be even better now that I'm back to fitday.com!

I haven't been feeling well, due to a likely reaction to my measles vaccination last week, and I've been sleeping a ton, but I think I am on the mend. I have a LOT I want to accomplish this weekend, and I know I need to make time to rest as well, because I need to get past this ... whatever it is.

Maybe if I'm feeling up to it, I can make time to go apple picking...I just need to find a pesticide free orchard. That is the challenge. :)

Be well!

Day 2

Day one was a success. Darcy and I both stuck to the all natural food commitment we had made - even though I had to throw a pizza party at work. I ate my little organic meal, while everyone around me at delicious pizza. I really didn't want any, though. When I'm ready to commit, I'm focused.

Darcy is worried we aren't going to lose any weight, because all natural foods aren't low fat or low in calories. I'm hoping that if we eat moderate portions, and focus on getting lots of fruits, veggies, naturally lean meats, and whole grains in, our bodies will forgive the fact that we have to cook our foods with oil or natural butter, when necessary...but we'll see. The scale will tell the tale. That's part of the experiment. Obviously, I have to lose weight. If I can't lose weight this way, I'll have to compromise, and then I can just live like this once I'm maintaining.

So far, so good. I was down 3 lbs today, but of course that was just 3 lbs I was up my my bday and weekend away, but still, I'm glad to see it gone in one day. Darcy made a delicious dinner last night of chicken legs/thighs marinated in a red wine/olive oil vinaigrette, fresh seasoned green beans and an all natural pasta pesto. I have the leftovers for lunch today.

Darcy packed me a nice lunch today, with 2 apples, an orange, celery and carrots, hummus, a banana, milk for my cereal, and the leftovers. Oh yeah, and some all natural chips, just in case I want something snacky. Obviously, that's more food that I will eat during the day, but it will be good to have all that fruit on hand here. I had my cereal already, and when I'm hungry mid morning, I'll have my banana.

As far as how I'm feeling - there's no huge change yet, although it's only been a day. My allergies are still bothering me quite a bit, and I've been sleeping 9 hours/night to compensate for them. When I got home from work, I was so tired, all I did last night was read my book and watch tv, again.

I have an essay due tonight for class, so I need to hunker down when I get home from work tonight. No relaxation for this tired kid. It would be nice to have some caffeine to help me through it, and even though there are all natural coffees, I want to be stimulant free this week too, so I'm not going to do it. What's the worst that could happen? I'll tarnish my 100 streak and get a B? I'm okay with that.

That's all for now!

Day 1

Darcy did all the shopping for us yesterday, and she picked up this cereal. I was thinking nothing processed at all, but I think this will be okay, since the ingredients are all natural, and there are no preservatives or chemicals or anything funky in the recipe. I brought some of it to work today, and I realized my milk was sour. Ew. So I ate the all natural, organic cereal with water on top. I only got through half of it, because of the gross factor of mushy all natural cereal floating around in tan water, but I think with milk, it will be pretty good/okay.

I'll keep you posted as the week progresses.

Day one: I'm tired, I overslept, even though I went to bed early, my allergies are still bothering me, and over all, I'm dragging.

I want to track the way I feel throughout the week to see if there is a difference. This should be an interesting experiment!

I'm 33 now, but I only feel like I'm ... 83!

haha

Today is my first full day as a 33 year old. I feel much older today - probably because I'm so tired from all the excitement and travel over the weekend, combined with my allergies that are kicking my butt. :)

Today I'm scheduled to start my chemical free week, but I have to postpone that until tomorrow. We didn't have a chance to go to the store yet, plus we have a ton of leftovers from my birthday dinner, so tomorrow it is.

I'm hoping to end my 33rd year feeling like I'm 23, rather than 83. I have my work cut out for me. I want to be in the best shape of my life by the end of this year, and I'm ready to do the work to get there.

I wasted my 20's being so unhealthy, but my 30's are all about getting healthy again. So far I've made some really great changes, but I have more changes to go. This work is still in progress.

My first step toward a renewed health will be going to bed early tonight since I'm tired and having trouble with allergies. Sleep is extremely important, so I'm going to let myself get as much as I need.

Tomorrow - we will be chemical free.

This is going to be a great year!

I never met a mirror I didn't like

I kid. This is my head shot...not a bad pic. Alison blogged earlier this week about how some mirrors are flattering, and others are mean, and I commented to her that I try to avoid mirrors in rooms with bad lighting. I'd rather talk myself into thinking I look better than I really do.

Sadly, those days have been limited lately. I am in the middle of a huge war against PMS. I am losing...badly. My weight fluctuates every day. I have good days, and I lose 2-3 lbs, and then I have bad days, and I gain it back. I'm starving constantly, I'm craving foods I don't even like, my face looks like a bloated pepperoni pizza, my clothes are tight, my skin is washed out, I'm tired, and I'm just having a really ugly week.

I know - so hard to imagine! ;-)

I can't wait for this to end. I've been trying to be so good, and I'll be perfect until I get home from work, and then I fall off the wagon. Each day I start new, but the hunger gets the best of me. It's gross, really.

I know there is light at the end of my tunnel, and I know I'm quickly approaching said light. I can't wait, because I'm really looking forward to the giant kickstart of chemical free week which starts next Monday. I think it's going to be a great thing for me.

Until then, if in your trails, you happen to pass a pimply faced fatso, pushing her polyester pants to the limit, be gentle.